I found my "ONE" after 12 years looking for him, we we're really good friends since 14 yrs old, lost him the last 12 years, found him and will do anything to keep him in my life, he lives in Seattle, I'm in Utah. I told my daughter that I would wait until she graduates high school before I move, She was going to move to MA with her father and go to college in Boston anyhow, plans were for her to move to Boston and Me and my son to Seattle with "THE ONE". She doesn't want to go to Boston anylonger nor Seattle, she says I'm very selfish. My whole family is here in Utah also, I told her she is more than welcome to come and move with us. She declined. Am I being selfish? My son wants to move to Seattle also. I've never been married, 35 single mom, was waiting all my life for "THIS ONE".
2007-03-28 18:21:11 · 15 answers · asked by hott_chicana187 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
No you aren't being selfish- she is. She needs to recognize all that you have done for her and given up to give her a better life(i'm assuming) and that you would do it all over again because you love her and want her to be happy. She is an adult now(practically) and needs to realize that you deserve to be happy too and she needs to help you feel that without guilt and go out and make her own life with the lessons of self sacrifice that you have taught her by example. Go for it! plus she has somewhere cool to visit on breaks where she can stay for free in boston, seattle, and utah. I don't know what she is complaining about!!
2007-03-28 18:27:36 · answer #1 · answered by SC 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you are clearly being selfish.
It shows by you stating you're a single mom and waited all your life for the One (spelled with capitals).
Clearly you believe you have rights to happiness.
But granted, you want to wait untill she finishes highschool. I think that's very cool of you.
How many families don't wait for the kids, but already move when the kids are IN highschool?
Sorry for your daughter, but moving is a fact of life.
And I am also sorry that she just sees the negative aspects, but she will learn new things when she's there. She's also being selfish here.
However, I would refrain from making this a 'who is the most selfish' contest.
Admit that you are selfish, and then observe that she is selfish too.
Having crossed that bridge, you can discuss the merits or staying or going.
As I said, many families move during their life, and the kids almost never want to go.
But this is not the kid's decision, it's the parent's decision. You can offer your kids a better life, with a full family (with a father figure), a happier mother, and probably a better income.
Neither your life, nor that of your family, revolves around your daughter's highschool life.
You are the adult. You should realise that your daughter's friends and familiarity with her school are temporary. They define her life right now, but you know it won't always be that way.
With all that in mind I would actually suggest you start making plans for moving this year.
2007-03-29 00:05:42 · answer #2 · answered by mgerben 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you are being selfish.
I think that after graduation, your daughter is on her own as an adult. You raised her to adulthood. You do not have to stay in a place you do not want to just because a grown adult doesn't want you to move.
She changed her mind, but doesn't mean you have to as well.
She might be scared you are "leaving her" and still needs "mom" you know? So, assure her and make sure contact is always present.
She might not like this guy either. who knows. She has her reasons as you have yours.
I do recommend that this "one" is very carefuly chosen and not up and going, just because emotions are high. Make sure this is well thought of and that your soon is also an adult, so he too doesn't have to go down the fall if you two do not make it as a couple. Things happen and your first and formost is to protect your kids, no matter from whom. 12 years has passed and lots could of happened. People change. remember that.
2007-03-28 18:50:55 · answer #3 · answered by Mutchkin 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that waiting for her to finish school is selfish. After high school, she is an adult and can get her own place. And if she doesn't like it...well...life is hard...she needs to put on her big girl panties and start making some choices. It was really generous of you to offer to take her. After grad, my parents booted me out of the nest (and I thank God for that!). I ended up back at their home, but not before I had some precious life experience.
Nope, go to Seattle and have a wonderful life. Just take an umbrella! :)
2007-03-28 18:28:53 · answer #4 · answered by Fotomama 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, you are not being selfish. Your daughter needs to stick to the original plan, or, if she is not willing to do this, plan on her own place and a job or a job and school. However, there is one other for her to think about: her father. According to your query, she was going to move in with him, and go to school. Souns like this, too, has changed. But, it is her life to live, and yours is your life to live. Don't shut her out totally, but, use of some tough love may be called for here. Good luck and congrats on finding the one!
2007-03-28 19:34:27 · answer #5 · answered by Mudcat007 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are not selfish, you just spent the last 18-19 years taking care of her and giving up things and doing everything you can for her. I think it's selfish of her not to think about your feelings. It's time to do things for you. You didn't tell her she was selfish when she was going to move with your ex, so she shouldn't tell you that you are selfish for wanting to be happy with someone you feel is the one.
2007-03-28 18:30:26 · answer #6 · answered by Just Me 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Well in my life, even though she was out of highschool my daughter would STILL be my priority over a man. Of course I would NEVER cosign on an apartment for ANYONE not even God...That would only leave YOU liable for the rent if she couldn't pay it. So it would come down to either you paying her rent or her being tossed out on the streets (evicted)...So if I'm going to be paying the rent anyway, I'd stay with my kid.
2007-03-28 18:26:09 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I thought that families came firstYou have to do what is right for you.You only get one opportunity to be happy.If your daughter wants to stay where she is then help her find somewhere to rent and let her study where she would be the happiest.Maybe she has friends where you are now.Do not abandon your daughter.For her this is all pretty confusing and a difficult time in her life.Be patient and tolerant.Being a teenager is not that easy.
2007-03-28 18:42:00 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, I don't think you're being selfish. I mean, you did invite her to come with you.......it WOULD be selfish if you just packed up and left now but you're waiting for her to graduate. Why don't you ask "THE ONE" to move to Utah?
2007-03-28 23:18:18 · answer #9 · answered by spelling nazi 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you are not being selfish. You have a right to find a life of your own whether anyone else likes it or not. GO FOR IT!!!!
2007-03-28 18:26:56 · answer #10 · answered by kaykib320 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋