What helps?? I know people can relate....?

Question

When this guy I was seeing made it known he can't guarantee his fidelity and I shouldn't either I felt as though I went numb. (he was willing to continue to have sex with me, how thoughtful...sarcasim in case you missed it) It feels as though my insides were taken out and not replaced. We had been together for a while. That may be melodramatic but I just can't express how bad I feel. I am sure people can relate as break ups happen all the time. The feeling at that moment when the realization hits you that what you thought you had is gone, when you become aware that this is the end and the other person does not care. You can't reason with them, you can't plead your case, there is nothing left to do but accept defeat cuz they just don't care. I need to know how to feel better. What have people done to get past this? That first feeling was so horrible, it subsided then returned. Now I can't think of anything else. Even staying busy only lasts so long. What will make the pain go away?

Answer 1

I'm sorry but the only solution I know is time. You're just going to have to feel bad and distract yourself until you meet other people and this becomes one of those old memories.

Try making a change in your life for the better. Start doing something you've been wanting to try but never got the nerve to do. Spend more time cultivating friendships. Try writing something or tackle a home project.

One thing I've learned (I'm 26) is that there is no miracle solution to getting over major disappointments like this. There is nothing you can do about the situation, yet you can control how you go about getting over it.

Expect to feel bad for a while, but give yourself something to hope for.

I hope you find someone who can give you more than this guy.

Answer 2

I was with a guy for 5yrs. He went away to College and started sleeping with his roomate, who also had a boyfriend.

When I figured out what was going on ( I went to visit him and her shirt and a tube of K-Y was on the floor in his room) I confronted him, and he said he loved only me and went on and on for hours until I stupidly believed him.

A week later he came home for the weekend wearing a shirt of hers (t-shirt) and I asked him about it, and he dumped me for being insecure. They came back to town as a couple the next weekend.

I swear I couldn't think, care about anything else or breathe.

Losing a relationship is like a death of a loved one. It's the death of something that you thought would always be there. So you have to grieve for that loss, and go through the 5 stages of grief until you come to acceptance.

I would listen to love songs and cry. I would write in my journal. I was a runner, so I would run farther, I would hang out with friends that I never made time for when I was with him. All those things made it a little bit easier, but nothing really helped.

Nothing anyone can say will ever make it better, but I really honestly know how you are feeling, and having been there I am so very sorry that you have to go through this.

In all honesty, the only thing other than going through the grief that will help is taking care of "YOU", and time.

I pray that you will find that acceptance (at your own pace) and come out the other side a happier and stronger you.

God Bless- Phanti

Answer 3

Time, honey. Thats all that will make it better. Just don't forget that you have to go through a HOT fire to come out pure gold on the other side. Take life's little lessons as just that. I did, and they made me appreciate the man I'm with now. If I hadn't gone through what I did, I would take him for granted. Good luck! ;)