should i stay with my husband?

Question

my husband and i have been married for almost two years. before we were married, he cheated on my with his ex girlfriend. i forgave him and worked at building trust again, only to find out that after we had our baby, he was seeing his coworker and having an affair with her (no actual intercourse though) for 6 months... while i'm at home, taking care of the baby. he has also been sending dirty comments and messages to my sister - who also did not bother to tell me, but is married w/ child. she did not act on them.

so my question is, should i stay or should i go? the final decision is mine, of course, but i'm just wanting some insight. we have two children and he is a wonderful father, husband (minus the cheating) and friend. he said he would change and he would do anything i wanted, but he said that he wouldn't do it again the last time. recently, we decided to go for an open marriage. it's NOT the other girls that bother me, it's the lying.

we started the open relationship over a month ago. we laid down some ground rules.. no existing friends (one i named in particular, one he named in particular) and family first, condoms always. he ended up "dry humping" the ONE person i said NO too at party and didn't tell me about it AFTER we set the rules. he said that he didn't tell me b/c he knew it was wrong and thought i would be mad/hurt.

btw - i still consider oral sex cheating.. the ***** shouldn't have her mouth on my husband's dick.

also - the open marriage has been existing for about a month, however, the affair he had was during 2006 for 6 months.

i have no family besides my sister. i just lost some friends due to these incidents.. we are friends w/ the same people and a couple of them were the ones he was with. i make good money - i can support them on my own, that's not the issue.

i'm concerned for my children and what their lives would be like post-divorce.

and yes, open means both ways. he knows that i would be talking to other men...which i really don't have time for at this point anyway. LOL but no, the only reason another woman would bother me is because of an insecurity i might have.. but b/c i realize that, it's not an issue. the only thing i can't stand is lying.

Answer 1

I don't understand how the other girls is not what bothers you. He's your husband and he's supposed to be faithful to you! You gave him a green light with the open marriage. Now he can go bang any woman he wants, just as long as he doesn't lie.

Is this how you want your children to view marriage? Daddy out banging other women while mommy stays at home?

The decision is yours to make, however I would think very hard about what impact this could all have on the child

Answer 2

If it's not the other women then why even mention it. I think ur trying to make it work because that's what u think ur supposed to do. You both took the vows, not just u!!! I say the "open" marriage is more him then u. At no point did u express a desire to see other men. I would suggest the two of you go for marriage counseling and discuss his need for the company of other women. If not i say pack ur stuff and leave his lying, cheating *** and don't look back. It can be hard with 2 kids, i know i've been there, but better they see a healthy, loving relationship then a bad one. Please, if nothing else #1 put his *ss in check when it comes to your sister! That is a line of respect that should never be crossed in any situation. #2 don't get sucked into the whole "U need to stay together to have healthy happy kids" bit. If the two of u can be adult and acknowledge your responsibilties as parents and compromise your children can do just fine. You don't need to stay in a relationship where neither one is happy. I wish the best of luck in whatever u decide. Much luck and happiness to you and your kids.

Answer 3

How important is his cheating. I mean you could give him a pass, that would take all the fun out of it.

You might ask him to be included in a little action?

Tell him if he wants an open relationship you'll be getting a man. That might ruin his whole mojo.

I would see about finding ways to be more of a sexual attraction for him, he obviously needs a lot of sex for some reason.

When you are pregnant, this male behavior is common, sick but common.

We've had a million years of urges suppressed by todays society, it's not easy for men to combat.

That being said he needs to respect the mother of his children first and the hoochies come second.

Spice it up, it's not worth breaking up the family if you can curb his appetite. Besides, there's woman you lust after and ones you love. The loves come but once usually.

Sorry, the advice is so edgy.

Answer 4

You and your husband should definitely seek professional counseling.

It seems like your husband hasn't done anything that would require you to see a Divorce Lawyer.

He may have been seeing someone from work, but is that reason to consider Divorce? I wouldn't think so.

But, you must make him understand this type of behavior is unacceptable and will not be tolerated by you.

Divorce is not always the "clean break" that people desire.

And DO NOT GO FOR AN "OPEN" MARRIAGE.

That is definitely a fast-track for Divorce Court. Then, what would happen to your baby?

Answer 5

You're very contradictory in your statements. You say that recently you agreed to an open marriage...so where's the problem? I have to question your self esteem, self worth and pride if you are willing to stay with a man who has been sending dirty messages to your own sister. How can you even hold your head up high around your sister? Clearly, there are many issues in your life since your own sister didn't bother to tell you about your weasel of a husband. You say it's the lying that bothers you...I think you're lying to yourself.

Answer 6

In my opionion you should stay and live your separate lives. You have decided to have TWO babies with this man, this mean you have an obligation to keep their dad in their lives. You two can be perfectly happy together living together and raising these TWO babies. Give each other space so when one steps out to enjoy a little fun, details do not have to be given and lies do not have to be told. He is only lying because he feels if you knew the truth you would have a hissy. Chill out girl, you have more important things to worry about then when, where and who he is doing. (By the way he is not a wonderful husband, wonderful husbands don't stick it in other women, just for fun)

Answer 7

You are playing with fire with that OPEN MARRIAGE Crap.
If you have someone like your Mother or an extended family member or good friend that you and the kids can move in with do it immediately. This man is going to continue to cheat
and if you stay with him you better quit complaining you chose
to marry this cheater and liar.
You must have low self esteem for your childrens sake get out
and get support from someone you trust and love.

Answer 8

if you both agree on an open marriage then he should have no reason to lie about the other women and you should also get a baby sitter and go out and find yourself a guy and enjoy yourself and let him see what it's like when the shoe is on the other foot. After you have seen another guy his idea of an open marriage may change and if it does then get some counselling and work on your marriage together

Answer 9

LEAVE HIM!!!! Any man who would cheat on his wife is not a person you should stay with. He is not a good father if he is cheating on you, he will set a bad example for your children. If he changes then get back together, but do not stay married with him until you KNOW he is better. In the mean time throw him out and focus on your kids. I know it seems tough but it would be better for you and your children to be alone than be with a cheating man. Hes a liar and cheat. Dont feel bad for him

Answer 10

Wow, Just wow.
I say leave his ***. Seriously you were in the same situation as my friend.
Don't even bother to get counseling.
You keep the kids and let him see them on the weekends. Dont stand for his crap.

Im not saying people cant change , they can.. for a while.
Make the right decision hon.
oh and btw that is very messed up what your sister did.

good luck!