but all my friends say that staying for the children is wrong. this woman that i have met is more perfect for me than anyone, and i am very good for her. we have so much in common and are laughing all the time, i no this wont always be the case, but together we feel so safe in each others arms, we are both very independent and could live alone if necessary, however despite the honeymoon period, we feel like we have known each other for years and can see a future together, but the problem is how to make abreak from our existing relationships?
2007-03-28 10:34:05 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Refrain from the adultery. You are causing irreparable damage to both your wife and kids (and future generations...grandkids & such). You are on the "Honeymoon Period" with this new gal, and in time, normal standard day-to-day irritations will rear their ugly head.
As soon as your marriage stopped exciting you, that was when you should have jumped into working on getting the cracks in the foundation repaired. Counseling should have been in order and done. Now your kids are going to suffer because your testosterone is stronger for the new fling rathar than for the person you pledged your life to.
Stop thinking with the head that is hormone-driven and get back to the head that is morally & committment-driven. God hates divorce and you are willingly chasing a pipe dream. Misery loves company; the "friends" who are telling you that staying together for the kids is wrong; that you "have the right to happiness" and it's "wrong to be miserable" are all in similar situations (whether they admit it or not). True friends would press you to fight for your marriage and dissuade you from entertaining the adultery with this new gal.
You think no one hurts? Try reading the link I attached below. It shows both the husband's and wife's perspectives when adultery was committed in their marriage. It is very eye-opening and makes you stop and think!
032807 5:42
2007-03-28 11:44:54 · answer #1 · answered by YRofTexas 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everything you are experiencing is basically a LIE. You are still marry as well as she still has ties with someone else. Don't use your children as an excuse of why you have been in this marriage because the children obviously has not helped much for you not seeking happiness elsewhere. If you are unhappy you need to be honest with your wife. You do owe her that much considering she might have been loyal to you and the children. I think you are ready to get a divorce considering you have apparently moved on already within your marriage. Don't use your wife and children as a Safety Net just in case the Angel turns sour and into a Devil.......
Try to make the best for your family to find their peace and their own happiness. After all, they do deserve that much....
2007-03-28 10:59:10 · answer #2 · answered by Yvette D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I never like hearing this. I guess it is the "wife" in me that hurts for your children and their mother. Bummer.
You've already done the worst/wrong thing and now I hope you'll do the right thing!
Tell your "angel" (angel's don't steal husbands) that you need to back off for awhile. This will be very rough on you both, but do it! After awhile, tell your wife that you love her and the children, but you are not happy. Ask her for a VERY FAIR divorce!!!! Always remember, this is your doing and is not her fault. What you do during this divorce will determine your future happiness/peace of mind!!
After you are a free man, pick back up with the love of your life. This is the right way. To continue sneaking around while you wife keeps your home, cares for your children is just so unfair! It's sickening, really.
You've been bitten by the 'love-bug' and I do feel that some people find more compatible partners (we are all way too young when we first marry). You just have to do the right thing by the mother of your children. If your children are "wonderful", she played a huge part in making them this way!!!!!!!!!!!!
2007-03-28 10:55:35 · answer #3 · answered by Eve 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be careful you are not just saying this because you are with someone new. Your wife and you must have something in common or else you wouldn't have married her.
Either divorce her, or drop the mistress and rekindle your romance with your wife, and make the effort to make sure you rekindle what you did have in common when you married her.
You both are cheating on your spouses. Think of all the hurt and devastation this will cause. You will eventually get caught and may loose more than a wife you may/may not have neglected.
Don't stay married for the kids, but be honest with your wife and don't continue to sneak around. This may get dangerous, your mistresses's husband may have a gun and a hair trigger temper.
The skrewing around part is easy. It's the other stuff you must worry about.
2007-03-28 10:47:49 · answer #4 · answered by Tumbleweed 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
A relationship built upon a rotten foundation like this, is going to be hard to say the least. How do you know one or the other won't find somebody ELSE to replace each other should something that seems better become an opportunity down the road? It's CHEATING! You're both cheaters. Nice way to start a life together. If you guys are so unhappy in the marriages you're in, why don't you get out of them, and wait until the divorces are over. If you love each other so much, you can both wait, and do things the respectable way. This way, you'll always have doubts about each other. It'll seep into you both sooner or later, because you know how YOU TWO hooked up. Karma's a *itch, Dude.
2007-03-28 10:50:51 · answer #5 · answered by a_lot_smarter_now 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First of all, you need to make sure that what you feel for your wife is nothing more than pure friendship, and that there is no love there. Im afraid that the only way to do that, is to take time on your own, without that so called "angel" at your side. Only when you've analised what you feel for both of them, you will be able to make the right decision.
You must not, under any circumstances, rush your decision, since you might lose both, your wife and your "angel".
I agree with Estrella that your kids must never know about this other woman, since they will not be able to understand that you left because you dont feel love for your wife anymore, but you left for other woman, and they will always see her as the cause of a broken family.
Relationships are complicated, but still you must live with them.
Good luck with this one!
2007-03-29 02:35:36 · answer #6 · answered by Sesoid 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are seeing an angel........... the devil is a liar.
God will NOT send someone to break up your existing marriage. If you are having problems work them out. Stop focusing on that trick from the devil and focus on your wife. I'm sure in the beginning you has just as much fun and love for your wife. It is still there you've just exhausted the possibility. The devil is busy and cunning. Believe it or not, you reap what you sow. It might be in this life or the after life.
2007-03-28 10:56:31 · answer #7 · answered by wisdom_women 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
So let me get this straight.............you and the 'angel' are married to other people, and are having an affair?
I think the common bond you may have found is the excitement of getting caught and you are confusing that with love.
You need to tell your wife about the affair. She has a right to know, so be a man and step up to the plate.
2007-03-28 10:41:41 · answer #8 · answered by Ella 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
get a divorce fast...
does your wife suspect???
If you want to keep a clean relationship with your children you need to talk to your current wife... am sure she's not dumb enough to believe everything is OK. Most women know when their husband is messing around with someone else.
You need to ask her for a divorce ASAP. As soon as that happens you need to arrange a FAMILY MEETING and let your children know of what's happening together... DON'T EVER MENTION THE OTHER LADY IN FRONT OF YOUR CHILDREN OR WIFE. You have to let them all know that you no longer love her and staying with her can cause future family problems.
Make sure you talk with your children as often as possible. Is very important that they know that is NOT THEIR FAULT and THAT YOU STILL LOVE THEM.
Don't introduce your new girl to them anytime soon...
You must wait after the divorce...
The rest will come on its own time...
2007-03-28 10:45:01 · answer #9 · answered by Estrella 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with. Really, you need to sit down with your wife and tell her how you're feeling and what's going on. She has the right to know. If you two decide to give your marriage another try after that, go to counseling. Otherwise, you two need to go your separate ways. If not you may end up making the biggest mistake of your life. Have all the answers before you walk away.
2007-03-28 10:42:13 · answer #10 · answered by WhyNotMe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋