how should you think when you worry youll never find that special somebody, a nice girl, because of my?

Question

circumstances in life? i worry ill spend the rest of my days alone. im 29 and have a borderline personality disorder.
because of my condition im missin out on life.
ive never had a girlfriend, and im worrying ill never find that someone i fancy either.
im jealous of other peoples lives, because most people my age are getting on with their lives and are having their needs met. ie. employment, wealth, relashionships etc.


i get sad when i hear music by the group 'chicago' , because not long ago, a couple of weeks back, a girl of 20. from hamilton canada, that i developed a relashionship up with on the internet for two years, has finished with me. now i feel sad, alone and empty.
im 29, live in the uk, and i dont think ill be able to find someone like her again,
im physically agein, and im waitin for therapy for borderline personality disorder.
the song ' baby what a big surprise' by chicago came on the radio before, and it reminded me of her.

Answer 1

For starters:

1) Not everyone your age is out having a gay 'ole' time. When we are depressed, it doesn't take seeing too many other people being happy to make 'generalizations' about how the world is. Sure, there are others your age being happy, but there are also alot of people your age feeling miserable and alone and worrying about the same thing. Your 'feelings' change how you see the world, what you recognize and what you don't.

2) Trying to 'escape' our problems through something or someone else usually doesn't work out. And yes, getting 'emotionally' involved with someone from Canada when you live in the UK can be considered just as much an escape as someone doing a line of coke. In other words, we can substitute an activity (including falling 'in love) as a means of trying not to deal with the problem(s) we have.

3) Substitution usually only ends up adding to our problems, not solving them. Falling 'in love' with someone may make you feel better when its happening, but when it ends, then you have the problems you originally had plus the added emotional break-up problems on top, so that you can end up more vulnerable than when you started. Would you, in a rush to get your clothes washed, start trying on every outfit in your closet as a way to take your mind off your problem? You'd end up with more clothes to wash than you started with. Same idea goes here.

4) Taking care of yourself is the best way to prepare for the kind of relationship that you want/desire. If you are lonely now, then you can either think of your situation as 'hopeless' or simply think of it as 'boy, when I get older/better, the girl whom I attract is going to be even better than she is now, considering she'll have to be in order to satisfy all those years of longing.' One idea doesn't help you at all, the other helps motivate you into realizing just what kind of relationship you are looking for, and what kind of person you could be for them.

For me, every relationship that 'fails' I simply see as something else my 'girl' will have to rise above in order to be with me. That not only is going to make her a better person, but knowing how 'great' she is going to be actually motivates me to take care of myself in preparation. The healthier I am when she does arrive, the better our relationship will be. You can see yourself the same way.

Answer 2

Is there a medication or treatment for Borderline Personality Disorder? I was diagnosed with that as well, but I haven't found it to be much of a problem.

Don't worry about finding that "certain someone." It shouldn't be your focus in life. Just live your life, make some good friends, and everything will turn out alright. Don't focus on the bad stuff. Don't see yourself as "damaged" or anything like that. Like yourself for who you are, and others will like you too.

Answer 3

We are all ageing, so don't feel like that.

You will find that person for you. I know it in my bones.