Thoughts on Living Together vs Getting Married???

Question

I read in the paper a few days ago that more and more people are living together vs getting married...having kids while living together...what are your thoughts on this? What do you think the reason for this trend is? Is it that people do not believe in the piece of paper? Weddings are expensive? Although I would think you could get married by a judge cheaply and have a party at your house if it were the expense...is it the till death do us part thing? I would think you would figure on a long term commitment if you were having kids though? I am just wondering what everyone's thoughts are on this, as it seems to be happening more and more...

I just wanted to add a few more details...My husband and myself have been married for 12 years. I was not really asking for myself..I was curious about why this trend was occuring. I got married by today's standards fairly young...almost 26, many people I know today are getting married in their late twenties early 30s. My husband and I lived together for a couple of years before we got married and we have had some bumps in the road when we got married which involved marriage counseling...maybe if we were different people and did not make allowances for the others faults(although In an abusive relationship, you should never make allowances) we could have divorced. I just would think if you are committed enough to have a child with someone, you would be committed enough to marry them...I am NOT passing judgement, just really wondering what has occurred to make this trend so prevalent...for the record I did feel and I know this sounds corny, a completion when we got married..

like we were in this together...that sort of thing...like we were a family...not that you are not a family when you live together but it just FELT different...

oh yeah, and maybe it makes a difference if you are a woman and stay at home...but I know many married couples that both work making comparitable money, I would think that everything would then be split down the middle...

Answer 1

Its funny that you bring this up when just the other day i was watching television and this celebrity couple came on that has been living together for like 30 years but never gotten married. And the lady said that they're fine with just living together w/o the peice of paper, because it was nice to know that he was there because he wanted to be and not because some peice of paper says he should be. I see that point and i agree with it. I live with my boyfriend, we've been together for 5 years this year, we have a 6month old baby girl and we're happy with the way things are. It doesnt really matter wether there's a paper that makes it official, we are technically married. We do plan on a wedding someday, just for now, we're fine with the way things are. I think it might have something to do with the previous years' devorce rates. Many kids grew up with step parents and now they're the ones that are just living together with their partners. Or it maybe the fact that now days' people a little more liberal.

Answer 2

It's your decision. With marriage, it is a contract between two people. If you live together, one or the other can just move out whenever something better comes along. That is no situation to have kids. If it is the cost of marriage that you are afraid of. You should talk with your friends. Maybe you could get married in someone's backyard with a beautiful garden, your friends watching, and then have a party there. It doesn't have to be expensive. Marriage is a commitment that is "til death do we part." Marriage is not "until I'm sick of it and have found someone better than you!" Think before you marry. It will determine whether your life will be happy or full of chaos if you marry the wrong person.

Answer 3

It's all in the seriousness and maturity of the commitment, which is what marriage gives. It also means looking past one's own selfishness to whether you want children - if so, they need the stability and security of being in a home where the parents are married. I'm a teacher, and you won't believe the trouble kids are having - with mom and dad shacking up, or just one of the couple is the parent, different surnames - the kids are lost and just don't feel like they belong!
I don't believe in living together, however, if someone does, then they have to know that IS IT. One just has to look around on the Answers Relationship sites to see LOTS of girls who have been living with a guy for two or more years and can't figure out WHY he isn't asking her to marry him. And, if they do get engaged, why he won't set a wedding date.

Answer 4

Weddings are expensive. Marriage is like a hot tub, Once you get in it ain't so hot. It seems nobody today knows what forever means. Kids should be brought into this world by a loving family not friends shackin-up. I was married by a justice of the peace, had two kids and divorce after 7 years. I would have stayed together forever. Weddings are not so important. Marriage is. I am now living with a lady, we have been together 5yrs. I don't think I will ever get married again.

Answer 5

Well it depends very much on the kind of upbringing and beliefs that an individual has. For today's world, many young people tend to choose people whom they think they are in love and they have the idea of a "try out" thing where they live together first then decide if they want to get married later. I think it is the commitment they are afraid of and maybe lack of money also.Also they might have thought that since they are legally married, they can just call it off without any strings attached. That is what I see in these relationships.

Answer 6

Well times they are changing. I am getting married this summer but my fiance and I have been living together almost 2 years. Some people think it won't change things by getting married, for some they may not want to go thru the "hassel" or fear the divorce. 1 in 5 (ithink) marriages end in divorce now a days - so either the commitment is not taken serious or peopel just don't want to put in the effort.

Answer 7

We are all different, do you really need someone elses opinion on such a personel thing? I think it depends on what you expect from life and your ages. I think it is a good idea to be married before having children so they have a sense of security of 2 parents. I dont think the cost of a marriage is relevent, you should know how much you can afford to spend and keep to it. You do not need a piece of paper to prove to someone that you love them. Divorce is nasty and expensive. Living together is so much easier when you are older, you can keep your independence and leave when you feel like it. Good luck but remember the decision is yours at the end of the day.

Answer 8

I think people just don't want to make long-term commitments anymore. Many children live in single-parent house holds, so there's evidence right there. Also, the commitment levels of todays couples are not exactly stable -- they sleep around more then anything else ... which is very unfortunate -- due to the consequnces behind having multiple partners ... along with having children by MANY different people. Yikes! It such a mess.

Personally, I couldn't live with a man unless I knew we were going to make things permenant. I have to be married in order to fully give myself to a guy -- especially if I decide to have children.

Answer 9

I don't know about the woman but allot of guys are afraid there going to get stung by a woman .Allot of woman are cheating on the guys nowadays and the court system is mainly on the woman's side . A woman can hit a man and that's fine a man hits on a woman and its abuse . They divorce and the woman gets the kids and house because the man is suppose to be the bread winner and the woman is to stay at home and raise the kids according to the courts but in real life try to make a woman stay home they call it abuse again . Much easier to keep the courts out of it and just walk away .If we should disagree You go your way and ill go mine.

Answer 10

I dont personally know of a sinlge couple who has been shacking for 40 yrs.Most your shack ups end badly.Why?One of them wants to get married and the other want to keep "waiting to see if it works out".When the other gets tired of waiting they either badger the other person to marry them and coerce them by threatening to leave,which if the person doesnt see greener grass on the other side yet, they do marry them grudgingly just to divorce.Other times, they become their reale selves once they marry feeling "I have them now they wont go anywwhere and quit putting on a show, then divorce.Also, I know more married couples who have stayed togther longer than shack ups, a lot of times one sees the greener grass on the other side and takes off .When confronted about it they say "HEY WE ARENT MARRIED I NEVER MADE A COMMITTMENT TO YOU!"You see, "I LOVE YOU" is NOT a committment, its merely a verbalizing of one's emotions towards you.Shacking up is NOT a committment, it is an ongoing audition which many never get the part, and then the ones who do usually lose because it was given under duress."I DO" is a committment of love, dont settle for anything less.The reeason shacking up is happening more and more is because society allows it and promotes it when you see the results though, they arent good in the long run.