Do you ever feel like you can't let the past go?

Question

Of you or your spouse...?

Answer 1

I dont live in the past...Its what happens now that counts...You cant change the past...

Answer 2

Sometimes, you met the person of your dreams, all your chakras line up and open, you are smarter, happier and more "you" when you around this person or even think of them.

You get married life beats you down, you are still happy, he messes up, you get pissed, forgive him but, your relationship is not the same.

Over time, the more crap life throws at you two the more you argue and make up. each time you argue in a hurtful way you are generating tiny cracks in the foundation of your marriage
this is why after a while things seems humdrum and you "start" arguements.

You forget what first sparked your interest and start to see you spouse as this annoying person whom you barely tolerate.

You forget that every one has faults and at one time you didn't see these faults because, you were so closely bonded.

When you decide to leave the relationship because you feel you failed and it is not fixable.

You re-treat heal, have time to think and reflect. That's when you relise that, you have lost something. hindsight is 20/20
that is why it used to be you could not divorce with out a seperation and counseling.

It's hard when you realise you could have saved your marriage but, you were so busy trying to escape you did not think to try "work it out" we live in a disposable society we often forget that people are not trash.

If he has not move on already maybe you can try again this time, your eyes will be open and your heart more sensetive.

If he has, remember that even if he is "just a friend" he is still in your life in some way.

Answer 3

yes , I understand what you are saying. The problem is why you cant forget is because the same problem between a person and their spouse will return over and over again in different ways because of a couple's pattern of interacting with each other. If a person has difficulty communicating with another then it can affect child rearing, intimacy their partner, resolving difficulties when fighting. If you dont deal with it then it doesnt leave. You still feel hurt and you dont deal with it for the future then it will happen again and again. The hard part is dealing with it. It is much easier to hate the other person then to work it out. Believe me I have had my share of hate.

Answer 4

Look at the past this way...you can't change anything. The past is cast in concrete. But what you can change is how you choose to view it. That you can change. It is really your option to hold on or let go your way of thinking about the past. So begin thinking about the future, plan for the future, dream about the future, hold hope for the future. As for the past, remember it, learn from it, but do not obsess over it. It won't change no matter how you wish it might. Focus your energies on living in the present and planning for your future.

Answer 5

I used to have that problem and so did my hubby until it almost ruined our marriage. We were seperated for 2 months. He moved out of the house and we were even getting ready to settle on our divorce. Luckily we realized that we were being really immature and realized what our problem was. Now after we both let go of the past our marriage is wonderful. I found that the best thing to do is to not even bring it up. And the one person who told me that is my 24 yr old brother. But he is wise beyond his years though. I asked him how him and his fiancee are doing so well when they both have a pretty rough past. And he told me that they agreed to never bring it up. That way it will never become an issue and you know it works.

Answer 6

Hon, we all have this problem that is the reason we are so mixed up in the world because we keep running into the wrong people and if we are with the wrong people then we are going to run into more wrong people. you have to change your outlook and then change yourself and then let the past go and get on with it, life is too short to live with regret, so do it or don't that is our choice. Take care Heather

Answer 7

According to women, you can be a pr0stitute until you are good and loose. Sleep with 1000 guys if you wan to....But when you get into a serious relationship, this is supposed to "close the door" on the "past".

So to women, the PAST shouldn't matter anymore. How's that? Do I get a cookie?

Answer 8

i've tried so hard to let my past go but although u think at the time that it was the worst time ever, u look back at the good times and u miss, if anyone says different, they're lying

Answer 9

Yes. I was in an abusive relationship. I was also not able to trust him because he lied so often about important stuff. I try so hard to give my current the benefit of the doubt, but because of my ex, the old feelings of distrust come up.

Answer 10

There is no past, as long as we think about the subject,that is consider to be present.people need different amount of time to get over things.time will put everything in past ,we don't need to.