Problem with my litttle Brother - Stealing. Help!?

Question

Mentor a boy, 15 (Big Brother Big Sisters) and we have been matched for 2 years. The last couple of months have been very trying,lots of attitude and litttle real conversations. Recently he took a computer game home with him without asking (he hid it in his sweatshirt), which is stealing. This is the second time he has done this, the first time we talked about it and i just chalked it up to him making a simple mistake. So once i realized the game was gone, I went to his house and confronted him and he admitted it. We had a talk and he was not respectful and was unapologetic and also did not say sorry or apologize in any way. I am really upset about this. I've been with him 2 years and it seems he has little respect for me (or anything). I think there is something bigger going on and I asked him and tried to get him to open up, but he said "wasn't any of my business". Obviously, that really hurt to hear. What should I do?

I don't know if I should start to close our match or not. He doesn't seem to value our friendship much and most of the time I feel like I'm spinning my wheels. I really don't want to give up on him . Trust me...its the last thing I want to do. It has been a very hard road so far and most of the time it seems like he doesn't care. After 2yrs you would think he would be a litttle more open (he never calls or makes contact unless I initiate it)…..any suggestions on moving forward. Should I wait for him to make contact etc….In many ways I feel that he needs to step up and show this friendship means something to him and he should call or at least apologize. Am I expecting too much? Suggestions????

Answer 1

I say stick with him. You may need to tone down your relationship a bit, but make sure he knows your door is always open. He may be going through some problems - really big, or big to him anyway. While he might not want to talk about it now, he might later. It sounds like he will eventually needs someone, and if there's no one, that would be bad news for him.

He is a teenager, and moodiness goes with the territory. He may take quite a while to come out of this mood - years. I think it would be best for you to stick with him through it.

When you are together, go to public places, so he can't take your stuff. If you can't, then lock it up, or search him before he leaves, whatever it takes. He needs to know you are on to him, don't trust him, and will enforce proper behavior when you are together.

I wish you both good luck.

Answer 2

Actually, it's the second time you've caught him. This may have been going on for some time. When you confront someone with being caught, they don't like it and want to get away.

Possibly, he's ashamed of his actions and doesn't want to be reminded by being near you. Or, he's more embarassed at being caught and doesn't want you to be able to show him up.

Kids often don't do the right thing. You can't fully play the role of a parent and whip the kid. But, it sound like that's what he needs, a good spanking.

Commendations to you for attempting to give this kid good examples and the right path to growing up. But, I'm thinking he's only going ot recognize your hard-fought efforts ten to fifteen years from now or when he's in prison and it's too late.

You do what you can. He has to meet you halfway. If he doesn't, he doesn't have much respect for you. If he doesn't have any respect or care for you as a surrogate brother, your bond is one-sided and he is playing everyone he can for whatever he can get out of them. I'm truly sorry if what I've written is hurtful to you, but, I've seen this before.

You sound like a very good person who's tried to help someone younger than you grow up to be a good person. You can only do so much. There will be a point, and I hope you never see it, that you will have to cut off all help because it will be too great a burden for you to support. And when I say support, I mean that in many ways.

Answer 3

First off Big Brothers and Sisters has advisers in place to give input on problems with matches. I would talk to them as most are trained social workers and can help. Another thing it may go deeper then you can help with. Any number of things can be going on that is turning this young man into a beast of a person. . I suspect his peers and friends could be getting into his thoughts, his relationship with his mother might be at a bigger problem. Have you talked to the mother about this as this might be good in seeking to find out if he has been like this for some time or just recent. Don't give up on him as 15 is a time a boy really needs guidance and structure. If I gave up on people in my church I would not be much of a minister. Lord knows there are a few I would like to send to another church. LOL but you have to give it to God and let him lead your path. Trust me he will.

Answer 4

You aren't expecting too much. You need to talk to the person in charge of Big Brothers/Big Sisters. They might suggest calling the police. He needs to be stopped, now.

Answer 5

Hes probably trying not to be your little brother nomore. I would do the same if i was stuck in a stupid program like that.

Answer 6

BEN THAT IS SO COOL YOU ARE A BIG BROTHER I HAVE BEEN ONE FOR 10YRS IN JUNE HE IS NOW 17YRS OLD NO REGRETS WHAT SO EVER, WHY DON'T THE TWO OF YOU GET TOGETHER AND TRY TALKING WITH YOUR CASE WORKER THAT IS WHAT SHE IS THERE FOR AND TRY TO SEE WHAT IS GOING ON.GOOD LUCK !!!!!!!!!

Answer 7

well don't exactly threated him but tell him what could happen if the police found out what he was doin. tell him he could go to jail. i think he needs to be sent somewhere to get his manners straightened up, sorry. :)