I caught my 14 year old on an inappropriate website...what should I do with him?

Question

He's always been a "good kid"...these days he is being lazy; it is hard to get him to study, do his chores, and now this website business...what should I do? I am going out of my mind because I have a changeling in his room...

For all you people accusing me of not supervising my son, he was "doing homework" at the time, he does not have a computer in his room - it is in our home office (did check the firewall, and adapted it), and he plays hockey, golf, soccer, referees and has two part-time jobs...i want practical suggestions, not "Oh, what a bad parent you are.." if I was a bad parent, I wouldn't CARE!!!

Oh yeah, and the first guy who answered? His dad is not impressed with him either...

Answer 1

Kids will explore. My 15 yr old uses my PC for his homework also. I also have saw him on sites I did not approve of. You cant keep them from doing undesired things, you just have to let them know you dont approve.

Its not your fault he was exploring. It does not make you a bad parent. The fact you care what he was looking at shows that you are trying to raise him up to be a great man.

Just because a boy does something we dont like doesn't mean the dad isn't around. Some people are suck morons.

I would ground him from the PC for 1 week. Explain why, and Tell him next time it will be a month. Tell your husband when he is in hearing distance, but NOT TO HIM...... that you put a program on the PC that logs all activity, so you will always track who was on what sites. That should scare him to access another "bad" site

Answer 2

I think Jackes is on the right tracks (?) and Kelly K has no clue what he's talking about. Adolescents need guidance and you're doing a good thing. My parental controls didn't help a lot because my kid learned to get around them somehow, but I still monitor her the best I can and forbid certain chat rooms. Kids are going to do whatever they can get away with and you can only do the best you can.
Two things: His grades are falling and he's lost interest in his chores BECAUSE he has this new interests.
If I know what you're talking about, that stuff can be addictive at almost any age.
The other thing is that you must not lose your cool, he's already seen what he has seen and you can't back-track. Understand that he might already know a whole lot more than you were ready to accept, and then talk to him at that level.
First express your concerns and then tell him what is wrong with what he's doing. THEN you can proceed to use your parental controls to limit the time he can use the PC and try to monitor his activity and share in it the best you can. It works for me! But not everyone is the same.
I take my Modem to my room every night because my girl was getting up at night to IM. Oh yeah! Where there's a will there's a way. You're not to blame, Kids will be kids.

Answer 3

welcome to the age of puberty, what ever you say and do, are going to go in one side and out the other no matter what. the best that you can hope for is an even draw in the future, if you can get his attention. with all the hormones flowing, its doubtful, think of an emerging hulk monster. try to show, not tell him why you think that his interest in the offending web sites are wrong, explain that they can lead to a contaminated computer that will have to be cleaned by an expert, and any explict content, especially regarding porn that is unauthorised, can lead to legal criminal charges and the resultant corresponding incarceration of the computer owner/users.. for an adult, it may be allowed, but as an underage teen, such conduct should be off limits and therfore be prohibited, at least until age 21. good luck

Answer 4

P R AC T I C A L -------------A N S W E R

this is a global problem , the best way i found was to install a filter software........though paid software like Net Nanny may cost u alot..........u may use this

http://www.k9webprotection.com/

the most effective parental monitor and filter software (freeware 4 home users) and this is really effective ...u wont beleive im just an 18 yr old guy and have distributed to all my freinds.................and we are happily using it............coz porn things make society and nation malignated it is our initiative to make a healthy generation

this software has whole range of effective things.....
few are
1. automatically updates
2. immmposible to hack (gives the no. of times fail attempts)
3. has so many categories 4 blocking (excellent i feel)
4. gives u the list of pages visited
5.time duration can be set
and so0o0o0o0 many plzz visit the site

I feel u to be good mom that u brought up this question to surface.......several ppl has asked me and they r happy

A B O UT -----UR---------- S O N
don discuss much abt about this just say him if i ever find a site.....which r not family freindly........NO MORE NET

PLZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
rate this answer coz this is our initiative
plzzzz mail me your response

Answer 5

Okay, relax. 14 year old boys are FULL of raging hormones. His behavior is perfectly normal and is no indication one way or the other of your parenting abilities which are obviously good.

When I was 14 I'd buy Penthouse and Playboy if the clerks would sell them to me (they often did) and if not, I'd steal them. Why? So I could look at them and masturbate which is exactly what your son is doing just as your husband once did. (Don't try to deny it.) There is nothing gross or disgusting or unnatural about this, ESPECIALLY at his age.

Even though his behavior isn't inappropriate, the vast majority of nude websites ARE inappropriate because they objectify women's bodies and can condition males not to think of women as human beings and equals but as mere objects of sexual desire.

He needs to be told this. He needs to be told that his sexual urges are normal but that those websites are using him so you don't want him to look at them. However, and this is very important: HIS MOTHER CAN NOT BE THE ONE TO TELL HIM THIS. He must here it from Dad.

What Mom needs to do is spend 1-2 hours a week having a conversation with him. The subject should be something he's interested in: sports, politics, school - but NOT SEX. He needs to connect with you as a human being, not as a mother or a woman. After all, your difference in gender is trivial compared to the commonality of the human experience that you both share. If he connects with you as another human being, he will be more likely to have better relationships with girls in high school or women in college and he will learn to respect them for more than the pleasure their bodies can provide.

I'm sorry to be so blunt but with a subject like this there is no point in being evasive.

Good Luck!

Answer 6

first of all kids are curious and they will look at anything they are curious at. but on the other hand it is wrong because he is still young and he shouldn't be looking at innapropriate things. what i would do if i ever caught my son or daughter doing this is talk to him about what he did was wrong also have you had the sex talk yet if not then maybe this would be a good time. talk to him about his changing body and any questions he has for you. listen to him and make him feel comfortable telling you stuff. another thing you could do is put parental control on your computer becasue the internet is not for young children or even teenagers right now! it's disgusting and it's reality so good luck and hopefully you do talk to him!

Answer 7

Remove the computer monitor when you are not home. Only let him use it for homework, but only when you can see what he is doing. Respect and trust need to be earned back. Tell him when he gets his grades back up and gets his chores done without being nagged, say, for 6 months, he can have his computer privileges back, but put a block on inappropriate websites. My step-son did the same thing when he was 15 and my husband didn't do anything about it and it only got worse. He didn't crack down on him and basically let him do what he wanted and he is now a 20 year-old high school drop-out with limited job potential, so I do know what I am talking about.

Answer 8

first, i think a "i am disappointed in you for looking at a site like this'
and then talk to your son, not at him and listen to his explanation before you holler and shout...he may have a perfectly good reason...he may just be satisfying his curiosity...
did he get 'the talk' and maybe he was answering some of his own questions...
if you bully him, he may resent that and look at the site even more
if you can be objective, he may be more reasonable and that will open up more dialog
good luck

Answer 9

Dont do anything that doesnt have to do with what he did, like no tv or friends.....it wont help...trust me. Talk 2 him and tell him your dissapointed in him and block all the bad websites. If you catch him again, give him a reallllly bad punishment

Answer 10

Many computers have a parental block feature with which one can block pages with an adult rating. You should look for one of those in the computer. Otherwise it would be hard to punish him. Even if you yell he would probably continue doing it. In a more clandestine manner, though.