Is marriage really this hard?

Question

My husband and I have been married for a little over 2 years now, but we have been together 4 years before we got married and 2 of those years we lived together. since we've been married it seems all we do is argue. We have had more hard times than good times and I want to know does it get better? Are the first couple of years the hardest?

Answer 1

I was told that marriage was hard for the first five years, especially if you add kids in the mix. My husband and I will be coming up to our 5th wedding anniversary this summer. We have definitly been on a roller coaster ride and yes, I have contemplated divorce in our worst days but you get through them. Things have calmed down and we seem to be on a smoother path. We have been together for almost seven years and we are still learning about eachother, but it does get easier, one day at a time!

Answer 2

GOD YES! Marriage is WORK!! I have been married for almost 8 years and it is no easier now then it was on day 1!! 1 out of every 3 marriages, end in divorce within the first 5 years. If you love your husband and he loves you, get counseling NOW before it come to the point that you no longer want to fix it. Counseling can do a WORLD of wonders for marriages.....you just both have to be willing to work at it. I wish you all the luck in the world!! Don't give up on your marriage....it's a sacred and beautiful thing and is almost always worth the fight!!

Answer 3

oh honey, no marriage is not supposed to be about arguing all the time. Try setting apart a few hours each week to just spend together and talk, no TV, no bar, no restaurant, no interuptions, and try to rediscover each other. If you even find yourself arguing during these little 'breaks from life', it may be time to reevaluate your relationship. If there is any jealousy or resentment, it is not just going to go away or fix itself. Marriage is about sharing your life together, and you only have one life to live, so make it special. If this is not possible with your husband, then it may be a good idea to end it, however hard it may be. Inoticed you did not place blame on him or yourself, and that is a good sign, so best of luck to you.

Answer 4

It can get better, but not without good communication.

That actually happens a lot in marriages. Once you get married it seems like things change, and not usually for the better. Its almost like people change once they have a piece of paper. Makes no sense to me, but it is what it is.

The first 2 years are supposed to be the hardest, it is the adjusting period. But with hard work you might be able to work through it.

Answer 5

yes marriage is hard. but if you love each other enough you can make it work. couples counseling could do the trick, or sit down with your hubby and explain that you love him but youre arguing is driving a wedge into your marriage and you dont want it to get any worse. be open, honest and frank. dont place blame anywhere, just ask him if he thinks its possible for the two of you to tone things down a bit in terms of arguing and work on the things that marriage is really about: the love.

it also depends on the types of things you argue about: money, houses, insurance all those things are bound to cause conflict. find a close friend who is neutral and ask them to be a mediator possibly. come up with a solution that works for both of you. yes the first few years are the hardest but you'll look back and laugh!

Answer 6

Yes... although I'm not married, my mother and I had this conversation last week. She said that the first couple of years are the hardest and so many times she thought about ending it with my father, but now, they're happier than even approaching their 30th wedding anniversary. If he's worth it, stick it out. Things will change.

Answer 7

Marriage is as hard or as easy as you make it.
So, here's some questions for you.
Do you argue about the little things? Do you argue over the same things all the time? Do you ever go to bed angry? When you argue, do you resolve it before moving on to anything? Do you argue in public?
The first thing you want to do is sit down with your husband and ask him if he wants to make the marriage work. If yes, try these methods. There are way too many things in this world to worry about than to argue about little things. Read, "Don't sweat the small stuff." This is an excellent book that doesn't talk about marriage, but it helps you deal with small stress that may grow bigger. If you see yourselves arguing about the same things over and over, you may want to totally resolve the issue before moving on. Leaving an issue unresolved will only cause tension and grudges. Make resolutions agreed upon. Going to bed angry only makes you wake up angry. Waking up angry just makes for a bad day. Making for a bad day will only cause more fights.
If you argue in public, you don't care what other people think. Then, as that becomes so often, you don't care about anyone, including your spouse. If you stop arguing in public to stop "making a scene", even though you're mad at your spouse, you still care enough to protect their (and your) reputations. Preventing arguing in public will allow you to cool your heads and talk about it later in a "comfort" area.
Public places may make confronting situations. For example, your husband is yelling at you in public. Maybe, someone approaches him and says, "take it easy." Your husband snaps back "shut up and mind your own business." Well, that person just became an instigator. He just added fuel to your husband's fire. He was mad at you, now he's mad at the other person too. And he'll take out that anger on you. By the way, this all pertains to you too.

My wife and I argued all the time our first year of marriage. It was very tough. Our second year was a little bit better, but still arguments. Now, going on our 4th year of marriage, I've gotten a thick skin to the "little stuff". I just don't care about the small stuff that may "get on my nerves."
As long as my spouse is alive and happy, why should I be pissed off at every little thing she does. That would be stupid of me. For example, if she's normally home from work at 5 every day, but was home at 6 one day. Why should I be mad? What the heck was I doing anyways but sitting at home doing nothing? Maybe she stopped by the store. Whatever. Some people would be mad.
But to make it work, you must have constant communication with your spouse. That is the key. Without communciation, comes grudges, anger inside.
Talk to him. Good luck.

Answer 8

I would definitely say that the first few years can be the hardest but when u can both learn to laugh instead of have to always be right or get the last word or even always try to make a point always try everyday to see your other smile or laugh and it seems to take alot of stress away pick your battles cause if you do he is more likely to listen to u than if u always have something to say

Answer 9

well, this is my second marriage and the first one lasted 3 yrs(together for 6), but in that instance he was abusive. my now hubby and i have been married just over a yr/half. we fight alot, as well. we didn't discuss things thoroughly before the marriage, i think. we didn't talk about finances, or discipline for the children, or what we each expected of the other. the first yrs are the hardest is what i am told, but not communicating makes it worse. good luck!

Answer 10

Marriage is hard and is full of compromises. It should get easier, not harder and if this is the case, then you may need to seek counseling. Try to remember what brought you together and plan some outings together on a regular basis. Living together and being married should be the same, unless you weren't being yourselves. Good luck.