Can somebody ammend this..My grammar is really bad...i need to hand it tom. kindly help?

Question

However, there were also weaknesses highlighted by both my peers and my tutor. The main area for improvement as indicated was the use of visual aids in the presentation. Comments pointed out that images shown on the OHP were not accurately focused and therefore made viewing for audience members difficult. This error was due to nervousness during the delivery of the presentation that disabled me to focus the OHP before showing it to the audience. It is important to rectify this mistake in future presentation as I consider the use of visual aids important in presentations. What I should have done was use the OHP during my practice sessions and put myself in the position of the audience, or asked the audience if they could see it properly.

Another important weakness identified by my tutor and my peers was the method I used to explain the different physical and psychological effects of domestic violence. Instead of naming all the effects first and explaining it one by one afterwards, I could have used the cover and reveal technique to allow the audience to focus on the effects one by one as I elaborate on them. Also, this would have allowed me to interact more fully with the OHP and would have helped the audience digest the information.

Furthermore, weaknesses identified by my peers included not speaking fluently during the presentation and not responding effectively to questions posed following the oral presentation. During feedback, they specified that there were some grammatical errors and pronunciation difficulties in the talk. They indicated that these were unimportant faults and could be the result of nervousness that did not affect the whole delivery of the presentation. They also mentioned that their questions were not answered successfully as it was possible to. This error could have improved by simply writing down the possible questions that could occur and thoroughly researching for the possible answer to the question. Also, however I tried to omit some grammatical errors during the planning and practice sessions; grammatical mistakes were made probably due to nervousness during the talk. This could only be enhanced by building self-confidence through practice, and by gaining further experience to reduce nervousness.

All in all, In spite of the weaknesses, I believe that the presentation successfully achieved all the set criteria for this assignment. If I had to carry out this task again, I would use the similar structure and visual aids. The only amendments I would make would be accurately focusing the OHP before hand, and learning to use the OHP by means of practicing. Also, I would use the cover and reveal technique introduced by my tutor to allow the audience to focus on the effects one by one as I elaborate on them, as well as to interact more fully with the OHP. Moreover, to conquer my fear and nervousness, I would practice more and gain more experience. To conclude, this presentation has given me a valuable experience which will be useful for university standard studies, and has built my self-confidence in speaking English in front of native speakers, which probably would have never happened.

Answer 1

"disabled me to focus" is not right. "Prevented me from focusing" is probably what you want.
"all the effects first and explaining it one by one" instead of "it" you should say "them"
"not answered successfully" should be "not answered as successfully"
"thoroughly researching for the possible answer" should be "thoroughly researching possible answers"
Drop "Also, however" and just start the sentence with "I".
"use the similar structure" instead of "the" say "a" [or say "use the same structure]
Drop "to conclude" and start the sentence with "This presentation"

Good luck

Answer 2

The word " elaborate" in your second paragraph should read " elaborated" . Glad to be of help.