What do you think of this poem?

Question

When in your wings
My heart flies high
With a tender sting
And a beckoning cry

Hold me again
Let yesterday recur
Lose yourself
In this short lived affair

Cast your worries
Into times forgiving arms
Give it not a second thought
Splendor with your charm

Answer 1

I like it, but it's a bit too conventional; I like my poetry more messy.

Answer 2

It has an almost modern spin an classical writings. It reminds me of those inate thoughts of Brendan Behan when he first fell in love with another boy while in a Borstal in England, he knew it would be forbidden and so he never acted on his raw emotions, rather prudent in a time of self relief. When a poem or rather it's writer combines two different era's into the one prose it's effets are romantic but wrong and this poem is no exception, however I do like it, charming, short and sweet.

Answer 3

It starts off beautifully, but you lose your rhythmn and meter halfway through the second stanza. It becomes a bit choppy and sounds like prose there. Read it aloud and see what you think. I have this funny feeling when I read it = like a word is missing in there somewhere, Beautiful sentiment though. Very pretty. Pax - C.

Answer 4

Its not bad, but try not to get stuck up in the idea that it has to rhyme.
Not all poems have to, and you limit yourself when you force yourself to.
If you can hold onto the idea and meaning and rhythm and structure without rhyme, its still a poem and tends to be a better one because there is so much more language that you open yourself up to.