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My hubby and I have been married for a good 5 years, And, before our engagement we talked about having kids, I said I didn't wants biological children, and- possibly ,.. not even adopted children.
He and I where on the same page about traveling and being free, but it seems his biological clock is ticking and NOW he has decided that children are important to him, So- I listed to everythhing he had to say, and I said My piece too-
I told him, That perhaps in a few years, after I've done a bit more with my life, Adoption MAY be possible ( honestly, I don't have a maternal bone in my body and I really don't care if I ever have a littler person that looks like me.)
I know I would be a good parent, but it's just not appealing.
We both talked for a good long time, and he still reiterates that he wants a biological child. ( Aside from my fear of anything medicinal. every female in my family has had complications. my sister included..)

So- how do we work this out?

2007-03-28 14:48:24 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

7 answers

Well, personally, I would say, "Too bad. There is no way in hell I'm going to get pregnant and stay pregnant. My uterus is not a housing unit or a rental flat." And this is what I have said to my partner. Luckily he agrees and doesn't even want adopted children in the future. Because of your question, I'd take a desire for adopted children as a warning sign of undercover desires to breed.

Yes, pregnancy is something to be afraid of and besides, the world is on the verge of over population and your husband insisting that he must have a biological child is pretty damn selfish, but you know this.

How do you work this out? Well, it's your body that has to put up with the pregnancy and you already said NO. That means, your husband is either going to have to accept the idea of possibly adopting in a few years or he'll have to leave you to find some woman who's willing to put herself through trauma just for a kid.

2007-03-28 15:00:05 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1 1

This is something that cannot be worked out it appears he want's kids and you do not. You had already told him your side before marriage and that's that, if he wants kids he will have to wait and it will be adoption, but if it is something you do not want don't do it. Everyone says they would be a good parent but unless the parent has there heart set on raising a child then it is the wrong thing to do. My wife and I have been married for almost 8yrs and we both chose the no kids route and well have pets instead 2dogs, 2 birds and a cat for instance and her mom even called us geniuses because of the cost and time needed. I even went under the knife for our love and just to have the two of us I know alot of people that have told myself that we are just *****, funny meaning though double income no kids. Which I do not mind in the least I get to spoil my wife vice versa and well we have the extra money to live a comfortable lifestyle. The other aspect we looked at is it costs around 500 thousand to a million to raise one child this day and age with schooling, inflation, economy, and clothing, food, etc.

You make a valid point if you have had family member's that have had pregnancy complications then I would just stay away from it. Have you considered just getting your tubes tied then your hubby will leave you alone?
Ask your husband this question is the only reason he wants a biological child is to carry his genes etc? If he says yes that is not a valid reason to have a kid! When you want a kid it is because you love kids you want to be a mom he wants to be
a dad but really next to marriage it is probably the next most important decision you can make.

God Bless and Best Wishes don't do it just for your hubby
you'll just end up resenting him for it!

2007-03-28 22:49:37 · answer #2 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 0 0

Lady you are turning the Blessing of Almighty. Kids are blessing and having them is really an enjoyment in the life. Although responsibility is heavy but the satisfaction is more than every thing.
Please have your own, purely from your body, a child who will definitely give you what your hubby and ultimately you want.

2007-03-28 22:54:51 · answer #3 · answered by Atif Mirza 5 · 1 1

You need to determine if your husband wants kids for the right reasons. It might be that he thinks a child would fill in what is expected of him better than the blank map of "traveling and being free." Me, I prefer the latter, and so does my husband, but plenty of people out there like the idea of having kids instead of staking their own claim on life.

2007-03-28 22:10:44 · answer #4 · answered by SayWhat? 6 · 0 1

you know i don't think i can have kids,but am not married and don't plan to be in the future,anyway, this is about you if you don't want children you shouldn't have them .For your husband i don't know i would see how things work out ,but that's a very big issue that you have to agree on to do anything.

2007-03-28 22:28:49 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0 1

If you feel that you are not ready for motherhood then you need to make your husband understand, just do not tell him what he wants to here you need to tell him the truth it is that simple.

2007-03-28 21:56:04 · answer #6 · answered by Ms Pollyanna 6 · 0 0

i don't know if you ever can work that delima out, I guess the only thing to do is just keep talking till one of you gives in to the other.

2007-03-28 21:54:22 · answer #7 · answered by inmate3685 4 · 0 2

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