my partner ani have been together 8 years, and married for 1, 4 years ago i had cervical cancer and was told i would not be able to concieve as part of my womb was taken away. i was gutted, but my partner seemed distant t the time i thought it was because everything that had happened. anyway, he told me a few weeks ago, that just before the cancer, he was seeing someone else and when i was in remission, this other girl was having his baby daughter, i am completely numb, i can't seem to control my anger and frustration or tell him how i feel. i can't put it into words, all i know is that it's the cruellest blow and i don't know what to do, he has cried everyday bgegging me to forgive him and talk to him or at least tell him whether it's over or not, he says it ended as soon as she got pregnant and he has had no contact, until the csa got in contact a few months ago. so that the only reason he told me cos our money tight. i love him so much but don't know how to cope
2007-03-28 07:40:19 · 18 answers · asked by white_funny_girl 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm sorry that this is happened to you.
Honestly, I don;t belive that he got that woman preganant just because you couldn't conceive. He cheated and a baby was the result of that, it was obviusly an unplanned pregnancy as a result of an affair. So please, don't beat yourself with a stick and blame yourself for not being able to conceive.
You husband made a mistake. If you love each other and he is truly remorseful and you believe in your heart that you will be able to get over this together, then by all means do it. I understand that you are hurt and confused about how could he has done this to you while you were busy having cancer. This is as low as you can get and I could understand that you are angry, hurt, confused...this is a very low hit. But I also see in yoru words that you love your husband and that he loves you too.
I would suggest that you both go to counselling and learn the skills to cope with this. You can pull through if there is love, If youa re BOTH commited into making things work, then you will. Do some soul searching and ask yoruself if you can forgive this and if your marriage is worth saving.
Best of luck
2007-03-28 07:53:12 · answer #1 · answered by Blunt 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well its not over that's for sure the kids still on its way . Sorry all this had to happen to you all at one time . I know it hurts but if the man wonted a child that bad he should have OK it with you and held off until you where in better condition to handle it . I Think he was just horny because you could not have sex with him and he got busted. As far as telling you what to do i really cant its your call. Being that he cheated on you I think he will do it again if not its going to be hard to trust him .
If your wanting kids maybe you should fined a single dad that has his kids .I know they wouldn't be your own but once you get to love them there isn't any difference . I have a 4 year old step son and i love him as much as i do my 4 kids if not more because i know that he was unwanted so my feelings for him are Strong . Hope the best for you
2007-03-28 08:12:57 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The important question here is, do you love him more than you love yourself? Bottom line is your own health and state of mind. I'm assuming you still live together? At least take some time apart to find out how you are truly reacting to your illness, his betrayal and any potential healthy future you two can have together. It can be very difficult to assess with him right there day to day. I hear money is tight, maybe a weekend with a parent, girlfriends or other family member? Just please remember, you need to take care of you above all, find your inner strength and make a choice despite what others think. It is ultimately your life. I wish you well.
2007-03-28 07:56:15 · answer #3 · answered by mnkystp28 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You deserve better. No one should be treated that way. He should have been supporting you through critical times instead of planting his seeds somewhere else. And if he has a child and hasn't even seen her, what does that tell you about his morals? Try to just let him go sweetie, move on. God's with you. Say some prayers about it. He won't lead you in the wrong direction.
2007-03-28 08:00:07 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
We all make mistakes that we regret. He seems to be honestly upset about this. He should expect that it will take you some time to get over/accept this situation that he has caused. It is up to you if you can forgive and forget, but having to pay child support each month will certainly be a big reminder of what took place. I suggest you both seek counselling on this to see if you can ever accept and forgive.
2007-03-28 07:53:58 · answer #5 · answered by mayihelpyou 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't you dare feel guilty when he cries! He did this, not you! You are the victim here...
You have battled cancer for goodness sakes... that should put things in perspective for you. Life is to short, and you never know... You deserve to be happy, you got a new lease on life and dont blow it on a guy that obviously is not worth what you have to offer.
You deserve better.....
2007-03-28 07:54:18 · answer #6 · answered by Steffi 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If I was you I would tell him to take responsibility for his daughter. Second I would leave him. You shouldn't be moved by his tears, because he wasn't obviously moved by your condition. If he can't stay faithful to you in the most difficult moment in your life then don't expect anything else from him.
How can he do something like that? Forget the fact that you love him, dump the b@st@rd!.
I don't believe in crocodile tears.
2007-03-28 07:51:18 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
its hard to say, but i know I told my bf that it only had to happen once and it was over. he has a child with this woman, theres no way that she wont be in his life. But, having joint custody ( if hes really sorry and you think you can trust him again) could give you the child to care for. But I know that I just couldn't be in a relationship that has no trust... you do need to make a decision though. good luck, this is so tough!
2007-03-28 07:52:25 · answer #8 · answered by Doe 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he can do something like that while you were going through some bad trauma like that,What kind of man is he.
You need to throw him out,you said yourself he only told you because of the money,so he will lie again.............whats to say he aint been in touch with his child(which i believe he should) but if he aint yet he will. Behind your back!!!!
Get rid of him and his baggage then the cheating scum will get what he deserves!!!
You deserve more.
2007-03-28 09:48:17 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh dear love! This bloke is not worth your time and effort!
Get rid of the coward and find someone who will give you some love and respect.
You don't need him or his snivelling apologies, tell him to go back to the mother of his child and get yourself some good supportive friends. Leave him.
2007-03-28 08:39:41 · answer #10 · answered by Gary L 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋