When is it time to give up on the relationship..?

Question

NO RUDE ANSWERS PLEASE... My husband and I have been together for 15 years, we have a 13 yr old and a 1 yr old. He is a drug addict and alcoholic. He was in recovery but seems to continually slip in and out of sobriety. He thinks since it's only for 1 day instead of for weeks at a time, that I should continue to overlook it and "just be glad it's not as bad as before". He also will not keep a job over 3 weeks at at time. I have tried, and I wanted to keep trying for the girls sake, but I just cant do it anymore. How did you know it was time to give up and call it quits?

Answer 1

You can take an out when you know that you have exhausted absolutely EVERY option of trying to make it work. You need to see your husband as a sick man. If he was paralized from an accident and in a wheelchair would you be called to be committed to him nonetheless? Of course. It's the same as with your husband's accidction. He is SICK. And yes - all of it is self-inflicted but he's too lost to know how to get it right. So I say that unless you have exhausted every possibility then you are not ready for a divorce. If you HAVE then it's time to say goodbye.

Answer 2

I'll be really short...

You think you're helping him by staying?
You are actually hurting him. He can get high, drink and not keep a consistent job and then have the comfort of a family that will not leave him. Hey, why change?

Your separation will show him that there are consequences for the decisions that we make. It'll hit him when he's high or drunk and sitting at home with nobody around as a companion...cleaning up...sleeping alone...and lonely...for him to realize...I need to do whatever possible to quit.

Give him a wake-up call. The only person that can help him right now is hurting him....You have become his crutch...

Answer 3

When your husband is a drug addict and an alcoholic and he won't keep a job over 3 weeks at a time, it's time to call it quits. But then, you already knew that. Best wishes!

Answer 4

It is time to give up when you have tried all avenues to make it work. I am a recovering addict. Been clean 31 years. By the grace of God.
But do not allow any one to cause you great distress just because of an illness. Your kids need you both. But they need a sane and good dad.
If you cant or wont support your own family financially. Or if you whine about being sick. Or if you are always on a pity pot, you ain't worth the trouble of having a family at all!
That's how I see men who don't take care of their wife and kids!

Answer 5

A recovery drug addict after recovery will slip from time to time its very common. Keep him going to his meetings don't let him stop. For him 1 day is good instead of weeks at a time. For him its good. He the drug addict not you. If you where to walk now and he is trying he will slip all the way. You do need to give him some support and don't nag at him because he slip for that one day. Take him to his meeting if you have to, but keep him going. I know your tried. I can spake on both sides because I was on both sides of the fence. 12 yrs ago I was in a re-hap for drugs.After re-hap I slip here and there in one day I realize what am I doing, I don't want this any more I don't want to lose my children for ever. When I was in re-hap I had to sign my kids over to my sister, so I had a lot I could of lost. My children. At the time I was single mom. 2yrs letter after re-hap I meet someone and we had a child together and got married. And he did not use drugs and either did I, no more. Now 10yrs letter my husband now is a drug addict and a alcoholic for 2yrs I saw my husband turn into a other man. He started to have affair with his best Friend girl friend I believe for the drugs because she did it and she always has it. After all that I took my husband back to try to help him, but he was so far gone into the drugs he would only stay home for a little while enough time for him to rest up and after he get his rest and eat a lot he run right back to her to get high.It was a night mare for me and my kids. I try-ed to talk to him to get him to a re-hap he would just laugh and tell he had no problem. But I knew better. Anyhow I finally got tried of it and I drew the line in the sand. And now where separated and he lives with this other women. We been separated for now 7months and that's the longest we been a part in 10yrs. For 7months I haven't seen him. Last week he called me and ask if I can meet with him and I did. I wanted to cry because of the way he looked, the drug has really taking over him and again I told him I would help him if he go into a re-hap and this time instead of laughing he was asking questions, but again he also said he didn't need it. We talked for about 4hours and I didn't get know where with him. He really wants to come back home, but I won't let him unless he gets the help he needs.He called me the next day and again I was talking to him about re-hap and again he was asking question and he told me he call back but he never did. Your husband took that step, and I know your tried but your husband is trying. He can't work having that problem so don't expect him to, he has a disease. And when he realize that, that it is a disease he going to understand that he can control it and he really needs your help. Now if your husband continues to do it and starts his old routine with the drugs then maybe its time you draw that line in the sand too. My husband hasn't even try-ed to get any kind of help. I wish he would. And a drug user needs to understand the problem is bigger then him or anybody, it's also going to take God and meetings, and support from the people in the meetings, he should have a sponsor that he can call and other fellow members can call him to see how he is doing, that's a part of recovery. I hope the best for you and the kids.

Answer 6

First off he is not a good influence on your girls.
Secondly, if you are going to allow this kind of behavior from him then you are sending a message to your girls that this is OK and you will see them in rotten relationships too.

He's a habitual waste case. It's not your responsibility to keep picking him up when he falls. He's a grown man and if he can't see that his lifestyle doesn't work in the real world, then stop torturing yourself and your kids and just walk away.

Better start planning for the future though. If he can't keep a job, then don't expect any financial help from him.

Answer 7

The girls are probably suffering as well from his attitude, and while it's good that you continually tried to support him, there's a point where you have to step in for the sake of your children and not tolerate his actions anymore. His drug abuse and unwillingness to give it up is not good for your daughters. He probably knows that you wouldn't leave him because of your daughters, so let him know you're not afraid to. Your daughters deserve to grow up in a stable, drug-free environment.

Answer 8

you have children that he doesnt think about. only one of you sober enough to do that. think about the kids welfare. he's an adult. he knows what he has to do. he's a father...not a rebellious drug/alcohol addicted child...but so far as he acts...he is the latter. time to protect the children and move on. perhaps the move from him will shock him into adulthood. peace.

Answer 9

It's past time. Some things in life are deal breakers - abuse, be it alcohol, drugs, physical, mental, etc. is one of them. You've tried and he's just not ready/able to make that change - so end it.

Answer 10

One slip is okay - after that its time to let it go. I have been in your shoes and is is not fun. It is time to put your foot down - You are enabling him to keep "slipping" if you dont call it quits. As my momma always tells me a leopard doesnt change its spots!