HELP!!! My mom is trying to Americanize me!!!?

Question

I am from Ukraine and I do not want to be considered or called an American.The 3 holidays that we celebrate in Ukraine are:New Year, Orthodox Easter and Orthodox Christmas. We don't celebrate these since we moved here, yet we celebrate Christmas on 25th. It hurts me so bad that my mom is trying to make me forget about my traditions, but they don't care. SHe just yells at me when I bring Ukraine up.She also wants me to speak English with her, and eat steaks. I HATE STEAKS!!! She cooks borsh once a year probably. How can I get my mom to respect her country and to let me love Ukraine?

I did not misspell borsh. it's not borsht. I've eaten it for 12 years, I know how it is spelled, and please don't say Ukraine sucks, because I think the same way of the america.

LONG LIVE UKRAINE!!!!!!!

trust me, I would love to go back to the best country on earth, but my mom won't let me.I am going there when I'm 18 though. WHy do you think I got a job?

MissVero, america isn't the best country on earth so don't act like it.If you can't help, then please keep quiet

Answer 1

USA USA USA!!! wooo ukraine sux!!!

Answer 2

The problem is not as bad as you think it is. Your mother can try to make your forget about traditions,but she can only try and not force you. You don't necessarily need to around you Mom to be who you really are. I'm sure there are other people from the Ukraine who are also proud of their traditions. I don't know much about Ukrainian traditions, but keep doing what you like doing and keep being yourself without limiting yourself to learning new ideas, without giving up your owns. Point out to your mothers that in the United States there are different communities from all over the World. In NYC there is little Italy,Mexico, and China Town. Lets not forget about the French village in New Orleans. In Los Angeles there is even a Ukrainian community. At this point I don't know how old you are, but there will come a time in your life when you will decide who your are and how you want to live your life.

Answer 3

If you and your family plan to stay here from now on, your mom has the wisdom to know that all of you will get along better here if you understand and assimilate into your current culture.

Most of the time it's the other way around--children are ashamed or embarrassed by their old world parents and their traditions.

Have a talk with her about this, but I'm pretty sure that's why she's doing it--she wants you to fit in and have all the advantages this country has to offer. Maybe if you tell her how much some of these things mean to you, she'll compromise. I would.

Answer 4

Times are different now. My Mom came here, we're also Ukrainian, when she was a little child and her parents didn't allow them to speak English at home. So, now I have a Baba who has been here for 50+ years and has only passable English.

Your Mom is not necessarily trying to 'Americanize' you (btw, that's not a bad thing) she just wants you to fit in and she is probably taking advantage of all the good stuff in the US.

Talk to your Mom and tell her that you will do your best to be happy and to accept these changes but that you would also like to preserve your traditions. This has worked in my family. In my immediate family, we are not Orthodox, but we celebrate the holidays with the extended family (the rest of them are Orthodox, but not practicing.) We were raised with cultural but not as many religious traditions.

Also, depending on where you live, you may find a strong Ukrainian culture in your area. I live in a great ethnic area like that and get to take advantage of good butchers and a lot of the customs. Maybe you could do more stuff through your church (if there is one near you.)

The bottom line is to stop stewing about it and talk to your Mom.

Answer 5

My children's father is Ukrainian. All of his grandparents emigrated from Ukraine to Canada. Please tell your mom, since my children were young I have done everything I can to help them learn about Ukrainian culture, food, etc. I'm not Ukrainian. It's part of their heritage, just like it's part of yours.

For a time we attended a Ukrainian Orthodox Church. We attended all of the Ukrainian Easter and Christmas celebrations, including the Blessing of the Water. One daughter decided to get baptized in the church. I bought a Ukrainina Cook Book and taught my children how to cook Ukrainian food.

I traveled once to Ukraine and my son went once with his father. It is a beautiful country rich with history and tradition.

1. Find a local Orthodox church and go whether or not your mom wants to go. It may not be Ukrainian (not many here in the US) but the traditions are the same in all the Orthodox churches.

2. Buy a Ukrainian Cookbook and teach yourself how to make the foods you like.

Ask your mom to read my answer. It's natural for her to want to integrate into the US culture but there is no reason to abandon the culture of your ancestry. :-) Now we live in the USA, my kids embrace Ukrainian, Canadian and US culture. We do it all.

Answer 6

Welcome to America! And despite what boorish people are saying, it is TOTALLY appropriate to remember and honor your Ukrainian cultural and traditional events.

When you moved to this country, your mother was probably worried about "fitting in" and being able to make it in a whole new country, culture and values system. Her reticence to celebrate as in times past may have more to do with her OWN feelings of missing the Ukraine than she may be able to articulate to you.

Your concern about being called an American at this state of the game may very well be justified. It is incredibly hard to feel like you belong. America is a melting pot of all sorts of cultures and peoples, but it can, at times, feel like you might be getting lost in the soup.

I have some suggestions for you:

if your family practices a particular religious tradition, see if there might be a group or church that is interested in participating in the traditions of your homeland as part of a cultural exchange. Many churches are open to new experiences that can help broaden their outreach to the community.

Consider organizing some pen-pal activities with American youth who are interested in friends in the Ukraine.

Since your mother wants to ensure that you speak the native tongue of THIS country, do so. But, don't forget your FIRST language. Get a group together - perhaps through your school - that might be interested in learning the nuances of your language. The exchange process will be fun for everyone.

Host an Orthodox Easter or Christmas party for your friends so they can get to know you and your traditions better. Your mother may just be concerned that you will be ridiculed and mocked, so not celebrating in a "different" way may make her feel more like she belongs in this country.

Try to be as supportive of your mother as you can right now. She too is making a huge change in her life as she tries to fit into American society.

Good Luck and hang in there!

Answer 7

hmm... this is a tough one. You talk so much about ur mom and how can u make her stay Ukraine-ish with you, it's not about ur mom, this is about you. If ur mom wants to be American, that's ok, that doesn't mean you have to change, just remember that, nobody can make u change. Tell her that if she wants you to eat steak, then u will only eat it if she makes one dish of Ukrain-ish food. Also you can teach ur friends about Ukraine hollidays and you can have tiny parties with them on the days you celebrate them in Ukraine. Im sure ur friends r kind of sick of the U.S. anyway and would love to try something new. Just stick to what you believe in and ur mom will realize she can't change you! ur mom doesn't have to respect the country, just make her respect ur love for the country.. wow that was long, hope it helps!

Answer 8

Try talking with her, ask her why she hates her own country so much, try to pursue her with different reasonable arguments. And if it doesn't work, then I think that what you are planning to do when you are 18 is a great idea, go for it. And I think it's very wrong that someone tries to make you forget about your traditions withouth a reason, and especially that you love your country, and you are proud of where you come from. I think there should be more people like that.

Answer 9

Where we come from becomes a part of us no matter where we are. It is always with us. Be proud of your heritage and where you come from. Your mother probably wants to fit into a world she feels she's not part of and in order to do so she probably wants to forget where she comes from. Talk to her, ask her why she doesnt talk about Ukraine. Explain to her why this place and your heritage is important to you, tell her what it means to you. Make her listen.

I can't say that I fully understand what your going through. I'm part hawaiian and I was born and raised in hawaii (It's an American State). Hawaii is so different from the rest of America, Hawaiian is who I am and I carry my culture and language everywhere I go. I am very proud of it. When I went to the main land, so many people looked down on me because I was different and they didn't understand who I am. Your mother wants to be a part of this American world and feels left out. Explain everything your feeling, your thoughts and everything to her. She is your mother, I hope she will listen. Good luck.

Answer 10

I moved from the US to Austria - different holidays (some), different traditions, different foods (I am a vegetarian, and it is pretty hard to find veggie 'fake meat' products here). For my daughter's sake, we celebrate both holidays (American and German), and find out more about the traditions of our new home and other part of the family (my husband is German). Explain to your mom that you would like to keep the traditions that you grew up with - and give some of the new, American traditions a chance - you might like them. This way, you can get along with your mom, learn about your new country, and still feel like you are remaining true to your Ukrainian roots.

Good luck!

Answer 11

You're feeling are understandable, but you do have a new home now and your mom just wants the transitions to be smoother. Give America's culture a try...I mean you went there for a reason right? But have a little of your home always with you- such as keeping your traditions and such.

By the way...steaks are gross.