Can a married man and a single female be just friends?

Question

I am married with 2 kids I have no friends outside of work in the city I live in. Finally after 6 years of isolation in my house i have recently talked to a single female co-worker, so after emailing each other and IMing we chatted on the phone about work, and other BS going on, well my wife thinks i am emotionally cheating on her basically because she is a female, and i wasn't spending time with her and the family. Well I work overnights and my wife works days so in the daytime i have no one to talk to over the age of 5, so i chat with my co-worker friend and thats cheating?? She is now dating a single male co-worker and we all hang out at work and a bunch of us go out bowling (5 of us total) but my wife still wants me to have no contact with her outside of bowling and work even though i tell her she has no interest in me other than just friends and how she is involved with someone else. Do i have any points here?? Or is my wife in the right. Please help i am very confused.

Answer 1

I see lots of people have already answered your question. While I haven't read their answers, I imagine that there will be many similarities. Yes, a married man can have single female friends. Do you have any guilty feelings when you chat with her, email her, IM her? Do you share all communications with your wife? Are you honest with your wife about everything that is said between the two of you? Are long as your friendship is on the up and up and you keep nothing about it from your wife AND you have no guilty feelings, you are not emotionally cheating. If you aren't then your wife should consider whether she is overly jealous. You also should consider whether your friendship is worth hurting your wife.

Answer 2

Your wife isn't being rational right now. She's insecure and worried that this woman is going to give you something that your wife can't give you - attention. And in a way, she's right. But those are the choices that you made as a couple, to work competing shifts and to have such lives as you do. I don't think you’re doing anything wrong, and I don't think that you should have to live a lonely life, because your wife is insecure. Although, I must ask - why aren't you chatting with your wife during the day, as well?

At the same time, your wife needs to know that she is the ONLY woman that you're interested in, and that if you could, you'd rather spend time with her. Perhaps you could look into changing your job and working a schedule that will allow you to see each other more often. Of course, that would mean putting the kids into day care, which isn't ideal, either.

What you both need to understand is that this - the schedule you work and the kids being at home during the day - is a temporary situation. They'll grow up, you can change your hours. But the way you deal with each other and your emotional needs is a permanent building block of your marriage. There's no reason that you should have had to feel emotionally isolated for the last 6 years. And your wife should understand that you're human and you have a human's need for interaction with other people.

Just talk to her with honesty and kindness and explain what it felt like all that time, and how it feels to have friends again. Hopefully, she can put her fear aside and enjoy the new you that will come from being happy. Maybe she'll even learn to bowl, herself.

Good luck.

Answer 3

If you truly feel that this other woman only has platonic feelings for you and you only have platonic feelings for her, than yes you can just be friends. But if your wife is uncomfortable with it, you need to really think about why you need to ask a bunch of strangers their opinion to still be friends with the other woman. Are you unwilling to step back from this budding friendship on principal, or is there something else there. I cannot believe that you can't make friends with another guy. Does your friend ever hang out with you wife? If you really have to be stay friends with her, she's going to have to get to know your wife too, and then maybe your wife will better be able to gage if she can trust this other woman. You both have a point, in theory you should be able to have a female friend, but I think your wife has the stronger point in that, if she did nothing about it and you hooked up with this friend, she would feel like a fool because it would have happened figuratively, right under her nose.

Answer 4

I can understand how your wife feels. When my husband and I were dating he worked nights and I days that is a hard life. On weekends he would fall asleep and be up 3 am I know it's hard to have a social life with those hours. You should bring your wife to bowling and let her see your co worker and her guy. Show your wife you have nothing to hide and are not doing anything wrong. In most cases I would agree with her but I can understand as I lived your life. Also try and get some guys to hang with. This woman should not be your only friend.

Answer 5

Put yourself in your wife's shoes. She has a male single co-worker, talks to them on the phone, does things with them, there is nothing going on she says. What do you think? Having a single friend of the opposite sex or even a married friend of the opposite sex is a recipe for disaster. People are human, of course, and the green eyed monster known as jealousy normally rears it's head at some point. Also, it is easy to slip from being friends to being lovers in these situations. If you love your wife, your children, and your marriage, find a married or single male friend to hang out with. P.S. Does your wife go bowling with you? What does she get to do for fun besides housework, cooking and looking after the kids?

Answer 6

I would think that maybe inviting your co-worker and her boyfriend out to dinner, paying dutch so as not to offend your wife, or any other activity for that matter, always being the 4 of you or more if you can, would be ideal. Ask your co-worker that if they are invited somewhere and her boyfriend cancels she do the same. Maybe you could set up a lunch date between your wife and co-worker with out you being there to show your wife that you want the two of them to be friends also, and that your not cheating on her in anyway by including her on everything.

Jealousy is a horrible thing, but it is also a matter of life for the general population. I am not a jealous person, but my boyfriend is. He honestly knows I'm not going to cheat on him. He just needs reassurance that he is my only one in a relationship type manner. He has been burned in the past and for us to be together, I have to pay for it until he knows better.

Answer 7

This is exactly how most affairs start, they all start out innocent enough at first, women know this, for some reason men do not know this. Your wife is within her rights unless you are smart enough to get your wife & friends new boyfriend involved & have a couples friendship. Just involve your wife with your work friends and she may see things more the way you do, but then again she might not.

Answer 8

OK, what if your wife had a nice looking single male friend that she worked with, small talked on the phone with, e-mailed, IM'ed, and did some hobby or sport with. Casual lunches, how would you feel ? The bottom line is that a married person does not need to have "friends" of the opposite sex. Makes temptation too easy. I am a guy, but your wife is right. She feels threatened.

Answer 9

Easy, set up a double date involving her date and your wife. All four or more go do something together. IF she refusses, then just let her know that you want her to go and besides if she went maybe she wouldnt feel the way she feels about her. Do more stuff together. and if that dont work then just sit her down and have a grown up conversation. Tell her that you love her but she is just a friend and you would love it if she trusted you, because you married her not someone else. Take care and hope it helps

Answer 10

My husband and I have read your question and he says, introduce your wife to your female friend and include your wife in your bowling outing, get your wife involved if not then there will be a problem.
I say, you have an obligation to you wife. If she feels uncomfortable with the situation then talk about it and if she still feels the same then end it. However, I say that married men can be friends with single female as long as it doesn't interfer with their marriage.
P.S. The devil is very busy and cunning so please beware.
God Bless You and your family.