Why is it so many people think I should accept that my child's father is bi-sexual?

Question

He walked out on us for a transvestite, and when I posted this some time ago, so many people responded that I should just accept this. Why is that? WHY SHOULD I ACCEPT THAT? He deceived my family, used us, still won't admit he's bi, left us high and dry...for another MAN, and people think I should just be cool with this? I did not choose this lifestyle for my child or myself, but while we struggle with his choice, he's just living large and continuing to lie to other women while he's still wooing his transvestite lover. Why should anyone accept that? It's disturbing and wrong--on SO many levels--in my opinion

I completely understand that his lifestyle choice is not something I can accept or reject. He is what he is and does what he does. What's bothersome is this is a lifestyle I would not have condoned had I known about it when I got involved with him years ago, but I have a child with him that I'm forced to release to him, and it's a stuggle that my son is forced to be around something I never "agreed" to simply because this man up and decided he liked men. Why was it okay for him to "change his mind"? What I'm saying is so many people take his side because they feel that he had every right to do so, and my child and myself should now just have to go along for the ride and "take it". It's quite unfortunate.

Answer 1

I think people are encouraging you to accept it simply because there's nothing you can do to change it.

You picked the wrong guy. Can you accept that much?

It seems he is still decieving himself anyway. You'd be better served finding someone new who knows who he is. Now that you have more life experience, you can find a mate who will be all you want for the male role model your child will grow up with.

Minimize the contact with the ex and move on. Find a good quality man to be yours, and be good to him. Do your best to move on to a new place in your life- One devoid of the ex and his influences.

Good Luck.

Answer 2

Your right to be upset and feel betrayed by what he did to you and your family. Being lied to by someone you trust and are intimate with is the worst feeling in the world in my opinion.
That all being said I ask you this. Do you think it's important for your child to still know who their father is? Do you want him to be part of that child's world in anyway, shape, or form? If you said yes to ANY of those questions then you must accept his life the way it is. That doesn't mean you must agree with it, or like it. Just accept it for your child's well being. There is NOTHING more hurtful to a child than being put in the middle of two parents. Never make the mistake of talking bad about this man to your child. In the end who's to say that your child won't take his side and consider you a bad person for not understanding.
Talk to your ex and let him know (without anger showing) how hurt you are by his lies and abandonment. Find a way to co-exist for the good of your child.
Good luck to you.

Answer 3

Accepting something, and liking it aren't the same thing. You have to accept what happened, because it DID happen. To accept (in this situation) is "to accommodate or reconcile oneself to".

You can be upset as long as you like, and personally I'd probably be pretty angry also...but what good does that do?

At some point you have to just move on and realize you can't change him or control his behavior, and (it sounds like) you two are better off without him in your life, so why hang on to the anger?

Make sure he contributes to the welfare of the child you two share, and other than that, learn the lesson(s) that relationship taught you and get on with your life.

He did what he did...how can you not accept he did it or that he is who he is? That doesn't mean you agree with it, or like it, but you need to acknowledge it occured and reconcile yourself to the fact that a poor choice was made and the future will hold brighter things.

Answer 4

This sounds like it is much more detailed than this. This isn't a simple matter of just accepting it or not.

Your right this was not your choice, but it isn't something you can control either. He is still your child's father and you can't change that. What you can do is set boundaries so that your child isn't exposed to the details of his new life.

You are probably still shocked and very angry about what he has done and you are entitled to those feelings. Have you considered getting counselling to help you deal with your emotions? It may help a great deal.

Answer 5

My dear woman, you are exactly right in every way. Do not let the work of the devil deceive you. Not that I am any Bible toteing preacher or anything, it is just not normal and is against nature for people to be like your ex. Hang in there and take strength my dear, you are right. and sadly most of the people out there don't even know the difference between righ and wrong these days. I am working with two beautiful young ladies right now who are so confused. I just don't know how they do it. Good luck and hang tight and you have my warmest compassion sweetie. P

Answer 6

You should accept the choice he made. Realize that you and your child are better off in the long run without the freak. Start over and rebuild your life. Later when you have to try to explain it to your child be honest but leave your anger out of it. it is time for you to start moving in a positive direction again.

Answer 7

No you didn't choose this it chose you and it sucks that he wasn't man enough to tell you this from the start. I'm sorry that the people on here don't realize what hell you and your children must be going through but please remember him being bi/ doesn't say anything about you. He's just a dishonest man who took you and your kids for granted don't let him screw up the rest of your life have is *** gone like yesterday. Hope you find a real man.

Answer 8

if he is continueing to lie to other women about his preferences, that is not acceptable! It is wrong and he showed no consideration to you so why in the world should you show any? He needs to be more honest about himself and you should make the stand in court for supevised visitation due to his current lifestyle and uncertainity about the the well beig of your child. Take the power from his hands and squash it

Answer 9

first of all... i think of u r relatively in a puzzled state, so i might say that it would be suitable in case you sought expert help... i advise you in looking and confer with a therapist approximately your confusions and get help... i do no longer think of which you r loopy or something.. yet i do think of that until you have some1 to assist u come across the deeper matters as to why u might experience like a baby molester, i do no longer think of that u might have peace of suggestions... now... baby molester and being gay isn't a similar ingredient... first of all you do no longer seem at this youngster's image in a "i wanna rape this youngster" kinda way... so u shouldn't worry too lots approximately that... secondly... it particularly is all on your head... suggestions over count... whenever you r relationship some1, be it guy or a woman... ask them how previous r they? in case you like them to tutor u an identity , ask them for an identity... tell them no in the event that they r decrease than 18... purely for the reason which you have an interest in some1.. in spite of age, would not advise that u will leap on them like a wild animal... use your head... and supply up annoying lots...

Answer 10

I think it is horrible that anyone would walk out on their spouse and children, whether it is for another woman or a man or whatever. You are right you did not choose this, you are a victim of the situation. I feel for you and your children that, that is what they have to look up to as a role model.