My ex boyfriend and i just started going out again after a couple of years of just messing around. When i was senior in HS he was officially my boyfriend, and at the time he had only one child with his ex girlfriend. When i graduated from HS and went to College (5 hours away) we broke up and he decided to get back with his ex girlfriend and work things out. When i came back after my freshman year we hooked up again and there he confessed to me that he got her pregnant again, but they had broken up and he moved back to his dads house. After two years of messing around and just acting like we dont care about eachother, we decided to give it a try and now my mother is giving me a difficult time dealing with the fact that he has already two children, and that he is taking me as a joke. I still have one more year of college and our plans are that after i graduate we can see what are we going to do with our relationship. But i really love this guy and he makes me happy.
2007-03-28 17:39:49 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I am sorry to say, but I agree with your mom. He sounds like a typical player, he just wants a piece of *** from you...He has already knocked up his ex-girlfriend twice now. Ditch this loser....
2007-03-28 17:43:58 · answer #1 · answered by LesJerLayne 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, what you're describing doesn't sound like the kind of deep commitment it takes for relationships to work. Far from the hugely complicated relationship he will always have to have with the other girl because of the children he fathered, neither one of you seems to have ever committed yourself to the other. It sounds to me like you enjoyed what you had with him, and that you find comfort in the fact that you both are able to always fall back into each others arms when it is convenient, but that's not love. That's a comfort zone. I don't think this guy is your true love. He's not going to ever be able to give himself to you entirely as far as it sounds, and I question whether you could give yourself to him entirely either, knowing the history and the baggage he will always carry. Maybe it's the idea of letting him go and being alone out there that worries you. He might make you happy, but it doesn't seem like it has always been devoted, happiness. You want someone that can give you all of his attention for the rest of your lives. I think your mom is right. He's not it. I don't think he's taking you seriously either. Sorry, but I would honestly recommend you move on and find someone who will cherish you and only you.
2007-03-29 00:51:05 · answer #2 · answered by Irish 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Okay, so when and if you marry him that makes you liable for his child support payments in most states. If you file taxes jointly and he is behind on child support -snap- there goes your refund. What about christmas every year when you want to get certain presents but you have to buy equally for four children not just your two children, cutting out what money you could spend on your children. Also, if you want to keep them overnight at your house they all must have seperate bedrooms (over the age of five) so that is at least a five bedroom house, child support, and dont forget who gets what in a will. And that is saying you only want two children. Not to mention how hard that baby's momma can make it on your life if she wants to. Not that she would, but she could.
You have your whole life ahead of you and there are many many fish in the sea. Maybe he is a very very special exception to the rule, but I would think he wouldnt have gone back for the second kid if he didnt feel indebted or in love with her in some way.
He will never be able to start fresh again in his life, but you still have that chance. Your mother only wants what is best for you and I would heed her advice and foresight as it is..... because who ever wants to hear their parents say I told you so???
2007-03-29 00:51:19 · answer #3 · answered by lllll 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you love him and he's good to you and he's a good father, then maybe you have something there. Your mother is just trying to warn you of the pitfalls that happen in so many of these situations. What she probably sees is a selfish, irresponsible guy who can't seem to commit. Only time will prove which of you is right.
Just for the record though, I was once in your shoes and I married the guy. Worst mistake of my life! I believed all the awful things he told me about his ex-wife and because they had two children together, she was constantly in our lives and he was constantly broke from having to pay child support and attorney fees. In the end, I found out that everything she said about him was true. I left him and never looked back. I'm sure there are some guys out there in those circumstances who really are fantastic and have been shafted, but not many. I won't take a chance on another one that's for sure. I already did my time with one.
2007-03-29 00:45:00 · answer #4 · answered by Emily Dew 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Listen to your mother. He is around 20 yrs old, has 2 kids and lives at home with his father - what a catch. Since you are the one with the college education, you will need to support him and his two kids, plus deal with the mother of those kids as long as you are together. There is someone else out there that you can have a much easier/happier life with.
2007-03-29 00:49:09 · answer #5 · answered by PizzZak 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You really need to weigh the pros and cons. You are young, smart, successful and obviously making all the right choices in your life, especially the choice to finish school. He has not made such smart choices. If you were to decide to be with him, his children will be your responsibility. Is that really what you want? I would move on -- remember the good times and just move forward. I'm sure there are plenty of men out there that can make you happy.
2007-03-29 00:47:38 · answer #6 · answered by Dawn Marie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Then stick it out. But on the other hand he's kind of selfish if he's having irresponsible sex with someone and doesn't want to take care of his kids by taking care of the mother of his children. Really it's your choice if you want to be together with someone that has 2 kids just be prepared to be the stepmom.
2007-03-29 00:41:40 · answer #7 · answered by Your Mom 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Run as fast as you can. Your getting a education so you can better yourself in life, he's making babies. I understand your mom's concerns, I would be heartsick to watch my daughter throw her life away on a guy like this. His two children is where his concerns should be, instead he's fooling around with someone else. He's a loser and will drag you down with him.
2007-03-29 00:56:46 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think that your mother is right on this one. you are with someone that has two childen with another women that
he keep going back to. that a problem, if he really want to
be wth you then he would not have been waste 2 years of
our time. you need to get your education and leave this
man along if he does not know what he want then why should
you allow him to contine to play games. it should not be
what we going to do after,
2007-03-29 00:48:51 · answer #9 · answered by luckystar 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if you are OK with playing stepmom to these other kids for many years, and for her to be a pain in your a$$ for the next however many years, and especially-if you are OK with most of his money going to them instead of you and your family-then fine, go for it. I would say, find yourself a man without all this baggage
2007-03-29 00:52:08 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋