Feedback on poem I wrote?

Question

A Silent Perspective

Everywhere.
Silence.
I cannot hear the echo of my own footsteps along the pavement;
The sound is foreign to my ears, but it is
Familiar to others.
The crowd surges toward me,
Engulfing my tiny frame in its ambiance.
I force a smile to disguise the pain in my heart.
Mouths are slightly open, laughter
Escaping through parted lips.
Silent laughter.
I can only hear with my eyes.
I gaze upon an unknown countenance and
Imagine the sound of a voice, what it is to have a
Voice.
My voice is a series of hand signals few of which can
Comprehend.
I envy those who are normal.
I am tormented by my handicap, though I compel myself to
Live through it.
I look in the mirror, and I witness a monster.
I perceive myself the way everyone else sees me.
Society’s misinterpretation of my world is the cause,
My pitiful self-reflection, the effect.
I cannot conceive of placing myself into your shoes until
You recognize what it is to be deaf, what it is to live
A silent perspective.

Answer 1

I like it.
It really shows great emotion.
i like poem that talk about subjects people don't like to talk about or people try to pretend isn't there.
:D I give it a 10 out of 10!
Hmmm...can you be my next favorite poet? haha.

Answer 2

I am brutal when it comes to what people write because i assume they want to make it better.

That written.

If you cannot hear your footsteps how do you know that there is an echo. I have always thought of foot steps as contact sounds like clicks.

You say it is foreign to your ears but not to others but you called it an echo and i have to wonder how you know what an echo is or if an echo it., or if evrything is an echo to you.

The next section is just confusing as to who the subject is you or the crowd. It seems at time like it is both.

The crowd surges toward me,
Engulfing my tiny frame in its ambiance.
I force a smile to disguise the pain in my heart.
Mouths are slightly open, laughter
Escaping through parted lips.
Silent laughter.

The mouths part is where it gets confusing.

And what is and "unknown countenance"? You are deaf not blind. Countenance is a visual term.


That is just wordy.


My voice is a series of hand signals few of which can
Comprehend.

Does this mean you are a lousy at sign or that few "people" can sign? It could mean either the way it is written.

I envy those who are normal.
I am tormented by my handicap, though I compel myself to
Live through it.


What is it your handicap or your torment?

Also, you don't witness a monster you see a monster, You witness an action.

Next:

I perceive myself the way everyone else sees me.

Society’s misinterpretation of my world is the cause,
My pitiful self-reflection, the effect.

So you are a mind reader? You don't like the way you think people see you and you blame them because you think they think this way. You think this way. Is that realy cause and effect form and reflection?

I cannot conceive of placing myself into your shoes until
You recognize what it is to be deaf, what it is to live
A silent perspective.

Suddenly you seem to be addressing your audience when up til now you have been addressing yourself, talking in a rather prolonged aside.

The question that comes to mind is "Who asked you to put yourself in their shoes?"

I get the carry over as you started by talking about foot steps and work your way back to those foot steps but then what was all the stuff in the middle about the crouwd and their faces? There is something not connecting there.

This all seems to be about you wanting to be in someone else's shoes, not being able to be in someone else's shoes, and thinking they need to be in yours.

But is that really what you want them to be in your foot steps? If so why waste so much time talking about being in their footsteps.

It's just a little confusing from a logic stand point.

What did you want the conclusion to be?

Like I said I am Brutal when it comes to poetry.

I will say you have an obvious talent for expressing yourself but it can always be better.

Answer 3

I believe I answered this question yesterday. This is a good poem, it makes you think about what a deaf person feels. I just do not care for the monster part. Why does the deaf person see himself as a monster? Deaf people do not look any different than a hearing person.

I look in the mirror, and I exam my face
does everyone else see me as I perceive myself?

Excellent writing, keep up the good work!

Answer 4

It is a well composed and profound poem. I liked it.

Do not however be tormented by what you don't have.

What you hear in your own mind is more powerful and profound than what 99.9% of what the speaking world has to say.

Trust me I've spoken to hundreds of people in last several months and I can count on one hand the number that said anything at all that was worth listening too.

Listen to yourself and keep writing and reading. They are both better than talking. Besides nearly anything important anyone says is written down (on the web or in print) these days.

Answer 5

I Loved It!!!! Very emotional and so true!!!!You sound like an awesome poet.

Answer 6

I Liked it . i thought it was really good and should a lot of emotion. keep up the good work.