What is wrong with my fiancee?

Question

Her 16yr old son is flunking out of school and has to get a job or he's kicked out completely... The little lazy bastage refuses to do any homework, or get the job he needs, or participate at school so he will pass and get the GED he's supposed to be working on.

I told her she needs to punish him and take away his damn skateboard until his behavior improves. She doesn't want to punish the kid ever, so she started crying and said she knows she has to take the skateboard away but she thinks it's cruel.

Answer 1

She has let him run over her to long now. He is to old to be getting punched and she knows it. She is stuck between a rock and a hard place. U to want him to be made to do right and u want her to do it but she doesnt want him mad at her and so u get stuck as the bad guy becouse u want what is best for the both of them.. Good luck i would run if i was you..

Answer 2

I don't know where you live but around here there aren't many places for 16 year olds to work any longer, even fast food joints only hire 18 and over so pretty much all that is left are baggers at the local grocery store and lol they've got an overabundance of those. Calling the kid names isn't going to do much good...all it shows is your own ignorance and since he's not your son you really don't have any say in how to discipline him. My question then is what is wrong with YOU...you can't stand the kid so why are you with the kid's mother? The kid will ALWAYS be a part of the picture because he will ALWAYS be her child. You however can be replaced at anytime.

Answer 3

haha....i understand how it must feel to not be able to directly take care of something that bothers someone u love. With the boy....u can't kick him out without legal trouble. So break his skateboard urself, if ur fiance thinks taking it away is cruel, then tell her u will be the Devil's Advocate. The son prolly hates u and says ur not his dad....so don't try to win him over, break that boy off. If it still to much, u can send him to a military school. I went, and most of the guys over there will beat some sense into ur stepson (if calling him that is not to bad an insult). That all i got for u.

Answer 4

Well, I personally think having a job while going to school is not an effective environment for a 16 year old to succeed in. At this age he should be concentrating on one or the other, not both. And if he isn't concentrating on either, its probably because it actually IS difficult to do both of these things at once. I would try to support him in either one path or the other and see where he goes with it. Kids are still kids at 16, and they need support and discipline to achieve, but they also need realistic goals so they can actually achieve them.

Answer 5

Trying to induce good behaviour by punishing bad behaviour does NOT work.

I understand the urge to punish, but it's not the solution.

Having said that:
- the boy must understand there are consequences to his actions. Punishment (when he's warned beforehand and it's applied justly and swiftly) can help.
- Positive pressure helps much more
- Your fiancee is being very cruel by avoiding to educate her son. She is not working in his favour here.
If a child has a splinter in his finger, does a good parent allow it to sit there and rot, because the child is afraid that removing it causes pain?

Answer 6

Is he an only child? That could explain why your fiancee doesn't want to punish the kid and spoils him. In her eyes, he's still her child, her baby and he always will be. Talk to her, let her know that her son needs to be disciplined and why. Ask her permission if you could seriously talk to her son. Let her son know what all this will lead up to. Be fair but strict. If he hates you, let him hate you. Let him know that he is hurting his mother and what he needs to do to buck up, if not, threaten him with military school or the prospect of kicking him out. Be honest to both your fiancee and her son.

Answer 7

Sounds like lack of parenting, fear of rejection and has been given no respect from her child.

It's "cruel" but amazing how she thinks it isn't cruel to allow her soon to be an uneducated moron in today's society.

My step dad is the same way. He thought if he was Mr. Nice dad, his kids would love him and appreciate him. He didn't realize all they would do is use him and direspect him. It didn't teach them anything. 2 out of the 5 didn't graduate high school. Those who did graduate, barley passed and they got so used to be given things, they didn't know how to function in society. My mom gave him a choice. Either his adult grown kids or her.

Seems like your next step is counseling and re-evaluating your choice in marriage with her if this is what your future consist of.

Answer 8

he wont listen to you no matter what you say to him, your his stepdad and most of the time he wont treat you with as much respect. .(not being rude) and if your fiancee is unwilling to punish this guy then his life is going to be a downward spinning hell from here on, but you have to remember he's 16, is seeing his mom get married again, getting a new parent someone who isnt related to him boss him around. are drugs involved or anything?..


(sorry if i offended you at all i didnt mean to if i did)

Answer 9

Well I mean she is the mother, nothing you can do. She might feel that she is doing something wrong if she does. Its normal for a mom to do that. sometime people dont punish there kids becasue they mighth ave been abuse in there child hood. so I dont know. She is the mother.. its her choice to deal with it or not.

Answer 10

What a softy... if she doesn't do anything now, he's gonna be a failure. People should aim to go as far as they can, do their best abillity. Why don't you step in and have a serious word with the two of them?