What can I do to help my Brother when he and his girlfriend both insist he doesnt need it.?

Question

He was diagnozed with OCPD years ago and refused treatment. He had a nervous breakdown when our father was killed in S America when he was 18.We were tricked and treated badly by our fathers relatives. He seems to have adopted many of our late fathers physical characteristics including speech patterns..He suffers insomia ..And he shows other very strange behavior. i have begged him on countless occasions to get treatment in a very diplomatic way but he gets aggressive. He is a funny mixture of docile and super dominent .And he always knows better.
He is partly responsible for my 82 grandmother and 60 yr old Mother being with no home after selling it 5 years ago.. He is not 100% to blame because they too are stubborn and over dominent . Grand only wanted to live in Spain and our Snobbish ensecure Mother only saw luxury properties they could not afford. Grand solidly refused to buy anything. They were waiting for bro to sell building plots. He is now living with a girl who he got preg

Several people have told us that his girlfriend cannot be trusted. His Russian girlfriend does not want him treated and is not bothered that he doent work because she knows that we have alot of land left by our Cuban father both in Cuba(unsaleable for now and maybe always) and Venezuel. She got pregnant for the first time at 36 yrs old with my brother after knowing him 2 weeks, when we are told she cheated on her first Monaco based boyfriend with several men. And has had dozens of boyfriends and has never got pregnent untill my brother came along. The baby is due in June.

There is a chance the baby isnt his. She even admitted it. My brother however refuses to believe that. If it is his then the baby is his and her responsibility.Maybe its what he needs. But I pray he doesnt deteriate if she leaves him and has planned all along to get some £$ out of him which everyone who has known her says is almost certain

Answer 1

There is nothing you can do. He is an adult and can make his own choices and unless he does something to harm himself or others, he can do what he wants.

Answer 2

There is very little you can do to help your brother, you will try & fail then blame yourself that you cant do anything to help. It seems that he needs more help, but professionally. See a doctor & seek medical intervention. It is possible that he is clinically depressed which will explain his mood swings. You cannot do everything for everybody all the time. They say that Charity begins at home but there is only so much charity you can give. Do not blame yourself or another member of the family for someone else's downfall. You can only give support & nurture where you can but in the end, it is always best to find a good physician or doctor and get a referral. It may sound hard and unsympathetic but believe me I have something very similar happen to my family & I still feel blame & shame for not doing more,but WHAT can you do, if you are continually at beck & call, YOU will end up the person in need of help, physically and mentally! Dont think of what happened in the past, it is something that creates the people we are today. You appear to be the sane one, with a mother and grandmother not looking after themselves in the best way they can, instead they demand and want things beyond their capabilities, maybe this ought to be set straight first, housing is difficult but they should be somewhere at least safe, have food and warmth & a loving son and grandson, but if your brother is having these turns, he ought to also have support and love from you, but you cannot handle everything. Maybe now he will become a father, you can be aroung to make sure you are a good uncle, too. I am truly sorry for your situation because it is difficult, but dont ever think you can do better than the professionals. Your brother may well become a good father and maybe get over the death of your father, when he accepts it as a final thing & he will not return. But I guess you are Catholic, by the reference to Spain & South America etc but maybe some reference to visiting a counsellor in the priesthood, or local charity who will help him. But his pregnant girlfriend should be made a pregnant wife, with some stability in his life, he may change, and it is not fair on his girlfriend to be left out of the equation. Dont interfere by talking too much to her, just when they are together, to talk it over. Ask if they need your support, and confirm that you will always be there to help, but remember if he has aggressive tendencies, to wait until he is in a more docile mood. Check also that his docile moods are not medication already prescribed by a doctor. I am sure you will be able to find out easily enough. Good luck to you, you will need as much luck as you will need patience, but remember not to overdo it, take a break in-between visits and maybe spend some extra time telephoning him rather than making physical visits all the time to their house.

Answer 3

Sorry to tell you but there is nothing you can do to help your brother until he admits that he needs any helps and seeks it for himself. All you can do is be supportive until, and beyond, that time.
You can not force someone to do something. If you did force ohim to get treatment (by blackmail, tears, tantrums etc) he would probably stop the treatment very quickly because he clearly does not want it.
In regards to his girlfriend, don't get involved. At the end she is carrying your niece or nephew, for whatever reason she got preganant, that baby is still family. Just be polite. If you try to get involved, it will backfire on you.

Answer 4

Well, you can always back off, because usually mentally ill people do not like to express that they have a problem. Believe me.

Or if you don't really want to back off I guess there isn't much else I think I would do. And I like to help people. You could fund his baby on the way, you could support him and give him money when he needs it, I guess.