How do you deal with a difficult coworker?

Question

My coworker acts superior, questions my work, tells me I'm saying things that I'm not, and does not understand, when I tell him that what he does HURTS. I think it's very inhumane to tell someone "What you said hurts." and get no apology, no sympathy, just more blame...

I've gotten lots of advice so far, and everyone can relate. What should be done?

Thanks for my answers so far. I do feel that it is unjustified, I mean he's twisting the things I said, and not responding to my continual pleas that I did not mean to hurt him.

Yes, he is training me- but I can't get a word in edgewise! His frustration seems to stem from what must be obvious boredom. I get so tired of someone just merely expressing their own vision of their greatness.

There is no give and take. Tomorrow we're going to have mediation with management.

Answer 1

What is the response you get when you say, "What you say hurts."? I agree with you that it is very difficult to say to someone in a work situation that they are hurting you. However, sometimes I think it is necessary to tell people how we feel, even in a work situation. (Of course when it is someone purposely hurting you, you really do not want to express these feelings) People are so afraid to say anything about anything anymore. What is he blaming you for? Is any of it justified? I ask you to think about this because for myself I alway try to look into myself and see what I can be doing better. If I am doing the best I can, I will say this. What does your supervisor say? I have worked with many kinds of people. So many love to be critical, but want to do nothing to help the situation. What does HE think that would make the situation better? Has he been there longer than you and in effect, training you? I have learned over the years that people that have been in a job for so long make people who have not been feel inferior and stupid. It is very easy to act like you know it all when you have been there many years. I remember how hard it was for me when I started my job, but after a few years when you learn most of it, it seems so easy. But I remember how it was, and when I train people, I try to be as EXPLICIT as possible. I over explain things, and try to be approachable to questions because I know that"Fish out of Water" feeling when I knew nothing.. and I was very lucky because there were managers that I worked with that would answer my questions...but unfortunately not all places are like this...if you get no satisfaction from confronting him, I would talk to my supervisor. I do believe, that most people can learn almost anything, you just need time and people who are understanding...

Answer 2

Well, you have three choices:

1) Find a new job. Realize that there will be annoying coworkers wherever you go, however.
2) Ignore him as much as possible. He is your co-worker, after all, not your boss.
3) Realize that he probably acts the way that he does because he is insecure and/or immature. Compliment him on anything he says or does that is helpful, kind, etc., no matter how insignificant. Don't tell him that he is hurting you because that gives him the knowledge that his behavior gets to you and he'll keep repeating it. The idea is to make a big deal of the positives while not responding to the negatives - sort of how you treat a child, but then, that is how he's acting.

Good luck.

Answer 3

Well you have taken the first steps to resolving this problem with you co-worker just by confronting him and letting him know that what he does hurts you.

Now since the co-worker did not heed to your subtle attempt of telling him to stop, you probably need to be more blunt about what he is doing to you that is hurtful. In other words, just tell him that his questioning, superior attitude, etc. is not right and you want him to stop now.

If your second attempt of resolving the issue with him does not work, then you go to management or your EEO and let them know what has happened and the steps you have taken so far to resolve the issue.

Management should then sit down with your co-worker and let him know that his behavior is unacceptable and that he must cease his behavior or suffer the consequences, which could be suspension and/or termination of employment.

Answer 4

Talk to your supervisor. if the person is your supervisor talk to the HR department. This can in effect be a harrassment issue. if the person is being malicious with intent then it is. if they are just indiffernet or lacking in tack and charisma then a good talking by the boss will set that straight quick enough. directly confromting this person will only turn into a he said she said match if it goes before the management and you could both end up with a repramand. by making this issue known now you can be covered if it does not improve.

Answer 5

kick him where it hurts or record him on the sly and then let everyone know what you recorded or pay some big guy to break both his legs