after being abused for almost your entire life, how do you get over the trauma?

Question

my mom abused me for my entire childhood. i always had bullies wherever i went because i was weak and couldn't defend myself. now that i'm older, i've put this mask on and never show who i really am because a part of me is afraid if i let my guard down, it will happen all over again. i never had any close relationships because i can't open up to people. i never got any chance to develop any self esteem or confidense. i'm so scared i will become like my dad (he was a victim too). he's weak and he never had any friends because he always felt inferior to everyone. he is withdrawn from even his family, we don't even know who he really is. it's as if we were just co-existing. i don't want to live like him for the rest of my life, although i feel i'm following his footsteps. how do you become normal and happy, like everyone else? how do you open up to people?

Answer 1

Take the time to find your inner self..I'm sure it's more in there than just an abused person. While you're doing that you should gain self-esteem. Look at your successes and reflect on that. Most importantly, talk to GOD and ask him to forgive your mother and make a promise to yourself that you will forgive her even though u dont want to. Talk to someone anonymous if you need in order to open up. My mom didn't physically abuse me (**** punched me one time) but she didn't treat me the same as my brothers and went on most of my adult life letting that be the reason i did some of the things i did in life, but i had eventually talked to someone and she prayed for me and i prayed for me and i talked to god..sometimes, i still get angry but I'm better off not dwelling on that..i know it will seem hard, but you'll feel better once you let it out..i've been abused by my ex..but i just pray and look at the positive things that goes on in my life, but I had to stop doing the things that i was doing to rebel. I will pray for you..

Answer 2

Look at it this way. Your mom still has control over yourlife by not moving on. She instilled fear into you thru abuse and since youre afraid to break away the fear still exists. You have a choice to continue living life in her fear or break the mold and start enjoying life and show your mom that youre tired of her crap and are not going to take it anymore. It wont be easy but if you take it one step at a time youll be on your way to a better you. Just set small goals for yourself to gain self confidence like meeting one new friend a week and then when you feel confident make it two and so forth. If you experience a setback just keep right on going. Dont continue letting your mother control you, life istoo short and precious not to experience it to its fullest, youre only here once. There is no reason why you cant change here now that you recognize whats controlling you. You can do it, one baby step ata time. Good luck and please let me know from time to time on how youre doing. See you made one new friend this week and you didnt even see it coming.

Answer 3

Hi hun...I too was the victim of abuse for most of my life.....It took me awhile to see what I was becoming...The person I was so mad at...I was becoming....I sat back and looked at my daughter, she is so perfect and beautiful. I have to do somthing to break this cycle. We were not asked to be brought into this world hun...and I will so pray for the pain that is in your heart and how scared and alone you feel at times..and the wondering what you ever did,,,,hun you did nothing...you are God child and it is man that has broken you....Turn to God and let him help, I know it is hard I have been working on it most of my life...You need to stand up tall and show the person that broke you cannot hurt you any more....You can let your past make you or break you...Dont let it break you.....You are a grown beautiful women and your heart needs to feellove again...Not from some one but from yourself....it will be along time before you trust some one I still go threw that....But you are worthy to be loved and to love in return.. You were a child when this took place and I know it is so hard to know why...But yesterday is gone as is the day before that....so lift your head high and say out loud....YOU CANT HURT ME ANYMORE....speak out....and then take a good look at what is around you...and see it is safe..look at all the things that you have done in your life..and the people you have let in...and start realy feeling that, I know it will be hard but know its real...be proud that YOU did this.....You are a great person and. and It is funny that I got on here because I have not been on here in awhile...and I was in the middle of a movie when all the sudden I rolled over and found myself here writting this to you...So I belive maybe I can help you in some small way.....It will be hard for you to let any one in...take it a day at a time hun....Know that you cannot be hurt like that any more....know that if you start making you better then you can slowly work on your father...It is sad that there are people out there that can hurt and break a heart down to where there is no love left...But there is they are all over the world...its sad that your father feels so down and scared and that his heart has to lern how to beat again.....
You are not alone hun....I will be here for you as a friend and help you continue on this journey to be free from pain and heartach......Try putting a chair in front of you and pretend she is sitting there and as mad as you can get bring it all up like its in your throat mad...and let it all out, I know it sound so weired my friend but it works...put a doll there if you need to....BUT LET it OUT.and I mean say every thing that is in your heart and all the things you hvae wanted to say in all the years she abbused you...cry, laugh, its ok......Just get it out of your heart....make room for love...It is so full of cunfustion, anger, fear, everything that has happened to you in your life......I pray for you hun...LORD PLEASE HELP THIS PERSON..CLEAR HER OF PAIN AND UNHAPPYNESS. GIVE HER PEACE OF MIND THAT SHE IS WORTH SO MUCH AND CAN MAKE SO MANY NICE PEOPLE OUT THERE....TAKE HER HAND LORD AND GUIDE HER INTO HAPPYNESS. OPEN HER EYES THAT THE BEAUTIFUL PERSON SHE SEES WHEN SHE LOOKS IN THE MIRRIOR IS WORTHY TO BE LOVED AND TAKEN CARE OF AND NEED TO FEEL AGAIN....THANK YOU LORD......

I so hope this helped......if you need me again just let me know I wil be here for you.......E-mail me at [e-mail]...I look forward to hearing from you again.....my thought and prayers are with you....God Bless....

Answer 4

i will really kill the person who did that to me or make there life not good