I dont want to ruin 2 marriages??way to avoid this??

Question

My hubby and i have been married almost 4.5 yrs and i am 23 yrs old he is 29.We were seperated for 8 months due to fighting i felt he was pressuring me to become pregnant and a stay at home mom which i was not ready for at all.During the seperation i started seeing my ex.bf and first everything from highschool. I only dated 3 guys before my hubby but always seem to go back to my first bf for booty calls or flings even though now we are both married to different people(he is a newly wed).Any way i just found out i am 4 months pregnant but my hubby and i did not get back together till 2 months ago?I love my hubby and dont know what to do?Dont want to bring my child into drama anyway to fix it without ruining 2 marriages?

My hubby said anything that happened on break never happened.But i dont think he would take this news well.

I want to stay married!

Answer 1

You already ruin 2 marriages. You can get an abortion to avoid this ANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNDD Get a DIVORCE!

It is ashame you are treating your husband like this, you don't love him.

Answer 2

You can go the "immoral" route and get an abortion, you could go through with the pregnancy and try to fool your husband into thinking its his and that your giving birth 2 months early when you do go into labor, or you can do the obvious: tell the truth. What you are trying to do is get away with doing something you shouldn't have been doing. If you weren't with your husband at the time of conception, and you believed at that time that it was truly over between you two, then you can't really blame yourself, and your husband can't blame you, for trying to move on with your life and seeing someone else. That fact that the person you were seeing is now a newlywed or was married at that time is his problem: he shouldn't have been screwing around on his new wife, although this is why most women stay away from married men. If you need to bring to his attention that you are carrying his baby and he gets upset (obviously), he has to realize also that he was doing something he wasn't supposed to be doing: cheating on his wife/girlfriend/fiancee or whatever she was to him at the time and here is a prime example of WHY you aren't supposed to do those things. If there's repercussions for his actions, i.e., becoming a father with a woman who isn't his wife, its his own fault, and he has to stand up and pay the piper for his own wrongdoings.
To be honest, there is really no way to get out of this without having to pay for your actions. There is no solution that will just repair everything and make things go back to the way they once were. Someone is going to have to go through the crapper for this one way or another. By the way, if worse comes to worst, and everything does go down the tubes for everyone involved, let it be known that you didn't ruin 2 marriages on your own, you ruined yours, but your first bf ruined his. Don't take responsibility for both!
I guess I really don't have a good concrete answer to your situation. Like I said, I don't think there is one. You just have to pay the price for what you did. There is no real way out of it. If it ruins your marriage, thats really the price someone pays for doing this kind of thing. Live and learn. If your husband leaves you, you will have learned the hard way about what it takes to keep someone's trust, and I'll assume you won't ever do it again if you ever remarry.
I do want to say this, though for anyone reading this. Some people think moral values are put into place to control us or so religion can tell us what to do. It isn't. Moral values are put into place so people don't put themselves and others through situations like this. I hope someone reads this question and learns something from it.

Answer 3

Wow, you really got yourself into a mess didn't you.

First of all, you got married waaaaaaaaaaaaay too young. What the hell were you thinking? But, since that's already a done deal.........

I was going to say what someone else had already posted about keeping your mouth shut and never telling ANYONE the real truth and let your husband believe it is his child. But, the time frame is way off and he will know he is not the one that got you pregnant. Plus, are you capable of keeping such a huge secret for the rest of your life?

Honestly, I'm thinking more about this poor unborn child. Due to the extremely young age that you got married and you guys are already having marital problems, its likely that this marriage will not last and this child will be raised in a broken home.

I vote for adoption.

Answer 4

You've already damaged, if not ruined, 2 marriages...fess up to your screw-up and pay the cosmic price.

What goes around, comes around...you're seeing this in action now...treat others as you'd like to be treated and then you typically don't have to worry about situations like this. A separation is a time for reflection and evaluating the relationship...not screwing around with other people (unless your marriage was over and you were waiting for the divorce to become final).

When you chose to cheat, you okay'd yourself to be cheated on and built up some not-so-positive karma.

Personal Responsibility...it's the old "you made your bed, now lie in it" scenario...I feel most sorry for the potential child you are carrying, being a product of coitus between two selfish people with little to no conscience or values (or that's the way your post comes across).

Answer 5

To bad you two didn't have any consideration for your spouses, before you got together! You CAN NOT let your husband think this child is his!!! Prehaps it will work out best since the two of you fight so much anyway to leave each other. He will not be able to accept your being pregnant by another man. What kind of man would be a newly wed and then cheat??? It would be best for the other wife to find out NOW what kind of man she married. I sincerely hope you find yourself a moral road to follow since you will be in charge of teaching another life how to live properly! For once in your life, DO THE RIGHT THING AND TELL YOUR POOR HUSBAND WHAT YOU'VE DONE!!

Answer 6

The truth will set you free, you have to tell everyone the truth because it always comes out in the end so tell the truth now, things may not work out but you have to be honest. I know you said you don't want to ruin 2 marriages but you already did when you went to bed with ex bf. You guys were separated so maybe hubby will understand. Unfortunately it may take some time for him to forgive. Good luck.

Answer 7

This is one of those you played until you got caught and in hindsight everyone can say, you should have used protection, or you should have not fooled around and the drama wouldn't have come. However, since all of this is not necessary to say because I am quite aware that no matter how you try to justify it you knew is was wrong and now you're in a quandry. The situation is that no matter what you do, someone is going to be hurt whether it is your husband or his wife or everyone. The situtation is the longer you take to deal with it the worst it is going to get.

Answer 8

Your husband will NEVER forgive you for this. You weren't willing to have a baby for him but you did for your bf??? Girl, you are in a mess. I think you did this on purpose, honey, to get back at your husband.

If I wanted to stay married I'd just say the kid was his and let it ride. Did you know that in the 1950's 30% of the babies born in the US were born to "fathers" that couldn't possibly be the natural father of the child? This is nothing new.

If you can keep your mouth shut for a very long time, go celebrate your baby with your HUSBAND....for a change. Godloveyaboth.

Answer 9

You already have ruined two families. Your fling just ruined alot of lifes and you will spend the rest of your life paying for this mistake. Just make sure the child does not suffer. Get a divorce and let the boyfriend pay child support for his child. This will probably cause him to get a divorce too. You reap what you sow. Cheaters are always cheaters so you both deserve what is happening. I feel for the child.

Answer 10

moral of the story: YOU GOT MARRIED TOO YOUNG!

How can you get impregnanted by another man and expect there to be 0 concequences? You've already destroyed both marriages! Shame on you! And he is a newleywed for goodness sakes....

these kinds of questions are making me sick. If you can't learn how to figure out the exclusitivity of marriage how can you expect to be mature enough to make it last a lifetime? You will be VERY lucky if you husband stays with you.

Answer 11

do everyone a favor and come clean and if the marriages are ruined then so be it. you are both adults and knew what you were doing so now is not the time to suddenly realize you made a mistake. its called accountability no matter what the consequences. of course most people dont take this route hence the f'd up society we live in today. sry but truth hurts.