Any advice for a self-loathing girl?

Question

I'm a 26 year old girl who hates herself. I'm still in college working on my last two quarters for a B.A. and so I feel like a loser. I'm so self concious of my looks even though most people who know me consider me to be pretty. On the inside I hate myself and I'm so ashamed that I won't even have my picture taken. I feel embarassed to even go outside and interact with people because I know I'm ugly. I have a close friend who seems to have everything and always seems to out-do me at everything. This makes me hate myself more and more and makes me more ashamed of who I am. What should I do aside from therapy? I've already made an appointment with a therapist. Anyone had this problem and overcame it? How?

Answer 1

Look around your school and you will notice many people who are 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, etc, who have not finished their education yet. Some of those people may still have a few years left to go before recieving their B.S. or B.A. and will have to get a masters after that.

A loser would have given up, but you didn't did you? So the only logical conclusion is that you're not a loser. You have my congradulations for sticking with it. Be proud of yourself.

Here is a secret. Ugly people typically don't know they are ugly and people who are worried about being ugly, typically aren't. You sound like you have bodily dysmorphic disorder. You perceive yourself differently than others do. This is the same disorder that makes anorexics think they are too fat.

Your therapist will be able to help you with this.

If you want to see some really ugly people, take a trip to your nearest Wal-Mart, 99 cent store, or Disney Land.

Answer 2

First, at 26 you're not a "girl". Its funny you chose to call yourself a girl.

This is a wild guess, but I'm wondering if it isn't that you hate yourself for what you are and do or haven't done but, instead, if you hate yourself for no reason; and have just kind of looked at what you are and have done or not done and assumed those are the reasons you hate yourself.

In other words, if something in your life/childhood has made you hate yourself you would already have the self-loathing and just kind of automatically loathe whatever it is about you that makes up who you are. If you didn't hate yourself first you would probably be reasonably ok with how you look, even if you have some flaws. If you liked who you are you wouldn't feel like a loser for whatever reason you do.

I kind of know what you're going through because - after getting to have no signs of aging on my face far longer than most people ever get - I'm starting to have some signs of aging, and they're making me actually imagine just staying in the house and never going out again !!. (I'm not really considering it, but I've realized its pretty awful to even entertain that idea at all.)

I think it could have something to do with expecting perfection of ourselves or at least having high expectations/standards. Also, though, I think some people have more natural confidence as a result of their brain development and/or hormone levels, and I think that gives them the boost they need to be able to just say, "Hey. I am what I am" and forget about any imperfections they have. I think if people lack (maybe) a certain type of hormone or if their brain is developed in a way includes a tendency toward lack of confidence it is more difficult to just forget the flaws and have confidence.

Listen to the words in that song from La Cage Aux Folles, "I Am What I Am" (even though, as you may know, it was supposed to be about a gay guy).

Also, ask your therapist if you may have social anxiety disorder or some other chemical imbalance.

I can't help but wonder if someone in your life has made me you feel very, very, judged and criticized or if someone has always made you feel very misunderstood or underestimated. I think, too, no matter what it is someone or "the world" may have made you feel over the course of your life, if there's some way "the world" has treated you when you wished it wouldn't it could have made you feel helpless (and THAT may be the thing that has led to your feeling ashamed of yourself).

Just some ideas. Keep your appointment. You're only 26 and have your whole life ahead of you. This, as you know, is not how you should be feeling.

Answer 3

I am a realist, so I want u to understand everything I will say to u will have the intention of breaking everything that u hold as true about urself.

Ur ugly, and so is half the world. Your not getting any better, neither is anyone else. All those who try to reverse the aging process look as fake as Barbie while the plastics is being poured in the mold. With all this, do u see how many truely ****** ugly some people are? And u know what? They will all reproduce. So what are u worried about. U think ur ugly, we all do, the problem is when the majority of people around u agrees. If u have ever been hit on, given a double take where the guy seems in awe, someone thought u were hot enough to ****. Stop beating urself up. Removing that pimple is not worth 3-4 hrs in the mirror. Save ur money on those face care products because wiping 200 times doesn't do **** after the first 20 times.

A failure.... u know how many people don't have computers. The fact that u have enough time to waste typing this propeganda means ur not stressing about bills or children or truly important ****. Please smack urself and maybe after walking around with an ugly red hand print on ur face, u look better when it fades away. Don't worry....u are someone's crush.

Answer 4

Ive been through this stage of life and im only 21. However age is but a number. You have to stop looking at the world around you and basing your opinions of your self on how others will see you. The life you live is your life and your life alone no one elses to choose on where the destiny of YOUR life may go. So what if its taken you longer to get through school. Hell its better to take forever in school and get a degree that would help you in life through this screwed up society then to half *** your way through it and still end up no where. As for looks you need to start thinking of yourself and yourself only. Im sure you are a very beautiful woman despite how you may feel inside. Dont hide it though. It only shows you being a coward of society. You need to stand up for yourself and brush the dirt off every once in a while if not more often when someone puts you down. Its basically all in your head that you feel the way you do and you let if over power you. You need to take your life into your own hands and not let everyone else nor your own self concious do it for you. As for what your friend may do or get everyone in life is different and everyone in life has there own talents in there own ways. You just need to take the time to either find yours, learn yours, or regain the ones you pushed aside. like they always say practice makes perfect...Just remember you are your own enemy. And your enemy wins only if you allow it.

I hope this helps Feel free to talk to me if you ever need to.

Answer 5

Hi. Ok well yes I did have this problem and have overcome it. The first step is recognizing that something is wrong with the way you see yourself and seeking help which I congratulate you for doing. The next step is being brutally honest with yourself and willing to make some drastic changes- in your thinking...

My self image was so damaged because of years of emotional, and sexual abuse that I was pretty dead inside. Once my identity was hinged on my opinion of my looks, my parents or what I felt people thought about me I felt utterly hopeless.

I don't know what Ur experience will be, or what slant ur therapist will take, but a real relationship with my true originator changed my life.

I don't mean middle people, I'm talking about a direct, as-real-as-I'm-typing-this dialog, that revealed to me my original purpose, and a bright and fruitful future that I just had to walk into.

I still had to work out the actual root causes of my feelings of self loathing, but I found an anchor point that allowed me to move forward from, and a constant companion walking with me every step of the way.

Take ur therapy seriously, be honest, be willing to release, and face some hard realities, and call out to Him. Challenge Him to prove Himself to you.

I made it out. What do you have to loose?

Answer 6

Yeah - I went to therapy.
I did a lot of writing - everyday.
I had a set list that I write - if you want, email me and I'll send you a copy of the list - it was a good adjunct to talking about this stuff in a proactive-solutions based setting (i.e. not just whining to a therapist - which is what I did for a long time)
And read the book "healing the shame that binds you" by bradshaw - even if you werent abused, it deals with the topic of self-loathing - a lot.

Answer 7

Besides getting to know Jesus if you don't already (helps a lot!), there are some things to do:

Make an effort to be outgoing, meet new people

Try to get a date with someone, even if with a group

Focus on the strengths you have, do you sing? draw? what makes you happy?

Try to be less introverted, discuss with your close friends what is going on.

Realize that God loves you, despite your flaws.

Realize that you are who you are. If you are trying to be someone you are not, that may be making you hate yourself.

You may have a chemical inbalance, or a case of major depressive disorder. My dad has depression, and he is already on the road to recovery. Don't give up! THERE IS HOPE, and I know you will be fine. I will pray for you.

Answer 8

wow, im very sorry you feel that way. If your friends say you're pretty yet you feel so ugly that you can't even go outside then you may have dismorphia which is when people's view of themselves is so far from the truth that it's borderline deluded.
In either case, it's good you're seeing a therapist otherwise I;m not sure how I could help you.
Good luck sweetie

Answer 9

You need the therapy. A good therapist can find out why you feel this way & help you deal with it.

Answer 10

You need to form an intimate relationship with a Good man
who will convince you of your beauty and self worth...