how do you cope with people who do nothing but put you down?

Question

and complain about you cos it gets me down expassilly when they do it to be nasty

Answer 1

Keep them at arm's length for the rest of your life.

Fill your life with reminders of the people who value and care about you, to undo the damage to your generalised other.

Answer 2

I just dont cope with it anymore. I dated a guy who was very depressed because he lacked motivation and didnt listen to the way that I helped. I tried my best to try and cheer him up, I even bought him things. My question was, how do you make a depressed person happy? Well, I never found the answer.

Instead of making him happy he did a good job of putting me down. They say misery likes company and boy were they right. Whenever things started to go my way he would find some reason to make it look bad.

He would even make me feel ugly. I'm not the hottest girl in the world, but I do get hit on a lot, even sometimes by women. I think he would get jealous and try to bring me down by saying mean things like, "why are you wearing that shirt? It looks horrible!" or "You should shave your arms, you look like a man"

Oh my God, did I feel ugly! Well, I couldnt take it anymore and dumped him, every once in awhile I get an email now saying how unhappy he is without me, but I dont see how happy he was when he was with me.

I realized that I would never surround myself from negative people again. I have so many positive friends that tell me how great I am and beautful.

Honestly, you need to just get away from these people who put you down. Life is too short to be around nasty people. there are so many good, why be around the bad. Just go out and find new friends. Trust me, I couldnt be more happy in my whole life.

Answer 3

ask yourself why you stay in that environment?

If you are in school, take the higher road. You can't always change your school but you can choose how you react to the abuse and negativity. If you give in and respond in kind, you become the negative kind. School doesn't last for ever. Self respect can.

Gay & Lesbian teenagers suffer the highest suicide rates among our young people. As an adult when you see young people abusing other young people, voice yourself. Take a stand.

Your question was vagues, so one can't tell if you are an adult or young person.

Answer 4

You know, I answered this one guy's question earlier (just did the best I could with the information provided), and then I suddenly received this horrible trashy obscene email from him as a result.

Just remember that for whatever reason, they think that it must make them feel better about themselves somehow. Try not to fret and just remember that we attract whatever we put out into the world. In other words, they'll get theirs. Just be the positive person that you aspire to be, and try not to let others get you down.

Only you can allow what others do to affect you.

Answer 5

You answered your own question...they are doing it to be nasty,,,,they feel bad about themselves....it has nothing to do with you....everything they say that's nasty is really all about themselves....If it's people you have to be around you say "sorry that's the way you see it" and then move on ...If it's people you don't have to be around ..do your best to stay away from them, you deserve better ...remind yourself that it's really all about them and NOT you...they have a screw loose...now go find people who appreciate you for who you know you really are...good luck and I WILL pray for you.....

Answer 6

Don't bother with them. If family, cut them out of your life. My mother-in-law was a mean old bag to me for years, and as a result we haven't been close. Now she's nearly 80, and has had an operation, she needs help............... I'm a kinder person than she is, and am helping her- but only because she's my husband's mother. I'll Never like her.

Answer 7

People who constantly put other people down have been raised by critical parents. You will find in this life that as you meet people, you also meet aspects of thier parents in thier words, and you will see aspects of your parents in your words and actions. Just remember that there are two things going on when you are put down by anyone, them doing it and you accepting that behavior. It is alot harder to change this, but learning about areas of interpersonal communication may empower you to where you want to be in life.

Answer 8

I think Asterik is onto something.
When it happen just remind yourself that these people are very self critical and get relief out of turning the 'blamethrower' on someone else.

Answer 9

Tell them to get a life and keep their nose out of yours.
or say if they haven't got nothing nice to say then tell them not to say anything at all.

Answer 10

...the solution to this problem would best be examined by your showing some examples of you and "people".

but there is a quick solution which will work for each person and i will share it with you.

i will show it to you with the understanding that you may sometimes or frequently be successfull with adopting the idea and attitude which is most true.

and that idea is that all people meet their self in relationship. and this is true no matter how awkward a relationship issue can be.

for instance...and only for example.

your parents complain that you are not living up to social/family ideals and aspirations they may have for you and which you have partially agreed to.

you are not living up to their expectations. so you get put down.

solution......your parents are realizing their love and fear in your attitudes/behaviour/activities. now ... they may and do have legitimate concerns because they have ideas and realizations which are more or less language transmitted and translated to you......for you.

the more able they are to relate their love and fears with you pertaining to your own history/present/future the less will be conflict and bad feelings....bad feelings of misunderstanding and confusion. you will not feel as persecuted because clarity results in "you not being put down" but "you have a vision now of what is disturbing to them"....you therefore realize that your parents are meeting with their fears about the progeny you are.

now...this is true of all relationships but very often the multi-dimensionals of human relationships are not recognized because of the prevailing and apparent daily concerns and mental aptitudes to relate within a more full truth and full realization.

you will see this in your own relationships while you (and if you choose to...) seek to relate with your friends about multi-dimensional living experience......that is.......the past...the present...the future.

you will see that your own attitudes are created in mind and feeling by the experiences others bring to you in simple communication or more involved activities.

how you respond interiorally and how you respond in action/behaviour may be different. the responses however...are you meeting with "you". which you may share more or less in full truth and realization to even your own self if you permit your self the right to examine these....or share with others....which many or you seldom do because differences of realization within the vast living experience do not become apparent in a minute of conversation.

so....the solution.

accept that people meet their self through you.

and that you are on your way to discovering you through them.

and this is true of all people. all people.

no matter how many fingers have pointed to the less fortunate or able to defend their confused and waking state........all people meet their self in relationship to nature and other humans.

so accept this and do not take personal the incomplete realizations nor judge harshly those who seem to have improperly misjudged you....even if you do recognize a grain of truth within their own realizations pertaining to you.

yes...it is good to hear the ideas and expressions of others to us (you or i) to help with understanding how you or i may be perceived in relationship. but you have to know now....that experiences are not the same amongst those who share.....that self-purpose and how self-purpose is realized and managed are not exactly similar to those who share in relationship.

again.....accept criticisms as impersonal.

and not as a means to step you down so they can claim to be greater a person...more worth of social or personal acceptance.


if you have further questions to these problems and solutions....feel free to ask....but please do consider your self in the question.....and self in the response.


be well