We have 3 little children and a mortgaged house in both names. His drinking and controlling, jealous behaviour has pushed me to this point. But he says he wont move out. He doesn't want to lose his rights to the house. I don't want to sell the house but can't avoid to buy him out. I can't live with him any more but I've got no where to go - no family or friends I could stay with. He's made my life hell for months even years and I don't love him any more. I want whats best for my 3 children and it's certainly not living with an alcoholic and moody father. Help I'm desparate.
2007-03-28 09:48:23 · 25 answers · asked by dianita 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You can get him out. Have a free half hour session with a solicitor for advice.
2007-03-28 09:51:53 · answer #1 · answered by ? 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Being a child of an alcoholic father I know where you and your kids are coming from- and til this day I wish that my mother had the guts to leave when we were little. I am almost 31 yrs old and my parents got divorced when I was 29 and my sister was 22. First and foremost, find a good reputable lawyer in your area (ask for referalls) and see if you can get a free consultation (or at lower price) to find out what you can do, how to go about it etc. Also, contact your local human service dept to see if they offer any help, especially since you have children. I believe if you file for restraining order (based on the fact that he is drinking and gets abusive) you may be able to get him out of the house. Since you got the kids, you will probably get to keep the house, if you need to buy him out you may sell your current place, divide the profits and look for something else. Good luck to you!
2007-03-28 09:58:33 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear of your struggles, it sounds like neither one wants to give up the house, and it is understandable as it is the family home. I think you need to talk to lawyer about a divorce and what would happen to the house, as you may have to sell it and split it, and then you will have money to buy a new house, or at least move into a new place. Best of luck, an alcoholic, moody husband does not sound like a good thing for the children. Good luck. Follow your heart on this one.
2007-03-28 09:58:14 · answer #3 · answered by Maria A. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the house is in both your names you cant legally get him out but if the children are under the age of 18 the courts can put a charge on the house which would mean that you could live in it till the youngest was 18 but then you would have to sell it.
Or you could buy him out or they could try and get him to maintain the house whilst putting a charge on it.
You need to see a solicitor.
But if the house was sold it would pay off all your bills and you may have enough money to put a deposit on a property for you and the children. Also if there are liable to be arguements about the children you will need legal advice about that too.
Oh and by the way you may not legally be able to get him out but there is nothing that says you cant "loose your keys whilst out shopping" and goodness me you would need to get the locks changed but that does also cost money!!
Good luck in the end it does get better at the moment you will feel like "hell" please try and think positively for you and the children.
If he is violent to you go and see the Domestic Violence Unit at your local police station they can give you good advice. Also these days children are considered at risk if they are liable to witness or hear violence in the family home. There are people out there for you to talk to go and find them and be happy.
2007-03-28 11:24:15 · answer #4 · answered by BigMomma2 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, hon, I feel for you. You need to talk to a crisis center counselor or even a womens resource member. There are LOTS of homes out ther for displaced housewives & their children & even if that means you have to live in a communal home w/ other women & thier children for a while, it is STILL better than staying there where you & your children are being neglected & verbally abused. There is LOTS of help out there, but you need to do a bit of looking to find it. If no family or friends are around to help, I'm afraid that's your only option. Shelters will take you in too; I would call for a police escort out of the house though, for your own safety & the safety of your kids, so that way should he try to pull anything, you'll be secure. Do what you have to do, sister. It may be rough, but you can get on your own two feet & be an independent & strong single mom in no time! Best of luck! You're in my prayers!
2007-03-28 09:57:29 · answer #5 · answered by Spiral_Dancer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it's really bad, phone your nearest Women's Aid Centre.
They can put you & the children in a refuge & help you to sort out the difficulties... with your aggressive? hubby & housing.
If it's not as bad as that, phone them anyway for advice.
You need to discuss this with him when he is sober & in a good mood! Tell him you have decided he has to leave.
Have a friend with you. Have his bags packed. Have in mind somewhere he can go. Tell him you will go to the bank & arrange an interest-free loan so you can carry on with the mortgage. If he had behaved 1/2 decently... you would not now be forced to take this drastic action.
If he gets violent, call the police- who will remove him, then change the locks.
When he has gone, if you have no job, & are in the UK, if you haven't got a job, claim social security as that will (unofficially)help you when you apply for the mortgage. (When doing that, speak to an advisor in confidence & consider going to a specialist high-street mortgage shop for the best deal).
Good luck.
2007-03-28 09:59:21 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
File a restraining order against him (if he's being abusive)and have the sheriff department ment escort him OUT. That will buy you some time to find a lawyer, work on yoru finances and see what you can do.
Next, go to family services and request child support while separated. get a lawyer and work on yoru divocrce.
With child support for three children, government assiatnce and getting a job you can stand on your own feet. Do it for the children as well for yourself. Would you like for your children to continue living in such unhealthy enviroment? Think about it.
Be strong, yesm you can do it too. Many women had done it.
Good luck
2007-03-28 09:55:26 · answer #7 · answered by Blunt 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OOOOHHH is everyone in a bad mood or what.
Look, go see a solicitor you can Divorce him for unreasonable behaviour or irreconcilable differences.
Kick him out and phone the police if he refuses to go.Wait till he's DRUNK when you do this and find somewhere safe to leave the kids before you do.
Victim support are there to help,you can find them on the net.
SINCE HES BEEN AN *** for so long it will take a lot of hassle to get rid but it will be worth it.
The house will be yours and benefits ain't so bad until you can get out to work.
Seek the real advise you need from www.
Job Centre plus can help you with New Deal for loan parents.
you can also get Legal Aid if you are receiving benefits,so get out and get it sorted, this is your kids future we are talking about.
Good Luck and stay strong
XXX
2007-03-28 20:03:32 · answer #8 · answered by live life 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He knows or at least thinks he has you trapped. You can go to the Citizens Advice bureau and they will tell you your rights. There is no charge. Look in the yellow pages and find the nearest Womens Refuge, you can go there with the children until you work out your next move. A family solicitor will tell you if you can get your husband to move out so you and the children can move back in.
Be strong and move on. You and the children deserve a better life than you have now.
2007-03-28 09:55:37 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
By sticking around with him you are risking your health and by fighting with him you are giving the wrong example to your three kids. It's very difficult to go on living they way you have been for the past few months, but you have to sit down and make a stern decision. Please try to talk to him about it, hire an attorney or seek mediation, which is very affordable. You life will be so much better once he is out of your life, you will be able to see that there are men out there that will take care of your financially and emotionally. If his alcohol problems are serious, you are sure to get the kids and financial support from him. Get out of this relationship, do what will be best for your children and for you. You don't need to waste your time and health on someone who is not giving you 100%.
2007-03-28 09:57:29 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
phone a lawyer some give you a free session ask what your rights are, you have more than you think. Staying with a man like that is not going to be whats best for your children you have to be strong for them, take it from someone who's mother stayed with her controlling father it did us no favours do what you know is right. Good luck.
2007-03-28 09:56:09 · answer #11 · answered by madmynx 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋