Would you confess to the one thing that could end your marriage?

Question

I'm 32 and have an wonderful husband of the same age.We've been married for 7 years and he's truly exceeded all my expectations of married life.He's always told me he would do absolutely anything for me but if I were to ever cheat on him,that'd be a deal breaker for him.My husband travels every few months on business leaving me alone for 1-2 weeks at a time with nothing to do but shop and socialize.He's always had an issue with me having my ex boyfriend who was at one time his best friend in my life.I chose my husband over the ex and that effectively ended the friendship.I've had no contact with the ex out of respect for my husband but when the ex recently invited me to attent a fundraiser with him while my husband was away I couldn't refuse.With the help of a little champaign I ended up sleeping with the ex.I hate myself for what I did and would give anything to take it back.Do I tell my husband and lose everything or do I keep quite and live with the guilt?

It didn't happen because something was missing in my marriage.My husband truly couldn't make me happier than I am.It was just one stupid mistake I'll regret for as long as I live.

No one knows but me and my ex.People did see us arrive together and leave together but that doesn't mean anything.My ex cares far too much about what I think of him to tellmy husband even if he'll love nothing more than to rub it in,he wouldn't do it.

My husband never has and never would lay a hand on me let alone do anything worse were I to confess.

Answer 1

Don't tell him and don't do it again. Don't have any more contact with him to avoid a future situation.

Answer 2

Marriage is based on trust and honesty. This is a long term and should be a permanent relationship. In order to keep it permanent there should not be any issue which could cause or harm the relationship. You have done something very horrible to your partner that you considered exceeded all your expectation. What goes around comes around. From my opinion you should confess to him. It is better for him to know what you did from your own mouth, rather from someone else. If he really loves you he would understand and eventually forgive you. After you tell him give him some space to think it over don't pressure him. We are humans and we all make mistakes it's the nature of our lives.

It is better to deal with your guilt now rather than later.

Well good luck. it's up to u.

Answer 3

That is a question I recommend you answer for yourself. You say that your husband is so great and has exceeded all of your expectations. I don't see how you could have cheated on him if you are really happy with him. You have to live with the guilt or the possibility that you will destroy him and your marriage. Only you can make a decision this big for yourself. One piece of advise.....you sound like you are bored when your husband is away. Why not get involved in some kind of charity work and do something for someone else. You'd be surprised at how much you will get back from giving of yourself to others who are needy. Secondly, never put yourself in a situation that could get out of hand.

Answer 4

Do not tell your husband. You will just have to live with the guilt which you will have whether you tell him or not.

He loves you; telling him will hurt him very much -- & result in divorce. I think it is selfish of someone to try to relieve their guilt at their spouse's expense.

If you wish to stay married, don't repeat your performance with your ex. Don't see him again for any reason.

Also, you are old enough to develop some hobbies. Consider scrapbooking, genealogy, quilting or any kind of needlework. Get a friend interested & have a craft night. Meet a female friend for dinner once a week & take in a movie. Join a bowling league. Have a read a book night. Visit a relative night. Use your imagination; there are plenty of things to do with your time w/o having to spend it with a man.

Answer 5

The real question here is do you have feeling for the ex? I'm a guy and would never want to hear those words of infidelity from my wife. but marrige councilors claim they can fix even those problems. But i don't think i could ever lay next to my wife again if i knew that she cheated on me. Girl if you really love your husband don't ever tell him. you can't take it back. ever once it is out in the open is what people say. I say i would never want to hear this. but it will probably eat away at you forever, and the secret may even destroy your marraige. what he doesn't know can still hurt him if you let it fester. you must first forgive yourself. and never let it happen again. and when you look yourself in the mirror promis yourself you will never do it again. and never talk to the other guy again. It might just be for the best thatyou never speak of it again to anyone. Including your self. except in the mirror tell yourself you forgive yourself and that you love your husband. If you do decide to tell your husband make sure to let somebody else know that you are going to tell him as a saftey percausion. if you don't see me or i disapear send somebody to look for me. but tell him alone, don't tell him in front of anybody and be prepared for a fight. I only hope not to much time has passed because the longer you wait the more he thinks you are hiding from him. you need to reassure him that you love him and be ready for his questions and yelling. you will probably not get any for a long time. And I only hope he doesn't turn around and say he has been unfaithful too. You must think of how you would react if he came to you and said he had a one night stand with an ex. Belive me I'd rather my wife cheat on me with a perfect stranger that she just met than with one of her ex's because i'd think it could happen again, and I'd wonder how much feeling she has for the guy. hope this helps.

Answer 6

Yep. If I were you, I would confess... I did. We split up for about 4 months (me leaving, not him) and we finally decided that we loved each other too much to stay apart. Its hard to keep that kind of secret any way. If you are looking outside the marriage for any kind of comfort, you should address that reason. Also, my husband and I have never had friends of the opposite sex unless they are both of our friends. I can't imagine being friends with an ex. I wouldn't put up with my husband being friends with an ex, either. Seriously, there may need to be counseling involved here. But I'd for sure tell him. If you want to be back with your ex, divorce the husband first. If not, leave the ex alone. Just my advice.

Answer 7

Don't blame the champagne! You knew damn well when you accepted the invitation that you were going to be unfaithful. It doesn't matter if you tell your husband. You ex boyfriend/current lover will make sure he finds out. He wanted you for payback as much as it was for lust. Pack your bags and leave before your poor husband winds up raising another man's child.

Answer 8

Ever hear of the old saying "don't bull s h i t a bull s h i tter." Because that's what you're doing. Your marriage is kaput and by the very fact you are considering telling him, telling us, and sleeping around means its over and your coorrupt. Repent now before it's too late.

Answer 9

It's better that it comes from you than him finding out on the street or some other way. If you come clean and are upfront with him maybe he will give it another chance. The worst thing for a marriage is for your spouse to find out these things from other sources. There is no worse betrayal than omission.

Answer 10

You did this to yourself. So are you willing to live a lie and keep it with you forever?
Then you got to think about ways that he could possibly find out about it. His ex best friend could drop a line. Someone else could have seen you two together. It could slip out of your own mouth.
Just tell him the truth.