Got married 4 years ago, been together for 5 years. At the beginning everything seemed to go on nice enough. But we've grown apart, we don't share any activities or hobbies, he barely speaks of his interests (if he has any), he's become quite a somber. he's 38 (9 years older than me) and he hasn't accomplished what he thought he would by this moment in his life, so maybe frustration takes the best of him. I feel like a ***** for saying all this, specially because he's good and I know he loves me, but sometimes I feel I'm wasting the best years of my life with somebody who doesn't get me or who just isn't the right one for me. I need help, I'm usually a happy and positive person, but i feel lost.
2007-03-28 08:04:01 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
maybe u just need to accept the fact that its time to let go
2007-03-28 08:08:03 · answer #1 · answered by superstar 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You mentioned that he hasn't accomplished what he wanted to by his age. He maybe having a mid life crisis, maybe he needs to reasses his goals. Consider starting with smaller goals and working his way up as he confidence increases.
Make a list of the goals and work out how they can be achieved.
I was about that age when I realised I was so sick of my life that I went back to college and then university to achieve the great job I have now. It was hard while I changed my whole life but without a doubt the second best thing I have ever done. Since I changed my life my wife and kids have all benifitted as has my pay packet doubled.
Try these before calling it quits.
2007-03-28 15:20:59 · answer #2 · answered by Lou 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Women feel most secure in marriage when husbands are confident with their role in life. When hubbies are lost because they didn't accomplish what they wanted and aren't looking at what they have currently and the potential to have in the future, women can feel very lost. I have for sure. You've got to remember that you and your husband while the marriage is one you are both separate people still. He's got to have the freedom (no matter how frustrating) to find himself and get back in balance with himself. You've got to have the same freedom. My husband and I do not share my deepest hobbies and interests but I do make a point to support his. Yes, this hurts me but I also realize that he isn't good at what I really like doing and it would probably frustrate me to have him involved. I know he loves me, the million hugs and kisses a day say that and the snuggles in the middle of the night or how we still makeout at the grocery store or anywhere we can. But having the feeling that he was in sync with where I want to go in life is not something we share and I had to decide could I accomplish what I wanted even if we didn't share the interests. My answer was YES! Cause even once done with a hobby or interest what I still wanted was unconditional love that I could count on. So, you need to decide are you with your husband to validate your direction and goals in life or are you with him for having someone who loves you and you love. Love is not agreeing and sharing interests, it is a perk in many relationships but it does not define love.
2007-03-28 15:14:08 · answer #3 · answered by Love to Love 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. You have sure given him a lot of power over how you are feeling. Why? Honesty can be very painful but the real problem here is not your husband. 99% of us, when unhappy, always look for someone or something to blame. You have picked your husband. Look deeper as the unhappiness is coming from you, not him. You will remain lost until you are honest with yourself and get to know yourself. We all have our flaws, you won't be any worse or better then anybody else. But the biggest mistake we make as humans is always pointing our fingers outward instead of inward.
Good luck. If you leave him you won't be happy either. Why? You can't run away from yourself. It would just be a temporary distraction and then the problem comes back. Deal with it now. Or keep pointing and running. One day you will be totally exhausted and broken and then, you'll admit that YOU were your biggest problem. We usually are. Nothing unique about that.
2007-03-28 15:14:02 · answer #4 · answered by Stefka 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your husband is going through a mid-life crisis.
Find things that you two can do together. Go on a cruise or to a bed and breakfast somewhere.
You don't have to have everything in common and it's OK for you to have other interests than your husbands. And since you're feeling stressed, how about treating yourself to a massage or start going to a gym and working off your frustrations.
2007-03-28 15:11:22 · answer #5 · answered by Ella 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its hard to wake up every morning to a man who is so somber. Life becomes predictable. Boredom sets in. Then depression follows.
Get out and make a life for your self. If he wants to be a part of it kool. If not, entertain your self as best as you can. Good luck.
2007-03-28 15:11:25 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to tell him upfront, that you love him but hes just not the one. It will hurt him, but you cant get married because things were "nice enough". And you need to let him find someone else to spend his life with before hes getting up their in age.
2007-03-28 15:08:29 · answer #7 · answered by Zenthae 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I completely agree with Rebekkah... You shouldn't just continue in a marriage like that. Besides he should be able to really be loved back. It'll hurt, but it is what's best for you both.
2007-03-28 15:11:45 · answer #8 · answered by In love with Life 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
go to marriage counseling or get a divorce
2007-03-28 15:10:06 · answer #9 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should tell him, dont lead him on, it will hurt him more in the long run if you do.
2007-03-28 15:10:41 · answer #10 · answered by Odinn 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋