I still have problems with my wife about her past relationships with guys?

Question

I married my wife a year ago thinking that she was the one, but I am fiding out stuff just now about her that makes me upset. Stuff like the big amount of guy friends she had, her relationship with them, and hiding all this until now that we are married. I caught her ones cheating, but we were both still dating, we broke up, but then, we got back. I know she isn't cheating on me now, but it's just all the lies she has done. It makes me unsecure, makes me not trust her. I love her til death, but her past always comes and hunts me. I also have problems with her when we go out to places and she sees other guys, she like looks at them too much until she catches their attention. It's kind of like flurting. Her mother always talks about her exs, which I hate. My friend suggested me not to marry her at first, but I just fell in love like an idiot. I really feel unsecure about her if she ever cheats on me. I know that would be the end of it. I just hope that never happens?

Answer 1

I used to feel the same. Then I grew up. You need to also. What she did in the past is none of your business. Remember about worrying about her cheating: To look behind a door, you must have hidden behind a door.

Answer 2

Well here's the thing... you're not an idiot for falling in love. It sucks how sometimes the people that look great on paper, you can't make yourself love them, and the ones that look horrible on paper you do. First of all, everyone has a past. No matter who you are with, they will have something in their past that you do not agree with or turns you off... but thats the thing, it's their past, and without it, they might not have turned into the person they currently are... yourself included. You shouldn't have taken her back after she cheated on you, but since you did, you have to make her earn your trust back. You actually should have done that before you married her, but everyone makes mistakes. It is what it is now and you have ot deal with it. Make her earn your trust now. Tell her what bothers you about her and see if she's willing to at least meet you halfway on your matters. If not, I suggest you reevaluate what you want out of a lifetime relationship like marriage is.

Answer 3

First off you were not a virgin when you met her right? It does not matter whether one partner or many partners BEFORE you, what matters is NO partners but you after I DO! I suggest you clear the air with her. Past is past when it comes to a relationship and it brought the two of you to the point you are in your current lives. As for friends who suggest who one marries or not to marry, they should discuss it with you as to the why nots. Then you should discuss it with your partner. So now you have to decide whether or not you want to be a man and have a real conversation about things with her to settle the insecurties you have and you just might find the reason she had partners as she did was she has some insecurities in her life as well. Good Luck!

Answer 4

oh my gosh, we are experiencing the same situation. I just got married to the man I truly love but unfortunately after getting married, I've found out stuff in the past that I wish didn't happen and he hasn't been telling me about these all this time. Yes, I still get insecure and I told him that it will take time for me to recover and gain his trust back... the thing that I told him that I was dead, dead, dead, DEAD serious about was that if EVER I find him cheating with another person, I will leave him without any second thoughts and will never forgive him.... hope he has that stuck into his brain

Answer 5

Okay, so you took the plunge and married this women when you had major trust issues in your relationship. That wasn't the most well thought out idea, but you have now made the commitment. I would see a marriage counselor pronto and learn how to rebuild trust in the relationship. If both of you are serious and committed to making the marriage work, I have no doubt in the world you can put these issues behind you and he happy. But it takes a lot of time and work.

Answer 6

I think you should sit down with her and explain to her how it's bothering you about her past. It might hurt like hell to talk about her past but the sooner all the air is cleared, the better off you'll be. I came clean to my husband about all the guys from my past, and we had some seriously rocky points in our relationship where we wondered if we could still be together. BUT, if the love is there, with some work, it's not impossible. I think there is reason for you to be worried in this case however, due to the fact that she has been hiding things from you, and who knows what else is in the closet. When you sit down and talk to her, ask her to come clean with the skeletons (if there are any more). If you two are prone to fighting easily, maybe having a mediator (i.e. counselor) will help you to figure out how things will work out. I hope this helps and that things work out for you two. Best of luck.

Answer 7

Okay,
I have a similar scenario. My husband told me about his ex's, sort of. He told me some stuff....but then as our relationship progresses I learn more and more how he is a constant liar - about stupid things. It makes me insecure too. I feel like I can't trust half of the things he says. It drives me crazy, but the point is, we can't act insecure, it will push them away! I try so hard not to act jealous and so forth, and I keep telling myself that if he cheats, he will cheat, no sense in me getting ALL worried and worked up over something that hasn't happened yet or may never happen. Good luck to you.

Answer 8

There is a reason why you need to be perfectly honest before a relationship goes into marriage and that's to avoid this type of thing from happening.
Your wife is a very deceitful woman of questionalble character. She will likely cheat again. If I were you I would divorce her, no matter how much counseling you get...you will never fully trust this woman.

Answer 9

To be honest with you, I'm not trying to be negative and make you more worried. If she cheated on you once while dating how is that ok? your commited to eachother. Once a cheater always a cheater no matter what kind of relationship your in. I'm in a relationship. If my bf cheats on me thats it he's a cheater and I can't see myself with a guy liek that what the heck is he gonna do when we're married!

So from the begining she shouldn't have cheated on youa nd you took her back so quick. That means she didn't love you, If she decided to cheat while dating. Stupid.

So put it this way talk to her be a man put your foot downa nd let her know str8 up!....Dont let her be the man in the marriage Geez!

Answer 10

I don't understand why a mother-in-law would talk about the guys the wife had dated. That makes no sense to me.
Why would you marry someone who cheated when dating? If she can cheating during dating, she certainly can during the marriage. Don't you watch "Dr. Phil"? Were you this insecure prior to meeting this woman.? Are you the nerd who finally got to date the head cheerleader or what?

Answer 11

Guess you should of listen to your friends, cause now look at you. Well, now you only have two options!

a.) put the pass behind you and I mean completely behind you!

b.) get a divorce, because you aren't going be able to live with this bulls**t running through your head forever.

c.) you could try talking to her and see if she is willing to help you in anyway!

****I guess there is a third option***

This your fault though, because you knew all this before you got married! And if I'm reading this correctly some of it was before she met you!