Did I do the right thing by walking out on my husband?

Question

About 3 months ago my husband of 4 years went out with a few men on a hunting trip to try & network with them better. He said he didn't like the idea of hunting but really wanted to go with them to also talk business. He comes back from the (deer) trip & raved about it & talked about how much fun he had and wanted to go out more with them. I didn't like the idea of hunting AT ALL & told him that. He's been out with them a second time & is planning on going with them for a "big hunt" in a week. He's a business man, lives in the city, and is very trendy. I never thought he'd get into this "sport". Well, he's buying guns, having a deer stuffed to hang in his office AT HOME, & even thinking about getting a trained hunting dog. I wont have any of that in our house. We got into a big fight about it last night & said he's going to do this & that is final. I was shocked and left the house. If hunting is something I feel really strongly about, did I do the right thing by leaving if he wont stop

Answer 1

Well, maybe he feels just as strongly. As long as he keeps it away from you and doesn't expect you to join in, you may just have to let him. look on the bright side..maybe it's just a phase and he will get tired of it after awhile. Let him get it out of his system.

Answer 2

I can hear the animal rights activists saying you did the right thing and that it is wrong to hunt defenseless animals. Well, lets just get a few things straight. Without hunting, there would be a lot of people in this country and many others that would not have a meal on the table. It is not inhumane to kill animals. Hunting and wildlife management keeps the populations down and the also keeps the inbreeding down. When there is inbreeding, there are usually deformities. Maybe this is something he will like to do for only a short time. Don't be too hard on him, he works hard and if he wants to take a couple of trips and take a couple of trophies then let it go. You are over reacting to this. It is sad that people are so quick to end marriages based on things that really don't matter if you look at the big picture. Grow up, call him beg forgiveness and move on with your life.

Answer 3

Okay - you hate this hobby. I'd say talk to him about how you feel about this and set some agreed boundaries such as -
1. No stuffed trophys where you have to see them.
2. Agree on how much time/money he will spend on his new hobby.

and -

stick around at least long enough to figure out if this too will pass and if you can reach some mutual agreement about this hobby.

My husband has had hobbys come and go over the last years (and so have I). We don't always like every thing, but we do support each other in our activities we don't share and take care to not impose on each others boundaries. (I LOVE to hunt and my husband is a total pacifist. We've been skeet shooting together and loved it. He thinks it's funny when I tease him about not killing what he won't eat and asking him how he plans to cook those clay pigeons!) He now admits that shooting is fun and good sport, but won't hunt with me.

Answer 4

I don't think you should let something like this come between your marriage.

He's a man. Of course he's trendy and business-like, but you also have to leave him space to be a man, too. No matter how trendy he is on the outside, he will always want to feel masculine on the inside. Let him have that.

If he has a hobby, then why don't you go out and find a hobby with some girlfriends? Or have your husband take you hunting, or do something with you once a week or once a month that YOU like.

But NEVER take away from a man something that makes him feel like a man. It's not like he's out cheating on you, running off to the bars and coming home late (so I am assuming).

Answer 5

Well it sounds like you already did what you wanted. I had to giggle a little As I'm from Missouri and we have a lot of deer hunters here. I was waiting for you to say they were buying hookers, going to strip club, picking up transexuals, but he's really only hunting?
I'm an Investigator maybe that's why I thought you were headed in this direction.
I'm going to be a little crass here ok? Take his balls out of your purse and give them back to him. ok
Let me clarify, It's not the hunting, hell it's not even the networking, what he's not telling you is he feels like a real man. a man's man. This is the most he's felt alive in years, always looking for the deal, deadlines, fighting for promotions or clients.
Having said that give him a little room to breathe, he could be doing one of the afore mentioned.
Set him down and LISTEN to how he feels, compromise with him deer head at work NO deer head at home.
I've been on those hunting trips a lot of them the guys set around drink,burp,fart, and eat greasey food, veryh little hunting.

I work for an atty. so I have to be professional alllllllllllllll the time. When the weekends come I have guns BIG guns but I only take my 16 and 17yo sons out to the range and target practice.
I have 2 dune buggies, one is now my wifes she enjoyed it so well. I take it out and raise a little hell. I have a 21 foot cuddy cabin boat, are you starting to see a pattern, I need to blow off a little steam. And afterwards I get dressed up and take my wife out to dinner. But I feel better, it's a man's form of screaming, bucking the system. Letting my hair down, feeling young again. My wife is supportive,understanding, I'm easier to talk to, my minds clearer. It good mental health.
If he's a good man and that's the biggest complaint , you have count your blessings.

Hope this helps

Answer 6

I personally don't see anything too wrong with your husband's new interest. What do you feels so strongly about? Is it the killing of animals, or the time he's spending away from you, or the "tackiness" of hunting? You have to decided why this bothers you and then ask him why it's so important to him that he's willing to leave over this. It just really doesn't seem that big of a problem that it would be worth losing a marriage over.

Answer 7

honey, you need to relax, he aint out drinking in the bars, or coming in beat'n on you. the man just wants to hunt. you should just find you a hobby that you enjoy and recuit a couple of friends and when he plans a hunt you plan you night out with your friends and if he has a problem with you doing someithing like going out on a girls night out even if its to the movies and dinner. at least he will be able to try to relate the feelings he is having to the ones you are when he wants to do his thing. Another thing men dont like to be told by there lady or anyone what is ok and not ok for them to do, that just makes it worst. so just chill.

Answer 8

Sorry to say this but you are wrong. Honestly is this something you're are going to let get to you and your marriage. Who cares if your husband is a city guy. He's branching out. He's making friends, hes feeling good about himself, and he found something he really likes. Why don't you like it? Have you really explained the reasons? Have you ever tried it? Or perhaps gone to a shooting range? Don't be so stubborn about this until you talk about it more. I wish you luck!

Answer 9

i love animals, but you should see all the deer running around where i live in the country, Va. they run out onto the road and cars smash into them, some guys have to do some hunting here it gets ridiculous. i heard they get tumors when there are too many, let your husband enjoy himself, good for him, he's sick of the concrete jungle,

Answer 10

NOOOooo where neanderthal its in our blood to hunt that's what man has been doing from the git go . Tell him fishing is a blast to out on the boat shore fishing is OK but not as fun as a boat

Answer 11

you should let him do his thing, because you would want him to do the same if it were you in his situation. yeah, it's disgusting, and the deer in the home office is a little much, but in the grand scheme of things, this is no big deal. he could be cheating, gambling, out killing people for fun. this is nothing compared to what it could be, and something you should be able to at least tolerate if not accept. it's something he has to do as one of the guys.