How do I let go of a married man?

Question

It's easy to just say it... but I can't get him out of my mind... I am obsessed with him. He's the first thing I think of when I wake and before I go to bed. Funny thing is, we have not had sex. We've go to lunch every week or so and have been out to dinner a few times. We've never really talked about "us" as a couple since we know it's not right. I know there are feelings between us. We get our points across "indirectly" an I see he gets jealous if I talk to another man that sort of thing. We can't seem to move on or let go. I want to stop our friendship because it hurts to just be his friend. I've tried a few times but we always end up connecting again. How do I GET OVER THIS MAN WHO CONTROLS MY EVERY THOUGHT? I know it's not fair to the wife, I think about his child........yada yada. Question is does anyone have any suggestions on what I need to do or how I can move on??????????

Answer 1

This is a test in life for both you and him. You can pass the test by telling him that you have feelings for him that you can't act on so you have to let him go. This brings the unspoken out in the open so you can acknowledge it, talk about it, and ultimately agree to not act on your feelings. Tell him that you recognize that faithfulness to his wife is so important that you will not help him violate the vow he took when he got married. Say good-bye to him and mean it.

When you pass this test, ask for someone to come into your life that you can share love with. Ask for this person to be truly available.

Everyone who comes into our life brings us a test or a lesson. When we pass the test or learn the lesson, we can move on to the next person. Love yourself enough to pass this test and find out that you have the strength to do the right thing. Be proud of yourself for doing the right thing. When you mentally close the door on this man, you will stop obsessing over having him. It is the possibility that you might choose to have him sexually that keeps you thinking about him. What you have right now is mutual lust, not love.

Answer 2

I don't know how old you are but time has a way of slipping away. It is very emotionally and mentally unhealthy to be in this so-called "relationship". What it boils down to is issue an ultimatum for him to be with you if that is his thought also (have you asked him what he wants?). If not, then you need to move on especially as a favor to his wife and child (a child for God's sake). If this man is an obsession to you, it is easy to see that you don't have much of a "life"; get one. It may hurt for a little while but be strong and accept that there are other men out there. Start your search for one and be strong in letting this one go because the longer it goes, the longer the hurt will last WHEN it does end. Good luck to you sweety.

Answer 3

Im sorry your going through this. It must be so hard, but I respect you deeply for not taking your relationship to the next level since hes married (if you havent kissed yet and are just friends like you say):

All you can do is tell him, how you feel about him, but that you cant presue this relationship anymore, he should try to make it work with his wife. And that you cannot be the other woman.

Then you need to go out, and start dating other people. It will suck but atleast it will keep your mind off him, and who knows maybe you will find someone really great, and forget about him.

But you cant presue another relationship with him while hes married, and you certaintly shouldnt want to, if he takes it to the next level he could easily turn around and do the same to you. You will be saving yourself alot of hurt feelings by going this way. (and I dont think he sounds like a bad man if all you guys are, is friends^)

Answer 4

Is there anyway you can just not see him anymore? It's very difficult to get over someone if you see them all the time. If you work together, try to avoid where he is. Don't go out to dinner anymore, and don't go out to lunch. Don't talk on the phone, email, text, IM, etc. Someone is going to get deeply hurt, and it sounds like it will be you, but I'm sure he won't leave his wife, and although you enjoy his company, you know it's not right or you wouldn't have asked this question, so that's a good start.

Answer 5

stop seeing this man all together. OK lets say he did want you for more than just friends.. are you willing to be the other woman? he wouldn't leave his wife you know...are you willing to get seconds? he still would be having sex with his wife so would you want a man that has sex with another also?,,,,, say you were married to this man... would you trust him now that you know he's willing to have a relationship with other women?
and last but not least... put yourself in his wife's shoes, she has a child and wonders whats going on in his mind because he doesn't communicate with her the way he used to...
he thinks of you and not her,
she wondering whats wrong with her?
she cries over the fact that she now has a child and doesn't know what to do because she thinks her husband is seeing someone......

Answer 6

First respect yourself enough to move on.....
He obviously isn't respecting you by allowing you to be labeled "the other woman" and I assure you other people are picking up on these lunches and feelings and are talking about you and him and the effect on his family.

If you truly care for each other then do the honorable thing and tell him that you respect him to much to let his reputation be tarnished by your friendship that is evolving into more with him being married. Tell him you respect his family too much to continue in something that can be viewed harmful to either of you, Respect yourself enough to not want a label such as "Home Wrecker" associated with you and your good name.

If he chooses to get out of the marriage I would caution you about him being faithful...a leopard does not change his spots!

But respect yourself enough to move on and find someone you can openly love and care for.....we all deserve that.
Especially his wife and child.

Answer 7

if you REALLY wanna stop feeling this way, quit seeing him. it's the only way. i have been there, except i am the married one. btw, he cannot control your thought or your feeling, you're in control of your own. you're just obsessed or infatuated with the lust/love you have towards him. honestly, i don't know when it will go away. scientists say 2 years...but you gotta behave for 2 years so it's hard. but my friend has the same issue, the feeling went away after a certain period and she's obsessed free from this guy! I am not yet though...otherwise, I'll give you a good answer!

Answer 8

Good God girl - get a therapist, get a life. There is nothing romantic about you or him or this twisted relationship you brag about having with him. Your not thinking about his wife or kids really. Women like you never do. Your selfish, self centered, obsessive, and a whole slew of other things. It urks me that you and other women like you have the gall to pursue married men to begin with. NO MATTER WHAT, YOU BOTH KNOW WHAT YOUR DOING IS JUST WRONG PERIOD. Find someone available or is that not what you want?

Answer 9

You need to find him a replacement. He goes home to his wife every night and you go home to a empty bed. Even if the two of you work out, just remember, that he will do the same thing to you. He is a loser. RUN

Answer 10

If you love this man, you surely won't want to interfere with his family's future. A few stolen lunches and dinners aren't worth ruining a marriage, so be woman enough to walk away, even if he's not man enough to do the same.