What to do about insensitive husband?

Question

Ok, so, I clean the whole house and keep it clean all the time, vacuum twice a week, sweep and mop everything, do the dishes, dust, I mean everything and often. I also cook him dinner at least 4 or 5 times a week, maybe get food from somewhere a couple times a week. A couple times him and his mom have had conversations in front of me about how it is the wife's job to clean up after her husband completely, he is an adult, don't you think he can put his own dirty dish in the sink? And about how it is my 'duty' to cook a nice dinner for him every single night. It is 2007! I am in school, have to do clinicals for school, and am 6 months pregnant for pitys sake. Is it so wrong that he cooks himself ramen noodles once a week when I'm exhausted and don't feel like cooking, or to pick up his dirty clothes he leaves everywhere? I want to know if I'm being unreasonable in expecting him to do these things or if I should just be a total stepford wife???

Yeah, his mom is divorced and got divorced about 17 years ago, on another note, her house is the dirtiest house I have ever been in, so I don't see how she can comment on marriage duties or cleaning.

Answer 1

Hon you are not a stepford wife. He needs to give his head a shake and get with the times. If you are pregnant and going to school what the heck is he doing? I repeat what is he doing? should I say it again? Marrige is sharing and sharing it should be, if one is lugitimately busy so be it, the other kicks in a does the dinner and dishes and laundry if he has to its not all on the woman, this is old school. This is 2007, help your wife and if you don't you are an idiot. What the hell is it all about when we cant even help our own family. Wake up your husband and give him a course in courtasy. If my wife can't do it, then I have to. Do it, don't dwell and get it done. Life is too short to live with a none existant partner its a two way street, help her out or loose her. Get real and be partners what is the matter with this world. Take care Heather

Answer 2

Yeah it's 2007 life is a 2 way street! 50 freakin 50 all the way. He can do more than pick up his dishes he can wash them! He can wash his own laundry too! My boyfriend cooks, cleans, and does the laundry. We both work to pay the bills, and I go to school full time. His mother is old school and you need to tell your husband that. Tell him that his arms and legs are not broken and that a little help wont kill him. If he works 12 hours a day everyday then that may be another story, but give him a chore list. Tell him that he is to take out the garbage, mow the lawn, keep the cars in good repair, work on his days off, ect. That's a mans JOB if a womens job is to be the perfect little housewife! Either that or walk away and dont look back because he may be one of those guys that doesnt think he should have to change diapers or feed the baby either.

Answer 3

did u not know what u were getting your self into before u married this guy. for him him and his mother need a better outlook and today's society. woman and men take care of the house hold. u are not being a step ford wife at all u are being a unpaid maid.try not cleaning the house and try not cooking for 4 days i bet he will cuss u out real bad. there is no respect in your household and his mother should have taught her son how to be a man instead of a push over. girly u need to get a back bone and stand up for what is right. make him do some household stuff u are not the only one that stays there.

Answer 4

No you are not being unreasonable at all, and id say his mother was a stepford wife to her husband, and maybe yr husband expects the same from you.

Id start by telling him you need some help, sheeze putting dishes in the sink for crying out loud, my 8 year old does thattt.... Being pregnant is tireing, and i dont you will have extra work with bubs arrives as well. Id be getting on to it straight away..

Answer 5

Oh my god! Girl. You need to go on strike. You need to speak up now. He needs to be woken up and brought into 2007! My hubby use to be a clean freek too and I just refused to do all that you are doing. The laundry piled up. The dirty dishes piled up. The floors went unswept. I did what he did. Sat where he sat. When he started complaining, I just said, hey, It's more important that I spend time with you. The housework isn't important. Now, 25 years later, he is doing the vacuuming. He does laundry. He cooks sometimes. He cleans toilets. I do these things too but the point is, he does them too. So it isn't going to be a easy job training him, but start now. Especially that you are pregnant and that is an excuse to take it easy and encourage him, praise him as he is doing a chore, tell him he is sexy, that it turns you on watching him...etc. That will maybe help him mentally get into the role! Good Luck!

Answer 6

Sounds like you both have serious decisions to make. You had to have known some of his beliefs before you married him. His attitude will not change until he realizes that there is a problem. You have the responsibility to communicate this to him. The two of you need to talk things through, express your thoughts and feelings to him, and he has the responsibility to sit and listen to what you have to say. You are beginning to harbor resentments in this relationship, justifiably so, and unless you do something now, you will only feel worse as time goes on, and this will be visible to your children as they grow. If he will not listen to you or be willing to work on the relationship with you then you have the ultimate decision if this is the sort of dysfunctional environment in which you want to raise your children.

Answer 7

first off if u really really love him and u want thinks to work out dont let mom in law get in between you and his marriage bc i know what im talking about, my husband recently left me like not even three months ago and i am just finding out today that hes got a gf and let me not get started on that but his mother was the worlds worst mother in law i mean she was always in our lives and he was mommas little boy and she lived right around the corner and it was a nitemare but u are married to your husband and if there is a problem u need to talk to him about it and his mom should not be filling his head with anything but if i was you i would just have a talk with him and ask him if he wouldnt mind helping you out sometimes being u are pregnant and pregnant people do get tired and see his reaction and hopefully he will understand and say sure baby i love u and will be glad to help u out and if he doesnt well then thats a different story

Answer 8

No you're not unreasonable. You sound like a fabulous wife and he's very fortunate to have you. If he goes hungry one night he'll live or he'll just learn to cook for himself at the least. Don't feel bad if he needs to take care of himself every once in a while. And as for his mom she can blow it out her A-S-S, if she wants to she can cook for him at her house and he can go over there and eat, take his laundry over there too the big baby. YOU ARE A GREAT WIFE!!!

Answer 9

You are not asking to much! It is not all your duty to do everything. It is 2007 and the husband should help. That does not mean he will help though. He should be helping more especially since you are pregnant. It should be 50/50. Was he born in the 50's?

Answer 10

You shouldn't have to do all those things on your own. A real man will help you. Make some compromises with him. He can't tell you what to do. So you should either stop cleaning and stop cooking and maybe he will step up and help. You have to show or tell him that you are serious about this.