My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 years and we have 2 kids together. He does not treat me with the respect that I deserve. He is not the epitomy of a family man that I need for me and my kids yet i am still with him because i want our relationship to work. He drinks heavily and he uses cocaine. Besides this, he likes to run around in the street. I am more settled and want a man who is more settled too. He tells me that he loves me and will change but he never does. I think I am wasting my life and my time wishing for something to happen that never will. Basically, he just needs to be a man and grow up because he is in the process of losing a good thing--ME.
2007-03-28 09:13:25 · 14 answers · asked by teetee 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Wishing for a thing does not make it so. You have even gone so far as to behave as though your wish, to be married to a responsible family man, has come true, by getting pregnant by this loser. Twice. It was very irresponsible of you, a disservice to your children, to give birth to them by a man who is not good father material. I hope that you will learn from this mistake. Fall in love with a responsible, mature, reliable, marriageable man, get married, and then, if you want, have children -- in that order.
2007-03-28 09:22:02 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Damn girl I thought I had it bad. He's a drug user get rid of him...he sounds like my ex except for the drugs. I wasted 7 years of my life w/my son's father & I finally left & u know what I don't regret shyt! I'm glad I left him b/c unlike him I have good friends & family for support. When I was w/him he caused me to lose my apt, my car, & self respect. I have been w/o him for about 3 years now & I am doing much better...I now have an even better car, a better job & I'm raising my son w/o him. I look at it like this...u can do bad by ur damn self! What u need him for?? If he's running the streets all the time & ur letting him...he won't stop, it's been 7 yrs & he hasn't changed & girlfriend HE WON'T! I'm sure he's not doing family things w/u & ur kids...therefore u need a man who's willing to be w/u & love u the way u need to be loved.
U say u have 2 kids & I know ur prolly thinking that if u left him the kids prolly wont' see him as often, or u don't want anyone else to have his sorry azz, or u scared of being alone, & u don't wanna go thru all the bullsh*t. But honey it's better than being miserable. He will realize what he messed up & maybe just maybe he'll get his sh*t together & one day become the man u need & ur kids need. I doubt it tho my son's father didn't have it together & still doesn't he's 27 & still lives w/grandma & running the streets but the good thing is that we're 4hours away from eachother. So girlfriend just pray & ask God to help u out in ur situation...Goodluck & keep ur head up!! Hope this helps ;-)
2007-03-28 16:33:12 · answer #2 · answered by Lovely Cappy Girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. What a wonderful roll model for your children... no wonder those of us in public education have such an up-hill battle... You have already answered your own question.... "basically he just needs to be(come) a man and grow up." Why doesn't he show it at times??? Why does he have to? Your still there..... And as long as you put up with it, he has no reason to change. And unless he gets the "fish or cut bait" line from you, why should he? From what you have said here, basically, he's a very selfish guy, and very immature... And he doesn't see a problem, because no one has made him consider the consequences of loosing his family.... if he even cares.......You know that already...
Hon, your relationship needs some help --- read counseling....But he won't go, 'cuz he sees no problem......Wonderful..
You really don't have a relationship --- if we define a good one as respect, admiration, passion and trust. The first two from what you have said, are in the toilet, both ways: No way do you respect, nor admire him, nor he to you. That is a 50% score---- maybe. (read an "F" in school) But if you are financially better off with him than without him, you are in a trap --- stay, and be supported and put up with this selfish crap , or bail, and swim on your own. Or go back to school, to qualify for a good job to get yourself out of this mess, then bail.....
As my daddy once said, "A divorce is a nice thing if you can afford it...." Can you?
And from my mom:
1. The most important decision you will ever make is who you marry. Choose wisely (the point is moot at this juncture..but common-law after 8 in most states.)
2. Make me a mother in law before you make me a grandmother.
3. Have no children until your marriage is solid, --kids can destroy anything.....and never have any more than you yourself can ever support in a fashion in which you like.
4. Finish your education, and qualify for a good job. A marriage license is not a life-long meal ticket. Likely during your marriage, you will have to work --- probably for decades. Get paid for it
5. Have a stash of cash no one knows about, even if you think you will never need it.... you will, and the more the better.
Thank you mom for this conversation we had.... I will always love you for it...
2007-03-28 16:57:37 · answer #3 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh honey, I don't think he will ever change. It sounds like you are wasting your life (and your kids) by wishing for something that will never happen. I would move on, and get away from him. Start a new life and be determined that you will find a man that treats you with the respect and dignity you and your children deserve. I know, easier said than done, but it CAN be done, I promise, I've been there.
2007-03-28 16:18:20 · answer #4 · answered by bina64davis 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Less talk and more action. From both of you. Tell him, you have one month to get off the booze and cocaine, or your out.
Your kids will turn out just like him if they grow up around a drunk father who abuses drugs, and mistreats their woman. That is exacally what they will do, or if you have girls they will think its acceptable for the man to treat them like that since you put up with it. It will be an endless chain of misery.
Tell him to grow up, give him no choice.
I dont really understand your question other then the fact that you want to complain about him and say what he needs to do because hes losing you. Which i understand why your complaining about him but tell HIM that. Not us, action action action. And now.
One month. Tops. Then your out if there hasnt been a significant change, and tell him if it ever gets that way again you will be gone before he gets off his high.
2007-03-28 16:20:06 · answer #5 · answered by Zenthae 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is an addict, he will not change without some serious help. For your safety and your children's safety, you need to leave him. Do you want to take the chance of loosing your children because of him? Who is more important your boyfriend or your kids? Sorry but if he respected you at all, you would be calling him husband after 7 years and 2 kids.
2007-03-28 16:18:59 · answer #6 · answered by EllD75 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What would you do if your one of kids dies from finding his coke? That's the jeopardy you put your kids in every time he's around them.
What if he owes someone money and they come by to collect and he's not home
What if he pisses someone off and they do a drive by while your kids are home?
Still love him the same? those are the dangers he puts your kids in 24 hours a day. and doesn't care.
What happens when the police knock down your door sending you to jail and the kids to foster care. And you'll play hell getting them back because you kept them in that environment
And your still with him why?
Not to mention the **** he sticks up his nose takes the food and clothes off your babies backs
He tells you what you want to hear to keep you hanging on,
How will you explain to your kids you got aids from daddy and are going to die leaving them with WHO? that loser
And your still with him why?
Boot his *** to the curb. period He doesn't care about you or those babies he's using you, your money, home, your kids
Do what you want, but you'd better do something quick every hour is another chance for something bad to happen. There's help out there if you want it.
Hope this helps
2007-03-28 16:29:12 · answer #7 · answered by walker9842 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, Have you heard the saying, "Why buy the cow if the milk is free?" Honey he is taking the milk and running hog wild. he does not respect you. If he did he would cut out the drugs and drinking and be a man. You need to get away from him for your kids and you. They need to be in a stable enviroment. You are doing them a great injustice. They see it they will do it. It's ok for daddy it's ok for me. GET OUT NOW. Get some help.
2007-03-28 16:45:46 · answer #8 · answered by Alisha C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not dealing with the person, you are dealing with sickness as he is addicted and sick. I would let go of the notion to want to change him, because you can't unless he makes a different choice for his life. Very sorry, it must be really difficult for you. Why do you want this relationship to work? What kind of a father can a drug-addict be?!? Come on!
2007-03-28 16:20:35 · answer #9 · answered by Alyssa Macey 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
respect and love go hand in hand and u and your kids deserve better u know all this so all u have to do now is believe u r strong enough to live without him u prob already take all the responsibility for your kids and home so go for it hope u find somebody who treats u as u deserve good luck
2007-03-28 16:46:58 · answer #10 · answered by sarah71397 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋