This is my 5th time asking this...someone please answer!?

Question

Am I being too hard on him?
My fiance lied and said he payed $190 in rent and he only paid $100 (bi-weekly rent) I found the reciept in his wallet. He said he did it so we had spending money for the weekend. I'm taking this very seriously because I never expected him to lie to me and now I'm shocked and very pissed and I'm even thinking of telling him I want to rethink marraige. The guy is really sweet and completly head over heels for me, I don't want to be too mean or harsh to him but I've never been good at sugar coating things when I'm upset, I'm very very blunt, but I don't want to hurt him, he's the sensitive type. Am I making too big of deal of this? Should I not tell him I want to rethink the marraige?

I did not go into his wallet! I was doing laundry and yes I found it in his jeans pocket. And yes he goes through my purse all the time!

Answer 1

This is in response to the answer above me,
I believe that when you are married there shouldn't be "personal space" or privacy. Everything should be in the open between you. You should be able to go through each others wallet without the other one getting upset. There should be no need to hide anything. Everything should be equal, no his or hers. A marriage is 2 people coming together as one. You need to treat your spouse as an extension of yourself and Vise versa.

I've answered this, I think when you had asked it the third time :)

Answer 2

well first of all im not being mean here but does he go into your purse? I was married 20 years and never ever went into his wallet. If he asked me to do that I would carry the wallet to him.

Good Advice (I think anyway)

If you plan to marry this guy and he sounds like a good guy, one of the best rules in a marriage is respecting the other persons privacy.

Trust is one thing you have to be certain you have in a marriage for it to ever work out. Trust in each other will keep you together longer and happier.

Some things if not respected will erode a marriage faster than ice cream melting on hot pavement and looking into the others personal belongings is one of them.

Sorry I know I wont get points for this , which really doesnt matter to me. I just think you should know this.

I wish you well and this is not enough to break off an engagement.

Answer 3

Don't tell him you want to rethink marriage unless you REALLY REALLY WANT to rethink marriage. If you do, you need to tell him, and today. If you don't want to take that risk, you should explain your feelings to him and ask him not to lie over trivial things like that.

If you think he'll never lie to you, you're mistaken. Get real. Can you honestly say you have NEVER lied to him? And you NEVER will?

Whether it is a big deal or not depends on what he used the $90 for. If he used it to buy his girlfriend (not you) some jewelry, or if he used it to pay a bookie or dealer or hooker, then it's a big deal. If he really did it so he could spend the extra on you, why do you feel bad about that? Does he still have the $90? Until you're married, you don't have the right to know all the details about his finances.

I'd be more concerned about the fact that you felt the need to go thru his wallet. Why did you do that? Does he go thru your purse? What would he find if he did?

You're insecure, perhaps even paranoid. And yet you've found someone who's willing to marry you. Talk to him about your concerns about his lying ("When I found out you lied about the rent, it made me feel _______"), but don't jeopardize wedding plans over a $90 lie.

Answer 4

Talk to him, tell him how you feel. Don't be mean about it. Just talk normally.

I don't think it's such a big deal to break off an engagement over.