You capture my heart
When I just hear you laugh
And though we are young
You're my missing half
When you're playing with children
And showing them love
You make my heart beat
Like your sent from above
You capture my heart
With your captivating beauty
And inspire me to make
Caring for you my duty
When you're walking, you move
With such style and grace
And I could study all day
Every line of your face
I'll search high and low
Until each other we find
But now for today
You exist in my mind
When we are apart
It's you I will miss
And long once again
To taste your sweet kiss
I'll embrace you so close
Each night and each day
But for now I will search
Till I find you .................Someday
I would like to chat on yahoo IM with any girl who likes my poem (or add me to your buddy list)
2007-03-28 07:43:03 · 5 answers · asked by dwsum41@yahoo.com 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
I'm 'female' but I don't think you'd want to 'chat' with me, because I'm an 'old lady' (56 years) who read your poem and would like to 'correct it' ... basically, it's 'very good' but it's 'too long' and need some 'breaks' ... you could write in 'stanzas' to make it 'read more easily. Also your spelling isn't perfect ... in the eighth line it should be 'you're' not 'your.'
This poem has a lot of 'good potential' but it does need some more 'work' to be 'really good' ... but you are young and you need 'more work' too, so that's okay ... just 'keep writing' and keep dreaming and someday you'll find the 'girl' in this poem.
2007-03-28 07:50:40 · answer #1 · answered by Kris L 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This piece of poetry is very nice, and well thought out. It tells
of the kind of loving relationship you're looking for, without
really giving details. (Almost like you're in love with love)
It shows the love and devotion you're ready to give to the lucky
one who magically appears. I say "magically" because this
happy event hasn't taken place, so right now, it's simply your
deepest dream and desire.
2007-03-28 14:56:00 · answer #2 · answered by SlownEasy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nice thoughts. Check your contractions.
2007-03-28 14:53:17 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
ohhh you seriously pick up girls in here ..you should try friendster.com or myspace..that poem is good thou but try shortening it its too long...
2007-03-28 15:20:22 · answer #4 · answered by jaymar 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its beautiful....im a poet myself
2007-03-28 14:52:37 · answer #5 · answered by Billie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋