What to do when your husband is constantly getting on your nerves?

Question

This is serious: I'm so upset right now because my husband knows exactly what buttons to push to get me to act irrational. I've talk to him calmly many times about this situation and yet everytime we have an argument he resorts to the typical crap that I can't stand. I'm so frustrated it's unbelivable. I'm at my breaking point and I don't feel like i'm myself around him. He truely brings the worse out in me. Any advice?

Answer 1

The best thing to do is to tell him in a calm voice that he is pushing your buttons, to just cool it, then go do something else for awhile, go shopping, call a friend, visit your mom, etc. Then when he is not getting on your nerves have a serious one on one with him about how he brings out the worst in you, and how you two could remedy the situation, if he is too immature you may need some counseling before it gets worse. Some people think it's entertaining to watch their partner blow a gasket, don't get caught up in the heat of the moment. Stay as calm as possible.

Answer 2

I really think you guys should see a marriage counselor. To paraphrase As Good As It Gets, your spouse should make you want to be a better person. I am in the exact same situation and when you get right down to it, it's spite. See a counselor to find out the root cause of it (maybe he feels like you're pushing his buttons or he's jealous, etc.) and to figure out how to fight fair. If you can't work it out and you can't live with it, you may have to make a difficult decision. Love does not conquer all. Sorry.

Answer 3

You sure do give him a lot of power! Reality check - he couldn't push your buttons if you didn't let him so quit blaming him for your feelings and reactions. If what you are doing right now isn't working then think of another way to approach him in a calm manner. One suggestion - eliminate the word "you" from your approach as this immediately causes resentment and defensiveness.

I bet if his mom was standing next to him or someone else you want to think highly of you - you would be in "control" so don't kid yourself about not having any control. It's a lie that will keep this relationship in turmoil.

Answer 4

I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I think that maybe he's just pushing you, because it's a way to reach u. But more importantly, if it affects you so much, I think you should probably work on those "buttons" you mention. Go to therapy, or maybe even to couples therapy. Instead of just focusing on the bad, and trying to erase it, thing of the good things you have. The things that got you together in the first place. Be positive, I think you'll be able to work it out. Good luck.

Answer 5

This is an Astrological answer, read closely.

1st of all this is not a marriage threatening problem it's a communication problem

What is your Sign. What is his?
Find out what sign your mercury's are in.
Each sign has an Element. The element is the emotional side of us. He sounds Like his mercury is in a fire sign and your may be in a Water.

The Fire signs are Sag,Aries & Leo.
They are known for lacking tact. lol
The water signs are Pisces,Cancer & Scorpio.

Thats you say you talk calmly makes me think of Earth signs, maybe your mars is in an earth sign which makes you very careful of each move you make.

Here is a description of how the elements work.

Earth:Jungs sensation type represents one of the two irrational modes of perception. "Irrational" is not used in a depreciative sense here - which is what one is tempted to do in our thought-driven time. It simply means that this function does not judge things. He or she comes to an understanding using his senses. He or she relies on that which they can see, hear, touch, taste and smell. One could call them the realist among the types who is completely down to earth.


Air:The thinking type has a predominant thinking function. This individual considers the world in a rational way. He or she analyses things according to the laws of aristotelian logic, and evaluates them using "objective" criteria. He or she tends to categorize the phenomena of his environment. He or she is good at giving or receiving criticism, drawing conclusions or finding evidence.

Fire:Intuition is the strength of this type. As with the sensation type, they are considered irrational in the sense of not judging. But they differ from the former in that his perception is based on mental or spiritual concepts. they receive their knowledge not by collecting and ordering facts, but by spontaneous insights which "erupt" into consciousness.

Water:The feeling type is the polar opposite of the thinking air signs. According to the motto "opposites attract", members of both types are often fascinated by each other. As with the thinking function Jung calls the feeling function "rational". It differs from the thinking function in that it evaluates situations and people using emotional criteria. This type is very sensitive to moods and atmospheres.

Answer 6

We don't know you obviously and...We have no idea of your history,how or where this all started and so on...or the other persons story, point of view or any input on the whole situation...
In this case it sounds like time to leave, take a break, marriage counseling, or baseball bat maybe..?
try another technic?
read Men are from Mars Women are from Venus and get back to us...
who would know really

Answer 7

What I learned: Your husband can push buttons because they are there. You are the only one who can control yourself. Work on you and get rid of the buttons, therefore they are not there to push. This is the best advise I could give you as this would make for a happier and better you. He dose this because he immature.

Answer 8

This doesn't sound good...my girlfriend had the same issues with her ex. If you can't be yourself, then you can't stay. You know that by now.

You have to realize that he is playing you, and you need to stop acting according to his expectations. This is something that counseling won't help...he chooses to do this, it's not an accident. He will continue to do it as long as it works for him. Stop letting it work.

Answer 9

Ignore him- I know it takes a lot (I'm married too) but believe me, if they cannot get the reaction out of you, they will soon drop it. If problems cannot be resolved and it pertains some serious issues, either see a counselor to sort out your issues with him (you both should go) or consider leaving him.

Answer 10

Get on his nerves. Do you know what buttons of his to push to cause him to act irrational. What i'm saying is to do unto him that he is doing unto you! This truly works.