is it rape?

Question

if your fooling around in a way that the mans stuff is close to the womans stuff but she said before hand that she didnt want to lose her virginity but then he put his stuff in her stuff. is it rape or lust?

by the way its ina book i didnt get raped! :)

okay ill quote the scene

excitement rushed through her body as he brushed himself over her sex, he lowered himself , his deep blue eyes peircing her soul. Locked in a passionate kiss, Luisa whispered , i cant im betrothed , he says i love you , covers her with his love and takes her sex as she begs him give her leave struggles to get away but is overcome by his :lust"
its a romance novel
the scene end with her crying and him apologizing but they eventually ride off intot the sunset

i paraphrazed a bit, it was seven pages long

i guess my question is if it were real would it be

this book made me so confused im like the dumb bonde in this story needs to get a clue like, dont marry this guy , am i right. i want to write to the author and ask why she tinks this is romantic

i keep reading her fiance finds out and he beats her!! ahh this book is awful

i think alot of people are very confused about female sexuality nd the difference between boys and girls! Womens lib has really ruined it for us girls by the way


plus i read that 1 in three women in the us has been raped. WOW

that means at least three of you have been raped if not more.
i also suspect that one or two of the guys on here have been involved in a situation like this two ....... ewwwwwww .. men are so gross
yes im trashin the trashy novels they are bubble gun for the brain

Answer 1

That is rape. A person can have outercourse or dry hump for months or years with someone before they decide to have sex. Maybe they want to stay a virgin, maybe they aren't comfortable enough yet, maybe they fear pregnancy, or honestly don't want to have intercourse for any reason they want. If someone tells someone they can mess around but they don't want penetration that needs to be honored. If someone thinks the person may have changed their mind they need to outright ask. The person very well may have changed their mind but needs to address STD and birth control issues before going any further.
A person has a right to say they don't want to have sex but want to fool around. if the other person wants full sex they have the right to say no to starting to fool around knowing sex won't happen.
Think of it from the male perspective. If a guy allows someone to touch around their back door but says do not put a finger in and after touching for a while the person does it the guy would freak out and be angry!!! I don't see why a lot of people can't make this connection.
Then again this is a story and sometimes people have rape fantasies and that is okay. It doesn't mean they want to get raped- it has to do with two things 1)wanting to have someone take control of things for you and 2)wanting to feel so attractive someone just can't stop. In real life being raped would be traumatic but if someone has a fantasy or sexual dream about rape they shouldn't be ashamed it is okay to feel that way.
Also this "men can't control themselves" thing I've been reading on this one is total bull!! Women become just as aroused as men unless it has been beat out of them by society or family. A man can control himself and if he is telling you anything different he is trying to get away with something.

Answer 2

Technically it is rape. Lust is a feeling, not an act (although it can be used as a verb). Romance novels like to use words that are soft and not describing what really happened.

But rape, by legal definition is when a person cannot or does not consent to any sexual encounter. Reasons a person cannot consent: age, under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol, mentally ill. A person may consent to everything but sex, but the minute sex happens, it is rape. Now, not reading this book and going of your paraphrasing, it probably wouldn't hold much weight if it ever saw the inside of a court room.

A couple of things to say to people who said she wasn't forced: No means no, no matter how it is said. Second, rape is serious. I've seen the effects first hand. Force can be implied, it isn't the stranger off the street. It is usually a close friend or relative. Most times alcohol is involved. Please do not joke about this.

**stepping off my soapbox now**

Answer 3

Technically, if its a romance novel its pornography, not rape.

Pornography is fundamentally fantasy, and rape fantasies exist in both genders. If they didn't, women wouldn't write them or read them in romance novels.

Most romance novels are constructed to portray the man overpowering the woman, because that's how they're written. The man is the archetypal bad boy/player who falls in love, and the woman is the archetypal virgin/independant woman who is initiated into the world of passion by the previously mentioned man.

Read some more of them, its a formula.

If this was real life, then you could argue for a rape accusation, yes. But its not. And unless you want to get into a discussion on porn and feminism, I'd just chalk it up to a poorly constructed sex scene in badly written brain candy.

Answer 4

It's bad writing, for one thing.
A lot of these "romance" or "fantasy" novels feature scenes like this one. Try reading better quality fiction, I'd say!

If she said beforehand she didn't want to lose her virginity, she should have pulled away before they became so physically involved and the guy became so highly aroused. A little common sense is needed here! Women need to be aware that men become "hot" easily under these conditions. Women need to have a little mercy on the poor guys and not let things progress that far.

Answer 5

What is missing here is one of them didn't pull away before things got out of hand, so as soon as the girl said no she should have pulled away, jumped up quick and made some excuse about getting dyeing her Auntie Myrtle's hair. So I cannot call it rape. True things got out of hand, but it is not rape. .
There is a very logical reason as to why it should have been the girl who pulled away, men depend upon sex as an emotional outlet. When they desire a woman the first thing they want to do is to have sex with her. They put a lot of stalk in it. It's just a part of their make-up. Women are more proned to be more emtional.

Answer 6

If you are worried about penetration, don't let the man's stuff get near your stuff. You must back your words up with action. You said no but didn't take what action was available to you to prevent it. It doesn't mean it is your fault but he can say that he thought you had changed your mind and from your description, it sounds like your actions pointed in that direction.

We should judge actions by intention and he might not have intended it to be against your will.

Oh right, now that I read the 'scene', it is rape, quite plainly.

Answer 7

What happend and was said beforehand does not count. The 2 were fooling around, if she said stop instantly after what he did and he did not it is rape. If she got along with it it isnt. You cant cry rape based on something you said weeks days or even hours ago.

Answer 8

Throw away the Barbra Cartland/Danielle Steele books, please!
Those books are written by formulaic "authors" in business to make money and create confusion around the whole Rape/Not Rape scenarios. These books are for frustrated Cinderellas, and you cannot take them seriously. Really, they are 12 year olds' fantasy material.
Good luck

Answer 9

If the only time she said no was the no "she said before hand" then no I don't think it is rape (unless there is more to the story).

Answer 10

I think the biggest question is whether at any point after she said "no", she turned around and said "yes".

Then, after that, it depends on whether she wants to make an issue of it...

...and then whether she can prove it decisively to those who can do something about it...

...if she lacks the ability to take care of it herself.