Sometimes in a group, I will say that I am shy. Immediately someone follows that with, "No you're not!" Um??

Question

There have to be clues here that I am missing. WHY would some person who doesn't know me flatly contradict what I say? I know me; strangers do not know me. What gives?

As an introvert and someone who's not always shy but is not terribly social and who takes a while to warm up to people, the sentence "I am shy" is neutral. It's like saying, "I am female and I have brown hair." So why would people contradict this?

Clearly although this has no emotional meaning to me, there may be meanings to "shy" that extroverts may feel that don't ring any bells with me. I've been told that other people see and "feel" the word "shy" differently. Maybe this is an introvert/extrovert dichotomy?

Is it just me, or do a lot of people seem particularly clueless about shyness? I can't count how many times I've been told that I don't need to be shy, or I should just get over it. Usually I respond by telling them they should change their eye color, and then I'll change my nature. Thanks.

Answer 1

i'm the same way. i'm introverted and it takes me a while to get comfy. sometimes i state that i am shy just so people understand why i'm not speaking as much as the others in the group because some people think that you must be stuck up if you don't talk, which is never the case when it comes to a shy person. i've had people tell me otherwise, as if they knew me or something, which gets annoying. sometimes the person who says that is just trying to get you to open up. sometimes people just can't grasp the concept of someone being shy because maybe they, themselves, are extremely extroverted and haven't had the chance to meet someone who's shy so they think you're kidding them. i just say whatever if they don't believe me. my actions later on in the evening/day will show them what i meant when i said, " i am shy."

Answer 2

I believe there is a social condition where a person is comfortable being in front of large groups of people when its structured (i.e. speaking at a podium in front of a large crowd), but the same person is shy in a group of people who are mingling in an unstructured situation.

In this case, the person is neither totally an extrovert not totally an introvert, but rather a mixture of both.

I am sure some physch experts can shed more light on this than I can.

Interesting question.