Why does an abused woman stay with her abuser?

Question

Looking for links to the psychology behind why he/she stays, Paper for Community Mental heath

Answer 1

When a person is abusive they are very manipulative. At first, they may seem like the perfect partner, they may shower you with love and gifts. Then once they have secured their position in your life, that is often when the abuse slowly starts. Often times, people don't become obviously abusive until after marriage. With abusive heterosexual men, often the abuse starts when the woman gets pregnant. First, the abuser will try to alienate the victim from their family and friends. They also isolate their victims financially so that they are dependent on the abuser for everything. They attempt to separate their victim from people who care about them so that they will become emotionally isolated. When you don't have anyone to turn to for advice or help, it is a lot easier for the abuser to normalize their abusive behavior, so that the victim doesn't think that what is happening is too abnormal. Then the abuser will break down your self esteem. They will tell you you are ugly, stupid, fat, etc. But they will make you feel as if they are the only one who will love you, despite all of the horrible things about you, and you are so isolated there is no one to confide in, and no one to counteract these put-downs, so the victim begins to believe it is true that they are these things. Then the abuser is at his or her height in power and may begin to feel as though they can get away with anything they do to the victim. They may start beating and raping them. By this time the victim is so beaten down and isolated that they do not know what is really happening or what to do about it. When a victim tries to leave, that is the most dangerous time for them. When the abuser sees their power being taken away that is when they may become the most irate and violent. Abusers do not see their victims as people with free will, but rather possessions. Most abuse shelters do not list their addresses because they are aware that the abuser will stop at no end in attempts to regain their property. I used to work at a battered women's shelter, and some times a man would find out his wife was there and he would come with his gun and stand outside threatening to shoot all of us unless he gets his wife and kids back. It is more dangerous for a woman to leave an abusive man than it is for her to stay with him often times. Most women who are killed by abusive husbands or boyfriends are killed when they try to leave. So that is why so many women stay. They have deep seeded fear rooted in extreme psychological and/or physical abuse perpetrated by their abusers.

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/domestic-violence/WO00044

http://www.domesticabuseproject.org

http://www.prevent-abuse-now.com/domviol.htm

Answer 2

People in that state stay for many reasons. Often, there is hope that their partner will change their evil ways, and go back to the person they fell in love with. Some would like to leave, but have been beat down so badly, they are afraid to go out into the world alone. They feel inferior, and who wouldn't? Here, the person who is supposed to love you, and treat you right, is putting you down. If even that person thinks so lowly of you, then why should anyone else think highly? They feel that maybe it's their fault for their partners abuse. You also need to consider that the abuser is not in a constant state of abusing. There are many moments in between in which that person is sweet and caring, and the abused stay for those moments. They feel that, even though they often go off, deep down the abuser really does care, but they just can't control their anger, and maybe it's my fault for not doing a good job. So they hope that they can keep the the sweet and loving side of the abuser, and work so hard to do so. They don't realize that no matter how hard they try, the abuser will always find something to complain about and blow up about. The abused can have 20 tasks and complete 18 of them perfectly, but the abuser will yell on and on about how messed up the 2 other jobs were. There is no pleasing an abuser, but the abused usually think (or hope) there is.

Answer 3

Speaking as the abused, the answer to that is harder than it seems. I think it is just a catch 22 really, you are afraid of leaving and being alone, but you are alone in the relationship. You become used to the way of life and think it is normal, and you get mixed up in what love really is all about. I had young kids, and I was afraid that if I left he would withhold child support, and I didn't want to put the kids through doing without. Your thought processes get mixed up and you forget that you would actually be doing your kids a favor by leaving the miserable mess. You also keep thinking (and hoping) that he will change, that he will see the light and come to his senses, and things will end up happily ever after. They don't, and they didn't, and I ended up just leaving because I couldn't live like this anymore. It was hard getting to that point though. It is very hard to explain why one stays, because many times you don't really know yourself.

Answer 4

They are afraid that the abuser will find her, or that their abuser will commit suicide.

You have to remember that the female still has feelings for her abuser no matter what he does to her.

I don't exactly know why they stay, I think they don't won't to alone, but at some point in time they realize that they have had enough so the finally leave when it's kind of too late.

Answer 5

She is robbed of self esteem..The abuser tells her she is hated, ugly, fat, stupid.
He tells her she ask to be treated this why. Of course he (the abuser) is always sorry later and loves her deeply.
She is afraid and brain washed over time.
Sometimes there is no place for her to go. The abuser tries be keep her away from friends and family. She feels totally alone.
People don’t want to get involved.
Help getting back on your feet is short term.
She needs help for more than a week.
Sorry no link just been there.

Answer 6

Some women are too scared to leave, believing her abuser will find her and then the abuse will be more severe. Most of the time, abuse often starts out being verbal. After the abuser has convinced their spouse they are worthless, or cannot survive on their own, the spouse begins to lack the self esteem and belief in themselves to become independant. Many abusers threaten to take custody of their children, making the situation they are in seem too difficult to get out of.

Answer 7

She may stay for economic reasons -- because she has kids and doesn't have a job. Or she may not have another place to go. She may fear that he would come after her and harm or even kill her. Or sometimes she has taken so much physical and/or psychological abuse that she begins to believe she deserves to be treated that way. Often they leave when they realize how badly its affecting the kids.

Answer 8

she is afraid to leave and also, because the abuser might say things like, "you are ugly", "you are a good for nothing", "you'll never amount to anything without me", "you are fat and nobody but me will want you", "i made you into who you are", "you are a loser"... things like that that really messes up a woman's self esteem. an abused woman will stay because she feels that she has no other choice; that if she leaves the man she's with now, she will have no one, and she will be lonely. its the fear of forever being alone that keeps a woman around.

Answer 9

They may have no other means of support.
They may have children and fear "splitting up the family."
They may doubt that they will be safe anywhere and he/she will eventually find them and be angry enough to kill them this time.
They may still love the abuser despite the pain.
Battered men may stay because of all of the above plus the social stereotype that men cannot be victims of spousal abuse.

Included some links for you to check out before writing your paper. Many others out there, just do a search. Best of luck.

Answer 10

Well when you have intercourse with someone you leave apart of you with that person. When the bible says two married persons become one flesh this was not literally speaking but it was simply saying that both spirits become one. And so you find that an abused woman does not really want to leave her abuser because it is as if apart of her would be missing.
Even if she leaves him 9 out of 10 times she will find another abuser to be with The song that says"Every time you go away you take a piece of me with you" - this song is so true. Every time you have intercourse with someone you become emotionally linked to them. A virgin who had sex with a man would be even more emotionally linked to him and even if he treats her badly she will keep going back.