TTC-Hubby feels as though it's becoming a Chore!?

Question

HELP!
When trying to plan around my charting and calendars and such, he feels as though he is being Used. How can I change this? We've ben trying for 3 years. He's NEVER in the mood anymore. This will get us No where!

Thanks for all your comments back, that was quick. lol

I've seen my DR many times and I've tried the metformin, and that didn't work, and ive had an ultrasound of my ovaries, they seemed ok. Still need to touch base with my DR. Hubby was checked out, but needs to have another S/A. The 1st had some errors or something. THanks again ladies.

Answer 1

Keep your hubby in the dark about where you are in your cycle. Avoid saying things like when you have to do it, or what days. Just let him be uninvolved for a bit. Then, start seducing him. When you know the right days but he doesn't just put on something sexy or take a bath together. My hubby and I have been TTC for 3 years this may so I've been through what you are talking about.

Answer 2

Thats no good. No good at all for either of you. He probably feels like the only reason you want sex anymore is to become pregnant. For 5 years i let this consume me as well. But i tried to do it behind his back. He knew i wanted one more child, and he didnt want another child. So I would have sex with him all the time when i knew i was fertil. This went on for 5 years until i finally grew up and realized how serious of a problem this was becoming and how unfair this was to my hubby. So i told him about it. After 5 years of trying and trying, i never got pregnant. The month that i stopped planning i became pregnant and im now 29 weeks pregnant. Sometimes stress and planning alone are enough to stop it from happening. When you let things go that arent in your control you will become pregnant. You need to relax, enjoy sex with your hubby for more reasons then making babies, and make sure he feels the love he needs to be feeling. Stop talking about having a baby, stop planning a baby, but keep up with the sex and i bet you will be pregnant faster than ever :) It always seems to happen this way :) Goodluck and please make sure your hubby knows how much you love him, not just for making babies.

Mom of 4 boys and 29 weeks with boy 5!

Answer 3

They say if after 1 year of ACTIVE trying you still are not pregnant that you should probably make a dr appt for the both of you. There may be something wrong. Although, it does take longer for some couples. Try to just let the mood happen, it sounds like you are over stressing about this. Talk to your hubby and possibly get an infertility doctor involved. Good luck hun.

Answer 4

Spice it up. If he's needing a break, he can take one. It's not like you're fertile more than 48 hours a month anyway. Go without it for a while, and he will come back to you. Don't make it about making a baby only. Show him you love him by dressing up, making it about him only, etc. Don't even mention conception during sex either. He's probably feeling like he has a problem, and that he can't satisfy you without making you pregnant. I think you're concentrating too hard. Three years is a long time to wait, but you will have to relax before any baby making can happen. Have you seen a specialist about fertility--side note? Good luck, and remember to find ways to make him want you. Let him know he does please you sexually, and that it's not all about ttc.

Answer 5

I know exactly how you're feeling! It's so frustrating. I've kinda figured out that a guy isn't as understanding or compassionate to what we're going through when getting pregnant isn't coming along easily, even though they want a baby just as badly as we do. I was driving my husband crazy with all of the ovuation predictor kits and pregnancy tests. Sex wasn't as fun. I found it's best to just do all the charting and planning without giving all the details and venting to my husband. He's a lot more spontaneous now that I've stopped mentioning getting pregnant every time we do it. Good luck!

Answer 6

Has your hubby had his sperm analyzed? If not, I would have him do that. Your OBGYN can give him a lab slip to get that done. The only other thing I can suggest is going to see a fertility specialist. Three years is a very long time. Don't get upset with him if he is frustrated. It's only natural. Maybe you should take a few months off of ttc to regroup. Being stressed out about it will only add problems to conceiving and your marriage. Best of luck to you.

Answer 7

That could be a problem too. Don't make it a chore.
Set the mood, romantic dinner, nice relaxing bath, massage and candles..make love honey. Not just routine sex day after day. You want the passion to be alive while trying.
Also, three years is a long time. I think it's time to get you both checked out for fertility problems. There are all sorts of options. They recommend getting tested after a year of trying unsuccessfully.

Answer 8

#1. Forget the charts. Having sex starting around day 10 after the first day of your last period and every other day through about the 16th day is your best shot. And if you have been trying for 3 years you might need to be checked by your doctor to find out why you have not gotten pregnant yet. It is easier for your hubby to be checked first, and if his sperm count is normal then you need to go to your doctor.

Answer 9

Maybe take a few months off from scheduling it. Let him be the decider in when it happens...even if it is once a week or so. If it goes on for more than a week without it, put on something that doesn't have very much coverage and have fun...after 3 years I could understand that he thinks it is a chore....Give him a break!

Answer 10

Don't make it seem like a chore plan the calender in private and don't always say things like its time or not today tomorrow. Let some spontaneous stuff come back and don't make it the same thing every time usually things can get on track if the issue is not forced...