Why does my wife no longer like or want sex with me?

Question

My wife and I have been married for 10 great years. The first two years our sex life was fantastic but since then almost no sex at all. She has been on anti depressants for the last six years. We have sex only when I start it and she does it just because she feels like she has too.

I am not unattactive, I could have several women in my office but I still believe in marrage. But I need sex in my life, I need to be touched. There is nothing that bothers me more than me laying naked in bed and her playing a computer game next to me and not even caring to touch me.

Any suggestions?

I have tried talking to hr she starts crying, I have suggested a theripst, not going to happen, and she is very attractive and no she is not having an affair

Answer 1

dress up as a keyboard.

Answer 2

My wife an I celebrated out 40th anniversary, and just like RW once she went on
anti-depressants about 10 years ago sex went into the window. Before that, going to the bedroom was in many cases her idea .... that lasted 30 years. And in the last 10 years she has become very shy even though together for 40 years...... she changes clothes behind closed doors, I have never seen her in underwear because she keeps herself covered and does not reveal any skin. She also tries to fit into bras she wore in high school and is totally embarassed about bra shopping. It was not always like that. I too would prefer having sex with my wife than any other girl on the planet. However it is not going to happen, therapy is not going to happen, and talking with her is pretty useless, she does not cry but just gets beligerient. While the sex went down hill along with my age I have experienced some symptoms of ED and several times thought to get some Viagra prescriptions to help. But I have no interest in finding any drugs to help... why would I spend $7 on a pill that gets me ready and able for nothing. And wow.... the playing of computer games is also a similar thing here. This may sound hateful, but life is too short to stay married to someone that does not acknowledge you. Having superfical affairs with people at work can also become very dangerous. I am pretty much ready to sign up for the 6-month trip to Mars.

Answer 3

Why is your wife on anti-depressants? What is she depressed about? Some meds kill the sex drive. She may be having an affair on you. I think its rude to be playing on computer when you have a naked husband in the bed. Anybody with common sense has to sense that its inevitable that as humans, we all can put up with so much (or lack thereof). So instead of suggestions, here are your optioins (as if you didn't know this already - but some people, I guess need to hear it from someone else):

a) you could play with yourself
b) leave your wife
c) stay with your wife and have an affair
d) you and your wife go to counceling - if she's not cooperating - that should tell you something.

Good luck honey.

Answer 4

Well she obviously has issues if she's on anti depressants. She is probably very emotional. I was on paxil for a couple months and it made me feel so weird, I didn't want sex at all and I stayed up all night for no reason. I see where she's coming from, but I got off the pills and decided to DEAL WITH MY ISSUES. After my issues were solved, I had no need for anti depressants and my libido returned!! See, I fixed all the problems by taking an active approach. Discuss with her, the option of getting off the pills and looking inside herself. Don't let her throw your marriage down the drain because she can't handle her feelings.

Another option is to be extremely sweet and helpful for a couple days. I mean overkill. Do all the chores, rub her feet, make her dinner, take her on a date, that type of thing. It may not be the pills at all. Maybe she is just bored with the same old sexual routine and her computer games are more entertaining. What you need to do is, after you be sweet and caring and helpful for a couple of days, when it gets close to bed time, take her and carry her (or drag her) to the bedroom, throw her on the bed, rip her pants and panties off (actually RIP the panties if you can) and just start eating her out. Any hot blooded women will not refuse this. Take it from there, pin her down and have your way with her. This has got to turn her on. Be anything but ordinary. The normal things you always do during sex, don't do any one them. After you are done, take a bath or shower together, and brush her hair. Have a beer or two, and hold her while she falls asleep.

If neither of my suggestions work for you, then your marriage is in trouble. I hope it works.

Answer 5

Well, if I had a dollar for everytime I saw a guy ask this age old question I could buy a Dr Phil franchise.

Some anti-deps do suppress libido - so definitely get that checked out as the SECOND step.

The FIRST step is to talk about it and get her to agree that (almost) no sex is damaging your relationship as it is a fundamental need of yours. Explain carefully how bad it makes you feel to be the recipient of 'duty sex' and as much as you appreciate her making the effort it isn't working.

Some women refuse to talk about it because they don't have any solution that they can see, and to be fair, if she doesn't feel like sex, she doesn't want to talk about it either.

Gentle discussion away from the bedroom, raising issues such as medical/chemical/hormonal causes is possibley the best way to start. She may agree to investigate or deny there is a problem.

If she does agree to investigate and there is no medical reason other than she just doesn't feel that way anymore, then get stuck into an intensive course of romantic therapy. Spend money if you have it.... or have moonlit backyard picnics if you don't.

If none of this works then you have to decide if this is going to be a big enough issue to force you to seek extreme measures such as exiting or looking outside the marriage for sex - either with or without her permission.

Although women must rightly have control and choice over their bodies, they also have to realise they can't make a unilateral decision that their husband is to become celibate too., especially without consulting him over it.

It may hurt to think of him having sex elsewhere, yet it hurts him to be constantly rejected by someone he loves. Although men do not form the same sex = love rule as women, there is still a huge emotional rush in having sex with someone we love and it is missed greatly when sex is just duty sex.

Answer 6

So you "still" believe in marriage. That says a lot. Sounds like you are ready to head out the door. Tell her you love her and ask her to talk with her doctor about her anti-depressent prescription. There are many kinds and that is one of the side effects. How about taking her on a date? Or bring home flowers some night? Are you the kind of guy that pinches her butt and says, "You could use a gym membership!" When a woman doesn't feel attractive or that her husband or boyfriend is critical of her body, that pretty much burns out any spark. It's just a thought.

Answer 7

That's harsh. Rejection is a very damaging feeling. You guys need counseling FAST. How many kids and how old are they? If any are under 3 - that could be a huge part in it. If she is on anti-depressants - they could be affecting her sex-drive. Try romancing her emotionally for awhile and get reconnected at a deeper level. Sending flowers - dining - parties - etc. Take it back to 10 years ago... what are you doing different? Guys need sex, women need love. Try hard to see it her way and maybe she'll come around. Counseling would be ideal.

Answer 8

Sex therapist. The pills could cause her to lose the desire for sex because of side effects. Only two years of fantastic sex. You are a good man to not cheat. Hope she is not making excuses because of other man. You need counselor of some kind. Do not mess with anyone at work. Be stronger. No arguing talk to her, romance her, bring flowers, jewlry, remember how those two years started see if you can rekindle it. Sex Therapist next.

Answer 9

I took anti-depressants for several years. They ALL killed my sex drive. When I did have sex I couldn't feel much of anything which made it all that much worse. I tried several different anti-depressants. Even the ones that aren't supposed to have side effects made me feel this way. Sorry that's not very good news for you but, it's really probably nothing she is even aware of and if she is....she probably can't do anything about it. Hang in there. I think it's great you are standing by her!

Answer 10

there are some anti deppresant that can have an affect on your sex drive. also if she is depressed that might take away her desire to have sex. i know i never want to have sex when i'm sad. this is not like in the movies when a girl is scared or has just been saved she always ends up kissing or having sex with the person who saved her. most of the time that doesn't happen in real life.

Answer 11

How about if you lay your hand on them,say on a thigh, they tell you it hurts. How bout if you buy them flowers, they say why'd you waste the money. How bout if you're traveling at above the speed limit, and she says " I hope you get a ticket". How bout if on your tenth, you set up the suite with music, and ice the champagne, and she doesn't respond at all. What if you spend two weeks in a lost cabin in the wilderness, without a speck of sex.. I get unattractive , I get plain old mean, I get aggressive, but I also refuse to do these things in front of the wife, a non-first strike agreement. so I divorced her. The conversation was bad, and sex non-existent. Ten more years would have been the end of me, there are things worse than death.