Would you confess to the one thing that could end your marriage?

Question

I'm 32 and have an wonderful husband of the same age.We've been married for 7 years and he's truly exceeded all my expectations of married life.He's always told me he would do absolutely anything for me but if I were to ever cheat on him,that'd be a deal breaker for him.My husband travels every few months on business leaving me alone for 1-2 weeks at a time with nothing to do but shop and socialize.He's always had an issue with me having my ex boyfriend who was at one time his best friend in my life.I chose my husband over the ex and that effectively ended the friendship.I've had no contact with the ex out of respect for my husband but when the ex recently invited me to attent a fundraiser with him while my husband was away I couldn't refuse.With the help of a little champaign I ended up sleeping with the ex.I hate myself for what I did and would give anything to take it back.Do I tell my husband and lose everything or do I keep quite and live with the guilt?

It didn't happen because something was missing in my marriage.My husband truly couldn't make me happier than Iam. It was just one stupid mistake I'll regret for as long as I live.
No one knows but me and my ex.People did see us arrive together and leave together but that doesn't mean anything.My ex cares far too much about what I think of him to tellmy husband even if he'll love nothing more than to rub it in,he wouldn't do it.

Answer 1

If I were you, honestly, I would tell him. Only b/c I have respect for him. He has never done anything to make me not respect him. yeah it would probably cause one "mell of a hess" but you should always be honest , otherwise your marriage is a lie. If you dont have trust, what good is your relationship? Let him be mad at you, let him throw things if necessary, you know you deserve it, so stand still while he dishes it out to you. And dont give any excuses. EVEN if you were under the influence, let him know that it was not what you wanted to happen. Let him deal with it the best way he knows how. He will probably yell DIVORCE, but tell him that you WOULD NEVER HURT HIM ON PURPOSE.!!!!!Tell him you will sleep in another room till he feels ready to let you back in the bed.
COUNSELING COUNSELING COUNSELING!!!
If I were you Id start working on a way to tell him. But above all else , tell him that you NEVER EVER meant to hurt him. That his love is what keeps you going and that you are willing to spend eternity making up for what you did to him

Answer 2

STOP! Don't say anything, honey.

It sounds horrible, but it's something you're going to have to live with.
It was a mistake you made conditionally (with an influence other than your conscience).

You need to talk to your ex and make it clear that it was a mistake--not something that will be repeated.

If I were in your situation, I would not under any circumstances tell your husband. The only thing it would do other than relieving your peace of mind is ruin the relationship that you seem to believe has nothing wrong with it.

Telling him the truth is going to either end the relationship you two have or deeply lose his trust to the point where he might not even trust you at all anymore. You'll both reach an unhappiness in the relationship because it won't ever be the same. Once that trust has been lost, even if it's gained back it's not the same.

Some things truly are better left unsaid.

If you feel like you MUST tell him or it will drive you nuts, be as honest as you can. Don't exaggerate the champagne or make you or your ex look worse or better than you really were. Just be entirely honest about the whole thing.

For future reference: if you think there's a chance of making a mistake...don't say yes to the invitation of a fundraiser or otherwise. It's only going to go down one road.

Answer 3

You are not alone in this type of scenario--millions of men and women have these transgressions. the honesty and integrity you possess comes into play here. It happened and that is a fact--the problem is you say people saw you with the ex--and if your husband hears of it from someone else---you are in for a big problem. Too late for crying and moaning if that happens. You have another issue here--and that is the silly excuse that you had champagne--you know that is a cheap cover story--you have had a connection with the ex and should have been severed but it wasn't. You had reasons for keeping in contact--deeper than what you write about. But to answer your question--let me ask you how would you feel if your husband did that to you? Would you accept his honesty?? I don't know what to tell you--and neither can anyone else---there is no easy way to do it or to soften what happened. But I still wouldn't want him to hear it from a stranger or an outsider--and it will happen....it always does. I also feel that your ex knew he was going to try--and that was the reason for the champagne--as grown ups--he should have been able to say no as well as you--so now that it happened, I say tell him, and if he throws you to the curb, go crawling to the ex--then you can say you got what you wanted.

Answer 4

Okay, I'll ask this: will it or could it happen again? If you think it could happen again and there's something missing from your marriage, I'd tell your husband. But if, like you say, you are happy with your marriage and this was just a really huge mistake that you wish never happened, I'd keep mum. No need to ruin everything over this. And maybe do something like going to confession or some spirit cleansing to forgive yourself for this. But yeah, I'd keep my contact with the ex down to a bare minimum and only in the presence of the husband. And make sure your ex won't say anything, because if he does, it's gonna make you look ten times worse. And if this happens again, tell your husband. One mistake can be forgiven, but if you commit it again, there's something wrong. Good luck.

Answer 5

i just dont get it. you have a good man and still take advantage of him. i just cant see you doing this as a mistake. you wanted to do this with your ex. im not saying you really had this planned but you knew if you ever got the right opportunity you just might take it and thats exactly what you did. if you have any love for your husband you will accept what you did and tell him what happened. its only fair! you could not possibly live with this on your conscience and look your husband in the face telling him you love him knowing what you did. i know i couldnt. your marriage may not come to an end. but you cant be upset if it does. own up to what happened. and i think if your marriage withstands this situation. please stay away from the ex-lover/bestfriend. what best friend puts you in this position anyways!!!!!?

Answer 6

Your not being honest with yourself. If the marriage is so good why would you think of seeing your Ex boyfriend at the first oppertunity that arrose? You know that alone would upset your husband. It sounds like you want a way out of the marriage and you are going about it all wrong.

Answer 7

I said the same thing your husband said. The thing is if you are honest and upfront, there is a chance to heal from it. If he finds out on his own (everything comes out eventually) even if it is years from now, that is it. I couldn't imagine him ever looking at you twice after that. Good luck and I hope everything works out for you.

Answer 8

You didn't know any better or you wouldn't of done what you did. You now know that what you did was wrong and you need to stop being so hard on yourself. Many people may call you names but I bet you that they have done bad things themselves. They need to forgive instead of calling you names. We need to help each other and start fresh, forgive yourself and get help if you think of doing this again. It's up to you to decide if you want to tell him. Just remember to take care of u.

Answer 9

Tell him. I hope he leaves you.Too bad you haven't had to make a living for yourself. Hope your shopping days are over.
Sounds like you and your ex are perfect for each other.A good man , out trying to make a living and provide for you, and you out cheating. Just think, it's people like you two ,who are helping to break down the moral foundation of America.
Lord help us from people like you.

Answer 10

You are a LIAR. If your marriage was that strong, alcohol would not have made you do anything. You are not only a liar, but a pig also. I would not inform your husband of this slutty thing you did, but if he finds out, you deserve what you get!!!.