How can I become more secure?

Question

I worry. I get anxious. Usually about my wife and my relationship with her. Sometimes I cling to her and can be smothering. Other times I find myself trying to manipulate her by being"cool" and trying to do reverse psychology. I really really love her and just want to be secure in her love for me.

Answer 1

You have already answered your question! You want to be secure in the knowledge that she loves you completely. We all want that. I am lucky to have that, however, your validation for some reason coming from her is the most important in your life. Is there some seeds of rejection that have been allowed to grow(perhaps from childhood). If so, you are not going to feel secure in any relationship until these issues have been resolved. You sound like a great candidate for some cognitive therapy. There is nothing that can't be healed and there is nothing that can't get better. Including all of our lives. I love God, and am secure in his love first and foremost, the bonus that I get from my husbands love, is like fluffy white frosting on a chocolate cake. The frosting is good, the cake is good also, but together, God and my husband.... mmmmmmm it's wonderful! Good luck, work through those rejection issues and you will be just fine!

Answer 2

Love is the strongest emotion, then i would say Fear of loss is another, to be more secure in love with your wife takes time, a friend of mine once told me that its lust when you are young, and if that person is still around when you are old, then it was love. Just be open about how you feel, tell her you love her and kiss her goodnight every night, never go to bed mad, be the first to admit you were wrong when you are, and in time you will know that she loves you too, but even as time goes by, you never really know, I thought my wife loved me, I was secure with that, Until I found out she didnt, and that is the worst of all. Just be yourself, love her with all your heart and never lie to her. Time will tell.