situation?

Question

i have a girlfriend in rehab. she has anger problem and about 6 months ago she had me arrested for domestic violence. to be more specific i called the police but ended been arrested. i did not touch her but she felt she had to srtike first and cry to the police. anyway fast foward to today i got a restraining order against her and had her moved out of my house and she was jumping from hotel to hotel and fighting for costody of my child with her parents. basically her aprents wants her to move back to home and have the baby close to tem and her. ( not so sure they care for her but for sure thay want my son) so she now is in rehab i help pay for and helped taking her to the rehab. she is a nice girl with good heart but she is has subtance abuse problem and phicilogical issue that appears to be from her early childhood. she recently told me she was rape by an ex boyfriend but keeps making excuse for him. i am confused i want to end this relationship but some part of me still loves her.???

Answer 1

the only way this will work out is if she continues to get help. rehab is the best bet. with drug abbuse and anger problems you CAN NOT make a relationship work. Plus you dont want your child grwoing up around that. if she dosent change you GOTTA GOTTA GOT TO give up on it and fight for whats best for your kid. Good luck. i hope things work out the best way possible for you!

Answer 2

Typical behaviour for druggies. It is everyone else's fault but their own and they lash out at anyone who tells them they have a problem. Deep down they know it, but the frustration, desperation and shame makes them act out violently.

Custody of the child guarantees access to money via social security, etc, and many female druggies know this. Some pivot from being motherly (they do really love the child and don't want to lose it) to treating the child as a cash-cow depending on the state of mind at the time.

If she loses custody of your child she will be pregnant within a few months.... the parenting payment is a big lure once child support and Centrelink benefits are reduced.

She may be a good girl at heart but in her present state she is a destructive influence on everyone she comes across.

The 'rape' is probably a fabrication to garner sympathy and childhood abuse is a fashionable excuse for all kinds of things these days (yeah, yeah, flame me.... but every made up story ruins the chance of real help being available for those who truly need it).

She's a druggie. Do not believe one word she says unless it is verified by an independent 'clean' person from a known welfare or support agency who have seen and heard all these stories before.

Get out now. Get together whatever you can to support her parents application for custody. Keep a diary and record whenever you have a bad interaction with her. Write down a clear recollection of past events.

Only after she is totally clean and has been so for a long time should you even consider having anything to do with her.

(oh, for those who argue druggies need to be "supported" through their dependicies, please weigh up the emotional, financial and non-tangible costs - it is soul destroyng and seldom results in a satisfatcory outcome - things are never back to what they once were).

Answer 3

Sad situation my friend, especially with a child in the thick of things. I assume you have considered the manipulation aspect that goes along with drug abuse. Must be vigilant about this potential. I don't know your girlfriend's drug of choice, but rehab is quite a battle. Thus taking her introduction back toward responsibility for her child needs to be slow. Many come out of there all excited about their cure. Not realistic. Too much, too soon can drive them over the edge in a heartbeat. I am sure you still the love the person she use to be and hopeful that return. I didn't notice in your post you want to keep custody of your child. Reasonable grandparent visitation is always encouraged. Unreasonable grandparent demands is a no no. I do not think you are in a position to make any final decisions about anything until your girlfriend comes out of rehab and settles into a direction she can be proud of. Until then be the best dad you can be and the rest will work itself out.

Answer 4

It appears that you have a big heart and theres nothing wrong with that sweety. Go with your gut though honey 'cause I don't know too many people that care for drama like that. Its clear that this girl needs serious help but there is only so much you can do. I guess what I'm really saying is its up to YOU on how much you can take and put up with. But only YOU know that answer. Maybe there isn't talking or reasoning with this girl. Maybe you need to talk to her parents and not just on the phone. It takes a real person to go face-to-face and let them know how you feel on the matter. But if you feel you've done all you can and can't go any further, it needs to be said. Maybe if you did step back and stick to your guns --- if this girl really loved you, she'd get her stuff together. I sure wish you luck sweety. It must be hard carrying all that baggage (stress) around.

Answer 5

She sounds like trouble with a capitol T. I am sorry for you and your child. You seem like you have it somewhat together, keep it that way for you child and move on to find someone who actually deserves you. Please re-read what you wrote, do you really want this kind of drama in your life? Thats what its going to be if you keep her in it, those kinds of people do not change. She may change for a short time because of her rehab, but she will slip back into her old ways, she had you arrested, thats nuts! Good luck to you.

Please, if you havent already done so, file for emergency custody while she is in rehab, this will hopefully give you the upper edge on your case.

Answer 6

is it really love or is it pity those are the things you need to figure out it is easy to mistake the two you feel sorry for her but she will need time after rehab to get her life together and as for your son he needs one stable place that she cant touch so he feels safe get her help and then give her time and then after all her drama dies down then try to figure out if you are in love with her or just going through white knight syndrome where you just want to safe her and make it better because once it is then she will still be there and then you might realize it was better apart and now have to deal with that! let the dust settle and then heal your self and then see where you guys are at! good luck

Answer 7

You should end it and get custody of your son. You may have lingering feelings for her right now, but in the end you'll be happier without her. You don't really have a chance to meet the person who will make you happy with this type of burden weighing on you. It's time to be a little selfish, not just for your sake but for your son's too.

Answer 8

Maybe you do still love her, but you may have to leave her alone. She needs to get clean and you need to take care of your kid. Which I'm sure you do. Don't let her bring you down by getting you in trouble with the law. Then both of you may lose your kid. She will need to help herself for the most part. There is too much to lose from you blindly helping her. Let her know you're there, but keep you distance!

Answer 9

i think you do love her on some level....but are not IN LOVE with her.....
i take it the baby boy is both of yours? if so, there will always be THAT connection. i think you need to step back for a bit and see if she gets the proper help and THEN really does change......
i fear for your son if she is around him.....even if her parents are near....
you should get custody while she is in rehab...it will look much better for YOU now...than later....good luck....
i feel you would be better off with someone else.....

Answer 10

You should get your child and make a life for yourself and the baby. Let her get cleaned up on her own. You are codependent. Put your baby first.