me and my husband has a kid together and then i have my 5 year old, we have only been married for2 and a half years, he treats my son worse than our daughter why??????
2007-03-28 15:26:56 · 17 answers · asked by Troubled 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
befor we had my daughter he treated my son like his own
2007-03-29 03:29:37 · update #1
he has some issues.
He sees your son as a symbol of some other man who had you first. He HATES that. He sees his daughter as himself.
It's very primal and unhealthy he needs to come to terms with it and realize that your son is HIS son now. He's not the dad but he's the father and this is his opportunity to raise a valiant son to stand for what he believes in and be proud of.
He needs to associate your son as HIS son. But primal self centered men don't often understand the concept of loving an adopted son as if he were your own.
2007-03-28 15:32:39 · answer #1 · answered by Jim_atthedrive-in 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You answered your own question with the way in which you worded it.
You and your husband have a child together, and then you have your 5 year old.....
What is wrong with that statement????
When you marry someone because you love them, you love their children also, it is a package deal.
When my husband and I met and dated and decided to get married, I knew that I was getting two children as part of my family. The children have grown into wonderful adults now, and I was never the evil stepmom. My husband and I discussed all of factors of this while we were dating, and it was all worked out at that time.
Obviously, your husband is very immature and self-centered. You may want to rethink this relationship very quickly as it is bound to get worse as your son gets older and he and your husband are headed for major problems.
Your son is going to think that he is an outsider, and not part of the family and be very resentful of the fact that you; as his biological parent, have done nothing to improve the situation and either get him away from this man who mistreats him or get counseling for your whole family if you want to save this marriage.
This is the type of situation that causes young teens to turn away from their families, run away and get into trouble with the law and use drugs to escape their messed up home life. They have only learned that negative attention is the attention they are going to get, so they search it out.
Please get some help, or get a divorce. You have to protect both of your children.
2007-03-28 16:25:15 · answer #2 · answered by Sue F 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he feels mad at the fact that can't be his real son. I am engaged to be married. My fiance is the father of my 1 year old but not my 5 year old. He tells people that he has 2 kids. At one point of time he didn't b/c he didn't fee that bond with my daughter that all parents feel with their child. Then he started taking her out and doing things with her. She started to call him daddy, but when her real father found out, he told her not to do that b/c she only has 1 daddy. I never encouraged her to call him that, it was something she did on her own. He still feels close to her and he provides for her just like that's his own child. Maybe your husband needs to bond with your son. Take him out a little.
Talk to him about that.
2007-03-28 15:34:53 · answer #3 · answered by Mrs. Hester 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No All men don't treat others mens kids bad. My husband has raised my X's kids since they were small. Granted my X passed away and before he died he asked my husband to take care of his kids........but my husband treats my kids better than he treats his kids from his X. That has alot to do with her every time we send something for his kids she takes it and returns it for cash that she puts in her pocket. We also have a son together and he doesn't treat our son any different than my kids.
2007-03-28 18:29:18 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. Absolutely not. I think one of the finest things in life we men experience is being a father. I love kids, my kids, kids in our Sunday School class, kids that we meet at the zoo. I only have our kids now but if the future held that another child be in our lives (I have considered being a foster parent), I'd love that child as my own.
I think it's disgraceful for your husband to do that. He ought to know that the child probably has issues already not being with both parents in the house much less having someone (a father at that) not care for him and give him love.
I hope things change for you.
2007-03-28 16:01:26 · answer #5 · answered by bigdaddy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to Nip this in the Bud and right away. He is taking out his aggressions on your son and thats so unfair. Mom it is up to you to NOT allow this Abuse. Its too late to say you should have dated your husband longer before marriage and watched for the signs, alot of men can fake it well until after marriage. Take your children and leave this man. It is not fair to your Son to have to be abused because he is not your husbands child.
2007-03-28 15:36:54 · answer #6 · answered by donna_honeycutt47 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Not all men do that. I have 2 children from previous... entanglements... and my husband has treated them like they were his own since the day he met them. And they both love him as if he were their real father. My mom always said that any man can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a dad. And he is their dad.
2007-03-28 16:34:59 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's your job to make sure your little boy doesn't feel any less loved by his daddy than his sister. No child should have to grow up feeling second best. Insist you husband be a real man and treat this child with the love and respect he deserves.
2007-03-28 15:37:11 · answer #8 · answered by katydid 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't know if he resents the other child, is angry that he couldn't put together a traditional family or what....but I have to tell you, raising another man's child is some pretty heavy psychology. A constant reminder of the man that got to have you before he did. It isn't right, its a little immature, but I think there is a grain of truth to this.
2007-03-28 15:32:48 · answer #9 · answered by Paul 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No, not ALL men do this. My guess is that he's very immature. That's not a good thing, but here’s an even worse thing...YOU have ALLOWED it to go on for over 2 years. WHY?
2007-03-28 15:44:04 · answer #10 · answered by kp 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋