My long distance boyfriend of 2 yrs and I broke up this Saturday. It was a hard breakup, but it was clean. I was okay about it, and I thought he was too.
The problem is that he deals with his emotions with alcohol. Saturday night he drank and when he "woke" up, he had a concussion, fractured jaw, and something wrong with his rib. He says he was beat up or mugged and blacked out, doesnt remember anything.
He called me and told me all this on Sunday. He refused to get checked out because "I'm fine, baby."
It is now Wednesday and I have talked to him on the phone for about 30 seconds, and he was so vague about how he was doing, (I am worried, of course.) and didnt even say goodbye when he hung up.
I think this is ridiculous. He is being completely inconsiderate of my feelings not letting me know if he is feeling better or getting checked out.
My question is: What should I do? Am I overreacting? Should I call and try to get straight answers?? Should I just leave him be?
2007-03-28 11:48:26 · 22 answers · asked by love anyway 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Since your asking, I think you should just leave him alone since you already broke up with him. He didn't get hurt because of you, He got hurt because mouth. (probably) He will get over it eventually. The more you bother him about it, the longer it will take him to get back on his feet. Besides, it was a long distance relationship, You can't even do anything for him from where your standing anyway.
2007-03-28 11:54:59 · answer #1 · answered by DREAMER 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Did you break up with your boyfriend or did he break up with you? My fear is that if you broke up with him, he's trying to get your attention. It sounds like he is laying a guilt trip on you.
Since you live so far away, you really have no way to prove that he actually got hurt. Maybe he thinks that you will come back to him if you feel sorry for him.
I realize that your break-up is recent, but if the two of you have decided not to be together and he doesn't feel like talking...you should probably leave him alone.
Emotionally healthy people don't resort to alcohol to solve their problems. Stable people stay sober and face reality even when it hurts. There also seems to be an underlying lack of respect since he can't give straight answers to straight questions. All the way around, my gut feeling is that you are better off without him.
Good Luck.
2007-03-28 12:10:34 · answer #2 · answered by FormerGiGi 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he is crying for attention. He isn't doing OK and misses your terribly.
But its like a child throwing a temper tantrum the best way to deal with it is to ignore him and his behaviour. By doing the "poor baby" routine when he drinks (which he needs to get soem help, I have done the battle with the bottle before and drinking just causes more problems). By pampering him and showering him with attention he gets the idea that thats how he gets the attetnion when it isn't right for his kidney and livers sake and for your own emotional sake.
The school of hard knocks is your best bet. You asked him if he was OK, told him he should go to the doctor. What he does now is not your problem. When he calls you don't ask him about it, if he goes on about how he got drunk again yadda yadda yadda, tell him flat out, thats your problem. You sleep in the bed you make.
You will quickly find that once he learns that such behaviour isn't tolorated you will find he wont drink so much or atleast not whine for the attention.
2007-03-28 11:56:09 · answer #3 · answered by grandstander_girl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He may be trying to gain your attention, draw you back into his life . It's all about control. You broke it off, he may not have really wanted to. You were firm with the relationship being over. If it was as bad as he described, he'd seen a doctor and there would have been no need for him to tell you all of the gory details of his injuries.
Leave him alone. He has family, let them take care of him if he is as bad as he described. You can care but don't make the mistake of opening a chance in his mind of getting back together.
2007-03-28 11:55:15 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You broke up. You should look up what "broke up" means. I can't believe that you are accusing him of stuff look at yourself, you are totally in this guy's business like you're still going out. The proper answer when he calls you after breaking up is "Sorry we're broken up, talk to someone else."
You do not call people on the phone and say you'r fine when you have a fractured jaw, because it is incredibly painful to talk. And you don't know if you've had a concussion unless you actaully see a doctor. Just leave the drama behind unless you love drama and hate yourself.
Then change your phone number.
2007-03-28 11:51:24 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 3⤋
Just leave him be. This might be the bottom that he needs to finally seek help. Nine years ago, my GF left me for another man. I went out and got drunk that night and was asked to leave a club because I got drunk. I responded by spitting on the bouncer. I was restrained, the police came, and took me to jail. In jail I tried to kill myself and was placed on suicide watch where I sat in a small cell naked with the Officers assigned to watch me making unkind jokes.
I was released around 5 AM with a notice to appear in court on Monday. The only problem was I was in the military at the time and had to be back to work on Monday at 0700 (7 AM). I contacted an attorney (very impossible to get a hold of a criminal attorney on Sunday afternoon) to find out my options and had to pay her $500.00 to get her to write a letter to the judge requesting a postponement until I could get leave to go to Court. You see, I was trying to keep the military from finding out. My career could have been over.
I went to Court two weeks later while on leave and,by God's grace, the case was taken under "advisement" meaning that if I stayed out of trouble for six months it would be dropped from my record. The Judge told me he "never wanted to see me again"
This was my "bottom" which made me finally accept the fact that I had a problem with alcohol. I began going to AA and I have been sober 9 years and am married to a wonderful woman. Today, I am grateful for that break up 9 years ago because it finally made me accept the fact that I cannot drink safely and get the help I needed. I had never done it before because someone was always coddling or covering for me and I never had to take responsibility for my behavior.
Four years ago, I made amends to my ex for the way I treated her during our relationship. I also thanked her for breaking up with me because it forced me to seek the help I needed.
2007-03-28 12:14:11 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its a long distance relationship, how do you know he really got beat up or mugged? Maybe he is doing it for the attention, to see if you still care... I have a feeling he is doing ok if he wont give you details on how hes doing or how it happened.....
Best of luck to you...
2007-03-28 11:53:37 · answer #7 · answered by Jesse 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Did you see him? I have had a b/f make up a story before to get my attention. He knew we were going to break up within the week so he did anything to make me feel bad. (He said he broke his arm, but when I asked his friend about it he had no idea). I wouldnt completely believe it. Just let it go anyways. If he doesnt care about you, why care about him?
2007-03-28 11:52:45 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You broke up with him, so why the hell do you care? If he wants to spend his life living out of a bottle and getting his *** kicked for being an idiot, let him.
Move on, don't call him again and get a life.
2007-03-28 11:51:39 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would say leave it alone... if he's hurtin bad enough he'll go to the doctor eventually. He might be just making it up to get your attention back to him. Just a guess, though. But dont worry.. :)
If he needs help, there is nothing you can do until he wants it.
2007-03-28 11:52:20 · answer #10 · answered by lovepink317537 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋