I'm so tired.....?

Question

I'm a stay at home mom to three kids ages 8, 2 and 6 months. My husband works shift work. On three days and off four, for 12 hours. I do all of the laundry, cleaning, pet care, meals and the majority of the kids care. I am exhausted. My 6 month old still wakes up at least 2x's per night and I haven't slept forever. I need help. My husband does not get up at night to help with the kids even one his off days. He keep telling me that things will get better when they are older and I can get some sleep, but I don't get why he can't just help me. I am starting to hate and resent him. I love my husband, but I am so tired. I will do what I have to for the kids, but once they are grown will I still have it in me to love him or will it have faded?

Answer 1

He really should help. I'm a father of twins, and when they were young, I'd get up every other night to care for them, alternating nights with my wife...but enough about me... If your pet is high maintenance, try farming him out to a family member until things ease up, or even consider giving it away...its a sacrifice, but your welfare is more important. Laundry? your hubby can at least fold or put away...if he refuses, let him go to work in his birthday suit once, he'll change his mind....(I don't mean for you to be bitchy to him, though...just tell him that's his chore.)....Leave the dishes and the cleaning and sleep when your young ones sleep. I don't know how many kids you have, but make them lay down too. You could also find another mom in the same shoes and take turns watching one anothers kids so you can get a break during the day...You MUST do something, or you're setting yourself up for a breakdown. Good luck!

Answer 2

Although he does provide the income for the family, he is still obligated to help around the house and especially with the kids. On his days off, you need to tell him to watch after the kids so that you can go take a nap for a couple of hours. I'm assuming your 8yr old should be in school, so he would only be responsible for the 2yr old and 6month old. He shouldn't refuse if you just walk away and leave him with the kids. If he flat out refuses, I would wait until he works and ask a friend to watch your kids for a few hours. Or try and put them down for a nap at the same time and you catch a nap too. I'm sure there is plenty of house work to be done, but you can always do that while the kids are awake. If that is not an option, then call around to see if there is drop in care in your area. You've got to get some rest, so that you can stay healthy and care for your kids properly. As far as your marriage fading...only you will know and feel that when the time comes. Everyones relationship is different. Good Luck...you deserve a break! And most of all, don't let him make you feel guilty for needing some rest or because he makes the money and YOUR job is to stay home and provide.

Answer 3

Come on Mom, you will get through this. First of all, "If God bring you to it, he will bring you through it." You should first of all be thankful that you have a working husband, you could be like me and have one that want hold a job. I can tell you worse, how about you have to work 9-5 Mon.-Fri. and you still do all the house work, and taking care of the kids, cooking, paying bills, animals, and also ball practice every night. Now I only have 1 kid, but you really should feel fortunate. You should go out and have a beer, I have one every night to calm my nerves, I'm not a drunk, just a relaxer. Or better yet, go to the store and get you some, sit on the back porch and let the kids play, if you are wasted when he get's home, it leaves him not much of a choice to take care of the kid's for one night. As good of a wife and mom you sound to be, he'll get over it. You deserve it but just remember you are still one of the lucky ones. Email me if you need someone to talk to!

Answer 4

Kid may get older but they still require the same attention, only differently. Your husband should be somewhat involved in the upbringing of his children. He acts like he's King but I suggest you dethrone him, now. It won't get any better and you will resent him, if you allow him to continue.
Start by telling him that although he works too, he should still be a part of his children's daily routine. Your tired to and deserve a break and if he loved his marriage and his kids, he would be willing to help you out.
My husband was like that when my kids were small, he never lifted a finger. I basically raised the kids and I resented his lack of interest in his own children. It came to a point that the kids, wouldn't even ask him for anything ( permission to go out or stay at a friends house, homework etc.), even if he was there, they would just look past him and look to me. Only at that time did he realize how much his lack of helpfulness affected them in the long run. Since that time and a lot of reminding on my part, he has gotten a lot better. The kids still come to me first but I'm growing tired of making all the decisions and force him to make a few.
Don't stand by and do nothing, stand firm and request him to do things to help you out. Although it's not a whole lot of fun, kids see what their parents do and if he refuses to be helpful, your kids will do it back to you too.

Answer 5

Take it from me, he's never going to change. I divorced my ex for the same reason. I felt like a single parent even though I wasn't. It will get better, but I wouldn't count on him really being there for you when they're older either. You need to get a hobby or start a play group to brain storm with other moms how they deal with this. You'd be surprised at how common this issue is out there. Remember, you deserve some alone time too and DAD should know that. If he doesn't, leave him with the kids and take a LONG trip to the grocery store a couple times a week. He'll have walked a mile in your shoes at least.

Keep your chin up.

Answer 6

It is not easy for a stay at home mom. There seems endless chores to do and not having enough time to rest. Your husband should be more understanding that you can't just do it alone. You need to have a good talk with him and let him know that you just can't take it anymore. Don't force him to do what you want him to do but just find time to have a serious talk about your problem in a calm way and let him come out with his own idea of how he can help to alleviate your hardship. A mother's heart is always with your kids. By nature you will love you kids no matter how old they are. It is best to spend more time with your kids at their young age. Talk to them often in a loving way and let them freely express their feelings. Always encourage them, nurture and love them. Bear the noises they are making now for when they grow up, you and your husband will no longer hear the noises and that will be the time that you will miss them. Your love for your kids will never fade.

Answer 7

I ain't Dr. Phil here but I was husband with small kids. I worked many hours and many shifts when I was in my 20's. I had a devoted wife who also worked her butt off in the house and taking care of the kids. However, I always appreciated that and when I could I took over for her, sent her out to visit her sisters, go shopping, anything to get out of the house and get a break. I also got up many nights even when I DID have to work in the morning. (Guess I got that from doing watches in the Navy in the middle of the night and then still had to get up at 6:00 AM - but I digress)

You need to talk to him about how you feel. He may not realize what a small contribution on his part would mean to your overall well being....

Set a rule that on given nights no matter what, he gets up if needed to handle a problem. And make him cook twice a week - that actually can be fun.

Good luck
"Not Dr. Phil"

Answer 8

Hopefully he will realize soon how much stress he is putting on you. Yes your resentment will get worse, but you need to make him listen and make him hear you. Tell him you are beginning to resent him and after taking care of the kids and the house you have nothing left for him. My husband and I went through this and when he finally really listened and I cried and explained what I was going through he started helping out. It was a little at a time but now he does help a lot more and our relationship has gotten so much better. I wish the same for you.

Answer 9

Wow.. that's a loaded question. You need to sit down with your husband and talk to him about your concerns. Though he has a job, you need to explain to him that you have a full time job as well, and also need time off every now and again. He gets four days off... when do you get yours? Being a full time stay at home Mom is a 24/7 job, especially with a new baby. If he's not willing to help, or you're not willing to talk to him, this problem will only get worse, and yes.. eventually end up in a divorce.

Answer 10

I feel you girl. 5 kids, 12, 9, 7, 4, and 2. I do ALL housework, cooking and taking care of the kids. I also do all office/accounting stuff for our business. I realized that once you let him think you'll do everything, you have to stick to it. You have spoiled him. Try talking to him about it and see if he'll start pitching in sometime. Also, try taking a nap during the day when the little ones are down for a nap. I have noticed that alot of coffee gets me through the day! Good luck!