How can I gain closure for a break up?

Question

I have depressionI was dumped 5 months ago. Can my depression contribute to this? I can't forgive and move on unless his evil deed was recognized. How can I gain closure without boosting his ego? I have tried to forgive, forget, and move on, but on a phychological point of view I can't unless someone tells him about what he did was wrong, a chance to vent my anger to him, and when he apologizes. I am desperate. I have tried many other methods and they haven't worked for me. Is revenge a good idea? Or finding a new boyfriend? How can I force him to apologize? Please help. I need my life back.

I have tried to distract myself. It works for awhile and then it comes around the corner and gets me again. I have tried to pretend I have moved on, but it makes it worse.

Answer 1

I also have depression, and I recently went into a long term depression over a relationship, We were together a year, and I stayed celibate (and depressed) a year. After a certain amount of time I found closure just in the fact that it had been a year and she didn't care enough to even call me. He has moved on with his life, wrong or not. You should too. Jumping into another relationship is a bad idea probably, since you aren't ready.
But its not a bad idea to make some friends and get out and ENJOY being single. Freedom is lovely. Be happy by yourself and it won't be hard for someone to be happy with you.

Answer 2

I recommend this very cheap book because of the little excises in it:

http://www.amazon.com/Coming-Apart-Relationships-Through-Ending/dp/0449216616

If I could remember them all, I'd write them out for you. It basically encourages you to analyze the relationship by writing or talking yourself through some of the aspects of it.

It asks for the LOVE STORY. This is the fairy tale of how you met. This is what you remember when you think of him and want him back.

Then, the REAL STORY. Where were you in your life when you met him? Where was he IN his life? Had you just been fired from a Job and your cat was sick? Had he just gotten out of a bad relationship? Was your self esteem so low that you just took the first thing that came along? Did he maybe insult you in front of your friends the day you met? What were the signs that the relationship wouldn't work out. The signs are ALWAYS there from the beginning.

Then HIS FAILURES. What could he have done better in the relationship? What did he do that hurt you? Write him a letter, but don't gibe it to him.

Then YOUR FAILURES. What could you have done better in the relationship? What did you do that may have been hurtful to him?

Then THE GIFTS. What will you take with you from this relationship that will stay with you, forever. What did you experience in this relationship and how did you grow and become a better person.

That's all I can remember, and I'm not even sure it's quite right. I haven't read this book in 10 years, but I really thought it was great.

Answer 3

Chances are he will never apologize. It sounds like he doesnt care and you will never receive the respect and explanation that you deserve. This is life. I dont reccommend revenge, it only makes things worse. I strongly dont reccommend jumping into another relationship because it is clear that you are still hung up on the previous one. It is important for you to feel happy youself, and content before you can give that to someone else. I am not sure your age but I reccommend keeping yourself busy, call a friend, go for a walk, sign up for a class or take a vacation. Do something for yourself, and make sure you are happy. I have been in this situation in the past, I never received an apology or explanation.. and unfortunately I dont think you will. It will really, really hurt, but as time goes on it will be better and the most important thing to do is to put yourself first. Make sure that you are happy and realize that there is someone out there that will treat you with the respect and dignity that you deserve, just dont rush into anything. You only get to live once, so make every day count, and dont waste your time on someone who isnt going to treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
best of luck.

Answer 4

If Ya Gotta , Write A Letter
But Let That Be It !!!
Don't expct any apoligize's he's Prolly Moved on

Time will Heal , & Thank God Memory Fades

A Next B/F or even Crush
will Get him Put on the back Burner
& Eventually off the Grill

Force Him to Apoligize ??? WTF , Move on

If After the Letter He Doesn't
Then He Doesn't Care at all
Aint worth Your Time thinking about it ... Next

Someday You'll be thinking He Did you a Favor
by Leaving you,
Especially if he did something that warranted an apoligy
& Never apoligizes

Answer 5

Sweet hart You have let this jerk have to much space in your head, he has a apartment complex in your head and he does not know it or does he even care, you Know who's hurting??? YOU BABE YOU!!!! Never ever give anybody that much power over your body or mind, and if you think of vengeance you are a sick lady. Do NOT GET INVOLVED in another relationship till you are over this don't hurt someone else, find what it is that you need to let go, you can bet he is not losing any sleep over it. I am sorry for you We still love you this too will pass with time. Love yourself first it's the only way you can love someone else.

Answer 6

You cant make him appologize.
He doesnt care about you - or he would have already.
Screw him. He isnt worth the effort.
You want to punish him for did to you? It seems hes too stupid to get it - or just plain doesnt care.
uh, hello...you chose to go out with him, accept some responsibility. If you are honest with yourself, you probably had a feeling something was going wrong - and if not, quit beating yourself up. I mean if he lied to you, quit calling yourself a fool - because youre not a fool for believe people who lie.
Good luck